Post by Deleted on Sept 8, 2015 12:34:17 GMT -6
I can’t believe she would do that to me! Is it so fucking difficult for her to just talk to me about this privately? Why the Hell did she feel the need to ask me that kind of question on a televised interview? Ugh! I am so angry right now I could punch someone!
I quickly burst out of the double doors leading out of the corridor and swiftly make my way towards the doors leading out of the VoW headquarters. I hear Zelda calling my name behind me but quite frankly, I want nothing to do with her right now. Unfortunately when I’m a few feet away from the front door, I suddenly trip over my own foot and crash to the hard polished marble floor, and fuck did it hurt. I know there’s no point in trying to get back to my feet to escape Zelda, so I just stay there on the floor, waiting for the inevitable.
“Great!”
"Stacy wait...please just listen to me for a second and let me explain myself..."
Zelda has tears running down her face as she reaches me, mascara smudging with the moisture.
"Look...I'm so sorry. You have all the right to hate me for doing that when I did...but trying to hold in on that so much when my mind just didn't want to let it go is something I haven't felt in a long time. I wouldn't have that kind of feeling if I wasn't legitimately concerned."
Tears begin to form in the corners of my eyes as I quickly stand back up to my feet.
“So you decided to ask me a personal question on a televised interview show? Watched by thousands of VoW fans all over the fucking world!?!? Am I so hard to find in private?! Or was this just a way for you to get more ratings for your stupid news show!”
"Stacy you know for a fact I could give two shits about the ratings! If what just happened got me fired I would accept it because I know I fucked up! I don't know why my impulses couldn't hold for another two or three minutes to talk to you after the show, I don't know why I couldn't shut my fucking mouth but I'm sorry that I couldn't!"
She walks a bit closer to me, scared beyond belief but trying to keep her cool with tears still rolling across her cheeks.
"Look...if what I did gets me put out of any chance of friendship with you...I'll accept it because what I did out there was not what was right and I feel ashamed of myself for doing it. But you need to know...the only reason it was so heavy on my heart to even blow this out of proportion is because I don't want to mentally lose another great person in my life to that razor blade."
With those words, Zelda finally burst and she collapses to the ground, sobbing more and more, a look of pain on her face.
“Oh so now you know what I’m going through? Fuck off! Look at you! With your blonde hair and your perfect body! Every kid in school must have been itching to spend every waking moment with you! Yeah? Am I right?”
She goes to respond but I don’t let her, I’m not fucking finished yet.
“Do you know what the kids at school would do whenever I walked past them? They turned away in disgust! Hell! The only fucking person who cared about me at school was the God damn fucking dinner lady! So don’t you dare try and pretend like you know what I’m going through!”
"Stacy I didn't...no, no I'm not going to argue with my best friend. Look...no I didn't go through what you did, but I watched my own twin sister go through it. I know from what I see that it is Hell, to have a whole world against you when someone else so close to you doesn't have that struggle. I wish every day I could have truly felt that struggle, but I didn't and I wish that even now with what you go through Stacy."
She stands up, whipping at her face to clear away the tears.
"And by the way...my blonde hair isn't even natural...only reason I got it was so my sister wouldn't have to constantly have her credit taken away from her by me like she did in school. No one deserves to be treated like shit...not her, not you...not anyone. It's why I want to do anything to protect the ones...the ones I love. I just am so afraid of losing someone so close to my heart again."
Damn it Stacy, stop being a bitch! Tell her you’re sorry and tell her everything about what you’re going through! She can help you! I want to tell her so badly, but at the same time, I don’t, but why? Am I refusing to let her in because I’m worried she may think less of me as a person? Even though the chances of that happening are very small if not non-existent? I don’t know! Damn these conflicting thoughts!
“I’m sorry Zelda...I’ve got to go...”
I turn to leave but stop midway before turning back to her, tears rolling down her cheeks as she looks deep into my eyes as if begging me to open up to her.
“I’m sorry about your sister...”
I then turn around and begin to head out of the building as I hear Zelda sobbing behind me...
...two hours later...
I burst through the door to my hotel room, tears streaming down my face, my cheeks stained black. I suddenly fall to my knees, clutching my head as I feel another painful memory coming, they’re getting worse and I need something to suppress them, before they take control of me completely.
“I can’t take this anymore...I can’t!”
I stagger to my feet and stumble through into the bathroom, still clutching my head in agony, I feel like someone is psychically trying to drill this memory into my head. I sit down on the toilet seat and bury my hand into my pocket, pulling the razor blade from it.
“I...I have no choice but to do this...”
Staring into the shiny metal blade, I begin to feel disgusted at what looks back at me, this weak, pathetic failure. I let out a blood-curdling scream before I plunge the corner of the blade into my left wrist and in one quick motion, I cut across it, watching the dark red thick substance ooze from my body.
“Why? Why is this happening to me...”
My heart rate begins to quicken as my body realizes that the circulation of my life force has been compromised. I begin furiously shaking my head as I grab one of the hotel room’s freshly clean white towels and wrap it around my wrist, putting pressure on the wound.
“I need help...”
I reach into the right hand pocket of my trousers and take out my phone, going into the contacts, I reach Zelda’s number and my thumb hovers over the call button and then moves over to the delete button before once again moving back over the call button.
“I...can’t...”
I slide off the toilet seat and land on the floor, letting the phone slip out of my hand as I just rest my head against the wall, sobbing away.
I don’t know what to do, I need help but I just don’t know if I want to let Zelda or even Katie try and help me through my problems. But I don’t want to push either of them away either, Zelda’s like the younger sister I never had, and as for Katie? Well she is all I ever see in my dreams, and whenever I’m awake, I just want to be with her, all day, every day.
