Post by Rayne Draven-Omega on Aug 14, 2016 21:37:32 GMT -6
The brisk air, chilled the skin of my forearms. A little too low, and I turned the level knob for the air conditioning down two notches. The seat next to me, empty. A glance in the rearview mirror showed two empty car seats as Rodney and Aiden were home with Ryan. I needed to escape, a moment of clarity. The past year has been challenging, but I dealt with it the best I could. The damn near ending of my career when Beck Ramsey and Big Boss Hogg tossed me down arena steps, only a couple Breakthroughs after last year’s Heatstroke. A time when Ramsey exposed and took advantage of my scarecrow phobia. A time when I actually was on good terms with Gwendolyn Massey, because of my forming a friendship with her mentor, my former rival, Nekia Shaw. A time when Reya Serra Janason was my best friend in the whole damn world. Scratch that, the sister I had always wanted, or up until the past few months had thought I wanted.
“How could you!?” I finally blurt out. My eyes start to well up and I knew that my mascara was gonna run at any moment. “Do you know what my life was like for the past few months while you wanted to be a superhero in Africa? Vanessa wasn’t the only one that got hurt. Paxar and I were hurt as well. You were a source of my strength. You leave you go to Liberia, and you know what I learned? I’m weak without you. I succumbed to my demons because I couldn’t think straight. My own sister ran willingly into a disease ravaged nation. Poverty, famine. And I can’t even vent without feeling guilty, like I’m the bad guy. What problems can the wife of a man who helps run a business have? What problems can the heiress of one of America’s largest corn producer’s have? What problems can I have when that compared to a hungry 12 year old who may have just contracted Ebola? Tell me Reya! Tell me now! And now Ryan tries to bridge the gap by booking us as a team? Reuniting The Awakening without consulting me? Thinking I can move on just because a Twin City title shot is in our grasps?"
At this point I’m sobbing, unsurprisingly. It’s all I ever feel like I do anymore. But something caught me off guard. I was being embraced. Embraced by someone who is so formal it could make the average person puke.
“I am sorry, Rayne. It was my calling. I never meant to put anyone through that pain. Truth be told, I was miserable when realizing I was halfway across the world from my family and friends. However I cannot, do not, and will not feel guilty for attempting to help those in need. I have seen many horrors while I was away. But they were easier to cope with and with the strength of God, I was able to get through them. I witnessed a fair share of tragedy. There were miracles. However, I had to get back home. This is where I belong. My family needs me now. This is where I will stay.”
I scoff at my recollection of what happened over a year ago. It almost seemed as if my family was back together in the spring of 2015. Reya was back home where she belonged. We were in contention for the Twin City Championships, despite losing to the ever dominate Gang Stars. Things were great; they were stable. Then injuries happened around Heatstroke last year. My femur was broken as well as Reya’s hand. Shortly our injuries, I went to the fabric store one day to fashion a cosplay, I came back home and found Reya and Paxar’s rooms to be near empty with only a handful of each of their belongings left behind. Not a trace nor a word to alert or prepare me for their exit.
She lied to me. She disappeared as soon as she came back. I remember throwing one of my crutches which knocked a portrait of the Virgin Mary off the wall in Reya’s old bedroom. She gave me her word, and Reya was the last person on this earth I would have expected to lie to me. I would have sooner thought Ryan to have shown a glimmer of dishonesty. This was my best friend? This was my sister? Anybody who watched professional wrestling, was a slave to the sport and spectacle, over the past couple years knew that Reya and Rayne were virtually inseparable. That these two women had that special bond that can only be shared between two people.
Ryan was the cheese to my macaroni, but Reya, she was the yin to my yang and the stars to my moon. Even the bond I had with Stacy was never as close to the one I had with mi hermana. The only part that messed with me the most was that this time, Paxar up and left as well. Paxar knew just as well as I did what it is like to be abandoned, and she did it as well this time.
Over the course of the months I had sent numerous voicemails to Reya.
