I May Fall Jun 12, 2016 13:52:55 GMT -6
Post by Elskerinne on Jun 12, 2016 13:52:55 GMT -6
There's a moment that changes a life when...
We do something that no one else can.
And the path that we've taken can lead us...
One Final Stand.
We do something that no one else can.
And the path that we've taken can lead us...
One Final Stand.
The feed comes to life, a hush falling over the scene before us. A hotel room bed creaks as a small young woman in an off-white dress sits down upon it and situates the camera to face her. Blue eyes, the first things seen, hold a darkness one can never place. Is it of anger? Of hatred or... or pain? It certainly isn't remorse; no regrets for what she's done and who she's become. Not a single glint of guilt in that cold, heavy gaze...
"We condemn violence." The voice is soft, a slight European accent to it, but holds an unexpected sting. Though the mere tone feels forced, each word slowly enunciated. "War is c-considered a miserable subject. Terrorism a horrendous thing. Innocent lives lost in the fog of battle with countries we deem inferior to our own. Because... 'they started it'. We get upset when our children are killed but turn around and do the same to those in the middle east, but merely state that it's a 'consequence' of war. We bomb the sh-shit out of each other, considering it a necessary evil, until in the end... bodies litter the ground while the winner writes the history books. And we move on with our lives. Human nature, the most b-barbaric kind, turns into normalcy... and all I can say is..."
She leans forward, hands clasped tightly together in her lap, as frosted words escape her pale lips, "May God have mercy on your souls."
Now leaning back, the young woman brushes a strand of light blonde hair behind her ear as she continues in a far tenser tone than before, "What I'm g-getting at is... sometimes you must accept the fact that most people are g-garbage. That the majority of the world are hypocrites and don't care who they hurt if it benefits them or their c-cause. That... you can't trust anyone, and you can't give your heart to anyone. Realize... that there is no point in trying to find the good that isn't there."
She seems to swallow the last sentence as she stares away from the camera, an unreadable expression painted on her face. Finally, she finishes in an emotionless tone... though those baby blues hold a storm that exudes all the emotion we need, as an electric, static noise echoes from the fading camera... "If you keep b-believing that you can change the world... that people care whether your hurt them or... help them... you will, in the end... fall."
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She can't do anything. She'd stand there and watch her abused siblings fall apart. She'd see her father lose his will to live and her mother destroy all that was left. She'd notice the way the winds of time would rip apart her relationships with those she truly loves, while she keeps a safe distance from the lightning striking down each victim one by one. Keeping shelter from the pouring rain that is drowning everyone and everything around her and yet here she is unharmed yet still unhinged for what?! She lost her mind, but why? She wanted to die so many times and had no good fucking reason to.
Because she's still holding on.
Fair... what is fair? A life disconnected but out of harm's way... a heart neglected but safe from that blanket of hate that shrouded one of her siblings and fears the other. One greeted death with a smirk and a handshake and the other simply faded away. And here she stands, a cup of coffee in hand, wishing she could say what she never did and regretting the somewhat happy life she's lived. Because it's not... fair.
"It never has been..."
Breaking from my darker thoughts, I said this aloud, but quietly enough that no one nearby could hear. After all, the air about this event was cheerful and uplifting. A Celebration of Courage, as it was called, for kids with disabilities; both physical and mental. It touched my heart, as someone with bipolar... as someone who knows others, people very close to her, who battle those same or similar demons each day. As someone who has held a sword to her own mind's throat and forced away the worst part of her. I was always lucky enough to be able to do things like that... these kids? Not so much.
"An endless battle for them, huh?" A new voice, definitely snarkier in tone but still somewhat gentle and kind, entered my ears as a tall, dark haired woman stepped up beside me. That raven mane fell slightly over her sea-colored eyes as she nudged me with an elbow. I glanced at my friend, Thea, who donned black shorts and a really cute sleeveless blouse... her rusted, metallic cross necklace loose around her neck.
The barely older woman paused when she noticed the video opened on my phone... "That's gotta be the fifth time you've watched that..."
"Maybe. I just... why would she send something like that to me..."
"Why does JB do a lot of the shit she does?" Thea casually responded, throwing her arms up and behind her head, clasping one wrist with the opposite hand. Her gaze trailed over me as a slight frown crossed those red lips, "She's trying to get under your skin. Still. You can't let it bother you..."
"It's not like she's wrong. Humanity is pretty fucked up..."
"But I will always believe that there's good in everyone."
