Post by thewarchild on Sept 19, 2015 1:35:07 GMT -6
Dear Journal,
Yes only you today, since I got in trouble with everyone one. I’m not allowed to see fans in my state, would be too much for them according to Shields, and M’lady deems it a distraction from what I need to focus on. But I’m saddened Journal, I didn’t do anything no one would expect, what? Oh I crystallized the remaining light tubes after breaking open the last Everlast bag, which was after four hours of electroshock treatment. See you agree with me Journal, nothing new…..yes I did more. Gah couldn’t just agree, I may have passed out from blood loss since I didn’t have shoes and did spend some time getting my ideas mapped on the walls. I’m sorry you didn’t get any in you, but M’lady doesn’t like me in my own crimson coating. Journal you should have seen the ideas though, hmmm my new hammer in action, Hana’s glass panels used to full effect, oh Journal, it was a crimson symphony. A masterpiece of human limitations and the depths we can take ourselves to in order to destroy each other. Oh Journal, I hate being trapped like this.
No Journal, I’m no longer under house arrest, but I have nowhere to go, I can’t drive, and when M’lady, Devi, and Shields have matters to attend to I’m stuck here alone, always alone. I have you Journal, but with you only being empty pages til fill them, you’re not the best to talk to. I know, I know Journal, I can always count on you to listen, but listening doesn’t help my ideas, my mind, or my solitude. I’m NOT DEPRESSED JOURNAL! I understand my emotions, my thoughts, I know what they mean and how to use them, I’m not wallowing in misery! I have all I need, it’s just not what is healthy for me according to those that care. Yes, I believe Shields cares, he may be sour of how things developed, and that I’ve made him bluer than the sky on plenty of occasions, but he cares. I’m either a daughter, or sister to him now, damaged, or miswired maybe but still someone he cares about.
Thank you Journal, yes the new tool is a beauty. Don’t change the subject again on me though. Hephty is fun, swings as if it is weightless in my hands, handles like a dream, and is just the right size to hide in my clothes if I need to. I’m glad M’lady got it for me to keep my imagination flowing, but sometimes I think she forgets that when it comes to waging war and destruction I know no limits. Journal, she’s considering options to prevent my self destruction extremes. We’re considering the Chosen’s opinions, and M’lady’s restraint jacket. M’lady cares deeply about me Journal, she does, but where she tries to be cool and collected at all times, my constant need for blood, for destruction, for war, are not factors she needs to deal with at all times. Our separation is needed according to her, and I continue to respect her wishes, but for me to be someone I’m not, would hurt us both more.
Journal, might we discuss the future? I know I’ve been ranting and you’re tired but I need to talk this over with you at least. Shields and M’lady discussed plans to move, I’m not sure the heat is for me, but being closer to M’lady would be nice. It’d take time, and control I do not know, to pull off. But it’s a future I want Journal. Hm? Oh we’re still looking, that’s why this employer change was needed. M’lady has heard whispers of an ally, and I think I will finally meet a dear friend after all this time. Oh, didn’t think I knew Journal? Oh I knew, just not who. I understand her and I have a connection or at least we could. M’lady and I don’t want false horsewomen. They will ride with us and we will serve as we were meant to, all others should beware. I’m hungry for blood Journal, more than you. The longer I wait, Journal, oh the wait, the more I need to bathe in it. Who’s doesn’t matter Journal, and that’s what M’lady fears, but when we step out and the lights show the world where we’ve chosen to lay claim to, mark my words Journal, there will be blood.