July 30th, 2015
“Hello and greetings. You have reached the voicemail box of Reya Serra Janason. For all booking inquiries, you may please send a detailed electronic mail to PaxarVega@vow.com. Otherwise you may please leave a detailed recorded message, and I will promptly get back to as soon as possible. Thank you.”
BEEP
“Hey, Rey. Is everything alright? Your room is near empty and I am not sure where you and Paxar went. I tried calling her as well, but her cell battery may be dead. Remind her she still needs to set up her voicemail box. Just call me back when you get a chance. Love you, bye.”
August 3rd, 2015
“Hello and greetings. You have reached the voicemail box of Reya Serra Janason. For all booking inquiries, you may please send a detailed electronic mail to PaxarVega@vow.com. Otherwise you may please leave a detailed recorded message, and I will promptly get back to as soon as possible. Thank you.”
BEEP
“Reya, it’s me just calling again. I am getting worried about you, I haven’t heard from you since you left and I have no idea where you are or how you’re doing. I hope you are alright. Ryan just came home and he told me that Frank passed away. I cannot believe it. He fought along side us and he’s gone. This just sucks, call me back. I know this must be hard for you as well.
August 5th, 2015
“Hello and greetings. You have reached the voicemail box of Reya Serra Janason. For all booking inquiries, you may please send a detailed electronic mail to PaxarVega@vow.com. Otherwise you may please leave a detailed recorded message, and I will promptly get back to as soon as possible. Thank you.”
BEEP
“Rey, I haven’t heard back so I assume the news has crushed you. I don’t know if you got the information but the funeral is this Saturday at Grace Funeral Home down in Miami. Maybe I will see you down there, if you choose to come. Just a heads up, Adrian, I heard, is going. I know you don’t care for him after what he did to V, but he was Frank’s tag partner. Hear from you soon.”
August 8th, 2015
“Hello and greetings. You have reached the voicemail box of Reya Serra Janason. For all booking inquiries, you may please send a detailed electronic mail to PaxarVega@vow.com. Otherwise you may please leave a detailed recorded message, and I will promptly get back to as soon as possible. Thank you.”
BEEP
“I didn’t see you at the funeral, but I saw that you and Paxar signed the book for the viewing. I get it, seeing Frank like that was hard. He was vibrant, large, powerful. everything that what laid on that wasn’t. There were no dry eyes. If you aren’t ready to talk about it. I understand, but please call me back."
September 14th, 2015
“Hello and greetings. You have reached the voicemail box of Reya Serra Janason. For all booking inquiries, you may please send a detailed electronic mail to PaxarVega@vow.com. Otherwise you may please leave a detailed recorded message, and I will promptly get back to as soon as possible. Thank you.”
BEEP
“Reya, I need someone to talk to. I need my sister, my best friend. I think my marriage is falling apart. Ryan spends all these late hours at the office. He comes home, he barely notices me. He plays with the boys which is good. He is an attentive father. But after we put them to bed, he either watches TV or just plays that damn PlayStation. I bring it up, but he just shrugs it off and says I am being controlling, or come up with some excuse. I just want to spend time, but I feel like I am not worth it. It hurts.
September 23rd, 2015
“Hello and greetings. You have reached the voicemail box of Reya Serra Janason. For all booking inquiries, you may please send a detailed electronic mail to PaxarVega@vow.com. Otherwise you may please leave a detailed recorded message, and I will promptly get back to as soon as possible. Thank you.”
BEEP
“Reya, was it something I did? Are you avoiding me? Things with Ryan are getting worse. He stopped coming to bed and just passes out on the couch with the TV on. This isn’t the man I married. It makes me sad. Especially since he is a great father. Call me."
October 3rd, 2015
“Hello and greetings. You have reached the voicemail box of Reya Serra Janason. For all booking inquiries, you may please send a detailed electronic mail to PaxarVega@vow.com. Otherwise you may please leave a detailed recorded message, and I will promptly get back to as soon as possible. Thank you.”