Thea's concerned gaze morphed into a grin as she nudged me playfully again and started back toward the kids, immediately going to fingerpaint with them. Watching this scene for a moment, I then rubbed the back of my neck and exhaled slowly. It was hot... like 80 degrees hot... and while I was wearing jean shorts, a black t-shirt (reading, beneath a blurred picture of a red haired warrior wielding a shield and spear-like weapon: "Do You Believe in Destiny?"), and no shoes... I still felt like I was melting.
"I thought it was supposed to storm..." I mumbled to myself, glancing up at the barely clouded sky. Jutting my lower lip out, I shrugged a shoulder and continued forward. Like always. I knew I had a lot of training and studying to do for Fate of the Gods, especially being against a former champ and all around skilled wrassler. This was our biggest event, and I'd promised to bring it... no matter the memories that were starting to resurface. The memories... I'd tried to brush under the rug, when I started over...
With a slow exhale from my still pouted lips, my electric blue eyes trailed along the 200 or so people in attendance. Children in wheelchairs clapped excitedly along with the live music, others munched on the free snacks provided while getting dragons and butterflies painted on their face. You had autistic kids and kids with down syndrome laughing and running around. Their parents chatted amongst one another with smiles on their faces, because for once they could relax and enjoy the sound of their kid's joy without worrying about an episode or them getting hurt. Because they had a safe place to just... have fun. And live.
It was held both indoors and out, the indoor area having a pool and games and the like while the outdoors had the band, the emerald grass, and booths of all kinds. The turnout for volunteers was amazing and could put a tear in anyone's eye. This is what I lived for. For so long I stood in the corner of contentment wondering what I could do and why I was alive and now, in the midst of the limelight of my career... I knew that I could stand for something. For someone. For all of them.
"Thank you gentlemen, for a wonderful performance!" One of the curators of this event (a kind, middle aged woman in an elegant sundress) stood on the small stage the band had just politely exited. She smiled out toward the crowd and continued in a loud, cheerful voice, "And now we'll have a few words from one of our biggest and most famous sponsors... give a big round of applause for VoW Superstar... El-uh, Elskerinne!"
Bemused that she struggled with my name, I strolled on over and slapped on my usual goofy grin. Hopping up the steps, I took the microphone from the curator's hand, thanked her, and put it to my lips... "Hi guys!"
"Hiiii!!!" The kids all shouted in unison back, causing some of the adults to chuckle while others also greeted me. My grin only grew as I rocked on my heels slightly on that stage.
"Is everyone having fun~"
With a laugh, as some of the kids wildly threw their arms in the air, I ran a hand through my hair and continued, "Good! Now... I wanna thank everyone who showed up here and has done their part for this community and for these kids. I can, to a small degree, understand what they're going through each day. And to be able to not only be there for them, play with them, and help put smiles on their faces... but also to donate my time, effort, and money to this cause?? That's what makes everything worthwhile."
I stopped talking to the parents and suddenly lowered myself closer to the ground, eyes locking onto the kids in the front row, "You're important. You're awesome. And you have so much to offer this world. You're a part of our future and I'd say we're definitely in good hands. Everything you do can make the world a really nice place. Don't you guys wanna see flowers bloom, the sun shine, and your mom and dad and brothers and sisters smiling??"
"Yeeeaa!" The kids were quieter now, agreeing with me, as smiles still shone on their little faces. My eyes softened exponentially, the parents, volunteers, and Thea watching me proudly... happily... as I finalized my mini speech to these kiddies (over anyone else)...
"Don't ever let anybody tell you that you can't make all that happen, okay? You're super strong in so many ways and can do so much! You'll change the world, my loves, and I mean it when I say it... Long-"
"... live Elskerinne, long live our dreams!!!" Everyone shouted my little mantra back at me and as I received a round of applause for my brief but heartfelt speech, Thea shot me a wink and gestured for me to come over. As the curator took back the mic and continued speaking about what people could continue to do for this cause, I slid out of the way and sauntered over to my companion.
Thea's grin faltered slightly, "I wish you wouldn't call me those weird names..."
"Why? Steak is f'n delicious."
"... uh huh. Anyway." She took me a bit further aside and took out her phone. After a minute she held the screen up to me so I could read a few comments with a raised eyebrow. "Looks like people are siding with Tyler."
"Your point?" I questioned with a frown, "Ty is talented as hell and has a lot of backing from fans all around the globe. I'm just some crazy, mannequin lovin', shit talkin' fool."
"E." Thea started firmly, lowering her phone as she scolded me, "You're more than that. You're proving that today. You use your fame, even if your stardom doesn't shine as bright as others', to influence things like this."
She brandished her arms out toward the still bustling event, and I shook my head and smirked, "It's not that big a deal. Althouuughh... I think I need to let something off of my chest either way. It's been bothering me since the last event. And though I'm not exactly concerned with my career or those in it, as much I should be that is, I'm still Elskerinne. Wrestler. Fighter. Lover of life, fists, and common sense. No matter the wins or losses or whatever, something needs to be set straight... y'know? So let's put this stuff on hold, I'll step over there, and actually act like the superstar I am. Time to spit some truth..."
Walking purposefully out of earshot from those in the event, I leaned against the wall of a building not far off that wasn't being used at the moment. Thea did her thing, stepping back and pointing her camera toward me. As she was hitting record, I leaned down and picked up a piece of gravel and stared at it with a frown. Sweet T awkwardly cleared her throat, signalling to me that the feed had started, but I merely lifted my head and stared blankly into the camera. After a moment, my eyes seemed to change... only the slightest bit... as my voice escaped in a rough yet thoughtful tone...
"Ever wonder why I like mannequins so much, Mr Storm? Why the first thing I did when coming to VoW was act like a weirdo, creep people out, and utilize those plastic figurines? Was it to get a reaction? To watch people stumble over explaining what exactly was happening? Or was it because... they represent who I am...?"
Tossing the piece of gravel into the air, I flumped back against that wall and stared downward as I spoke, "I'm pretty fucking fake. The smile. The laugh. The joy in my eyes... undeserved and not fought for... I-"
"Don't." Thea suddenly interrupted, and I noticed that she had lowered the phone and was glaring at me with the saddest of expressions. I felt my body tense as she continued in a tightened tone, "Don't you even dare say that you regret your smile."
"You. Tyler. Zelda. Stacy. Zahara. Constance. Katie. Kelsey. Matt. Everyone. You all put on this mopey demeanor and act like you don't deserve to be happy. Because of fuck ups here and there or because you keep getting fucked over. You force that happiness away by your own hand and then wonder why fate is so cruel. Cheer up, buttercup, life's not that dark. JB is wrong."
Clenching my teeth, I irritably gestured for her to lift her phone... and soon, reluctantly, she did so...
"As I was saying... I always thought that... because I dealt with a small portion of bad in comparison to the large amount of good in my life... that I didn't deserve to feel happy. I didn't fight for it. There was no war for my smile. It just... grew there. Because every waking moment I'd see more and more of the good in things. I was in such a bad place, Tyler... for so long. And then... I saw the light. In the darkest of places I saw the fucking light. But fuck me for smiling, right? Fuck me for thinking maybe the world ain't so bad. Maybe, if I shake away the shadow and step out into the sun, I'd feel that warmth again. And I did. And I have. So yes, I regretted my smile. I felt guilty for loving life. But no longer. I can be proud of those things. And that's why I'm here now, in VoW... to help others feel the same."
Taking a breath, I started to pace, Thea scrambling to follow my movements, "That said... I'm actually a pretty shitty person to be honest. While I love helping people and putting smiles on faces, I absolutely loathe seeing people fall down the rabbit hole because they were following an imaginary 'truth'. People wonder why, as a supposed 'good person', I point out the flaws in character and morality. Why I mention the lack of logic and tear apart the fabric of one's persona. And that is because... the truth will set you free. I said I'm plastic because I force a smile. I said I'm plastic because I pretend I'm happy even when in actuality? I hate myself sometimes. But that's the reason for the symbolism of the mannequins. So no... I'm not plastic... I'm not a... mannequin... because of bullshitting people about what I am and what I plan to accomplish. I set realistic goals and while I'm not quite normal, I'm nowhere near crazy. I just think too much, and see the world through my heart instead of my eyes. And there's where my mouth comes in."
Said mouth twisted from it's sad grin into a frown as I stopped pacing and faced the camera again, blue eyes glinting in the hot sun as I put my arms behind my back and leaned toward Thea's phone.
"I wanna know why things turned out this way, Tyler. I'm putting aside our fight. I'm sure it'll be shaking hands, kicking ass, and shaking hands again after. Simple and straight forward. A respectable match between two respectable people. But while I'm very much excited for that... I'm questioning your blatant lack of fucking common sense."
I paused, realizing how mean that sounded... then also realizing that I don't really care. It needed to be said. For their sake.
"I say this outta love, guys. Because I care about you two. Because I can't stand to see you, Zelda, Stacy, Katie... your whole squad... acting like fools because of one manipulative little puppy whose really obnoxious bark is worse than her bite." A slight smirk as I dropped my arms and lifted one to study my nails casually, "Now I'm not saying that your wife or... I guess ex... is stupid but... maybe she isn't exactly seeing too straight right now??? Maybe she was super stressed and not thinking clearly? I mean... really Zel???"
"Let's remember..." Thea chimed in again, "Zelda isn't your opponent."
"Of course she isn't. I have a point here and it's about you, Ty." I shook my head and jabbed that finger toward the camera now, furrowing my brow disappointedly, "She crucified a woman who was already nailed to the wood. And then flip a switch and suddenly they're BFFs again? Talk about emotional whiplash. Meanwhile, you get left in the dust by two people who... quite frankly... don't seem to have any emotional stability or levelheadedness. And all this is in the eye of the public..."
"What kind of role models do that...??" Thea murmured, starting to see where I was going with this. I stared downward in thought, before lifting that gaze again with a shake of my head, a grimace forming on my lips...
"I was looking forward to a fair fight. A fight between two people who were genuinely good people, or at least tried to be. I was looking forward to walking backstage with you and your wife and telling you guys how awesome that was and how we showed people exactly what wrestling is about. I was looking forward to... a battle between friends. But this battle is now a war, and I'm on the edge of our friendship, looking over and wondering if I should fucking jump ship..."
I hesitated, a strange feeling at the pit of my stomach as I clenched my fists at my sides. This scene was all too familiar, especially as of late, and I hated that I kept having to set shit straight. Maybe I just attracted people who stood for all the wrong things... or all the right things, but in the wrong way. And that had to change. We may condemn violence... but sometimes that's the only option. Because there is good there, and I will always look for it. Even if I have to force it outta them.
There are moments that can change lives... maybe that's just what this pay-per-view calls for.
"... I stand with you, Tyler." The statement alone spoke volumes, and I stood taller and stared directly into the lens of Thea's phone... as if challenging anyone watching. As if speaking to not only Tyler Storm, but to anyone who didn't believe my words.
"I know that you guys are making this as peaceful as possible for your child's sake, and I wholeheartedly respect that. And while I don't tend to take sides, I just... don't understand Zelda anymore. Fallible in every sense of the word and if my words here upset you then my theory is correct. You keep dragging yourself into messes, hon. You always seem to be involved in some kind of drama. It becomes unbearable to watch as you sink deeper... and someone needs to knock some sense into you..."
Before you drown.
A pang in my chest, and I put a hand there before biting my lip and glowering away. I wasn't sure what to say. While I didn't want to upset my friend, I wanted to make a point; to make an example out of him. Because this has become too much. And the people watching? The ones looking up to us for guidance, whether we like it or not? They deserve better.
"The fans need a role model." My eyes snapped back up and I stared deeply into the camera now, a purpose to that gaze. "One who doesn't fall into traps so easily and magnetize senseless, melodramatic commotion. One who doesn't desecrate the idea of love, friendship, and even pride. The fans don't need a wishy washy, angry, weak superstar... they need a legend, and guess who's stepping up to the plate? Watch yourself. I may fall, but I always stand right back up and give people somethin' to cheer for. That's what differentiates us, Mr Storm. And that's what Fate of the Gods will be a catalyst for. So long live Elskerinne, long live their dreams."
Loud voices suddenly rang through the yard as a couple kids practically tackled me to the ground, right as I finished my little speech. Relaxing a bit after such weighted words, and quickly plastering a smile to my face, I laughed and gently moved them away. Standing straight, I brushed myself off and placed my hands to my hips.
"Okay okay! What's up, kiddos?"
"Come play with us! We're starting hide and seek!" One cried excitedly, pretty much hopping up and down. With a warm smile, I trailed my eyes back up to Thea. She also grinned as she shut off her phone (following the posting of our video), before shoving it into her pocket and nonechalantly strolling forward. She leaned down to eye level with the little people.
"I'm the hide and seek champ, guys. You sure you're ready for this?"
The kids giggled and with a shout of joy, they started dragging Thea and I away. However, before we got very far the sound of a phone ringing echoed from the pocket of my shorts. Blinking, and recognizing that particular tone... I shook off the kids and pulled out my cell. Taking a quick glance, a small smile made it's way onto my face. I then looked at the confused boys in front of me, shook my head, and reassured them quickly, "I'll be right there guys, okay? Just gotta answer this. Show Thea where the best hiding spots are okay??? I'm gonna count first!"
Watching the three run off, Thea glancing over her shoulder warily, I waved slightly and gave a quick thumbs up. The corny gesture didn't seem to lessen her worry, but she let it go and turned back around as I exhaled slowly and slid the 'answer button' to the right. I then placed the phone to my ear, but before I could say anything...
"I... d-do care."
And with that... a couple beeps and she'd hung up. I slowly pulled my cell from the side of my head and stared down at it, grip tightening slightly as the serious gaze faded out. It was replaced with a smile not so plastic... and a mindset not so hardened, but filled with fire all the same. Because, though I may fall... I will still stand tall, be exemplary, and fight for them. And I will prove that legends do exist...