BEEP
“I kicked him out of the house. He has been staying in St. Paul with Stefan. It’s like his soul sucked out of him ever since the board of directors canned him. I think he resents me because he lost his job when he started pummeling the shit out of Beck. I don’t know what to do.”
October 31st, 2015
“Hello and greetings. You have reached the voicemail box of Reya Serra Janason. For all booking inquiries, you may please send a detailed electronic mail to PaxarVega@vow.com. Otherwise you may please leave a detailed recorded message, and I will promptly get back to as soon as possible. Thank you.”
BEEP
"Rodney and Aiden are so cute in their Halloween costumes. They are dressed as the 10th an 11th Doctors. I sent a pic to Paxy’s phone if you want to see. Stop back in if you can. Rodney has been asking about his aunties. We miss you.
December 8th, 2015"
December 2nd, 2015
“Hello and greetings. You have reached the voicemail box of Reya Serra Janason. For all booking inquiries, you may please send a detailed electronic mail to PaxarVega@vow.com. Otherwise you may please leave a detailed recorded message, and I will promptly get back to as soon as possible. Thank you.”
BEEP
“I let Ryan back in the house. It was too hard on the boys. I still feel abandoned. But I can’t let this impact my children. We are having Christmas dinner, my dad and Ryan’s family are coming over. We will have a place set for you and Paxar.”
December 25th, 2015
“Hello and greetings. You have reached the voicemail box of Reya Serra Janason. For all booking inquiries, you may please send a detailed electronic mail to PaxarVega@vow.com. Otherwise you may please leave a detailed recorded message, and I will promptly get back to as soon as possible. Thank you.”
BEEP
“I was hoping you would come over for dinner, or at least say ‘Merry Christmas’ to the boys. I appreciate that you and Paxar sent them gifts. But the point was to spend time as a family. I hope you and Paxar are safe. Call me back. Merry Christmas, love you.”
January 1st, 2016
“Hello and greetings. You have reached the voicemail box of Reya Serra Janason. For all booking inquiries, you may please send a detailed electronic mail to PaxarVega@vow.com. Otherwise you may please leave a detailed recorded message, and I will promptly get back to as soon as possible. Thank you.”
BEEP
Happy New Year. I have been kind of seeing this new guy. I haven’t done anything with him, but he seems interesting. I have a feeling Ryan and I are over.
February 1st, 2016
No ringing, straight to voicemail.
“Hello and greetings. You have reached the voicemail box of Reya Serra Janason. For all booking inquiries, you may please send a detailed electronic mail to PaxarVega@vow.com. Otherwise you may please leave a detailed recorded message, and I will promptly get back to as soon as possible. Thank you.”
BEEP
“Reya, are you okay? I can’t believe what just happened? Are you there? Are you back home in Puerto Rico? I am sure Matt is helping the paramedics revive her. She should be fine. Reya, if you need I will get the next flight to San Juan. Just tell me, if you need me.”
February 1st, 2016
No ringing, straight to voicemail.
“Hello and greetings. You have reached the voicemail box of Reya Serra Janason. For all booking inquiries, you may please send a detailed electronic mail to PaxarVega@vow.com. Otherwise you may please leave a detailed recorded message, and I will promptly get back to as soon as possible. Thank you.”
“I don’t even know what to say. I had ESPN on and that’s how I found out. She’s... God help us. This is unreal. Look I can fly down, drive to Caguas. Even Cera didn’t deserve this. Call me. I need to know you are alrigh... Of course you’re not alright. Your sister just died after getting attacked on live TV. I am booking a flight right now and getting my Dad to watch the boys.”
That was the last voicemail I ever left Reya. I did make that flight down to San Juan, and I did drive down to Caguas. The only problem was that I was looking for a ghost. Reya was nowhere to be found. I had brought myself miles away from home for no reason. I stayed the night, looking for information on what arrangements they had for for Cera to no avail. I boarded the first flight back to Minnesota and that was that.
After pulling into the parking lot, I eye the shops and see the man I had been casually interested in for a while. With a twisting motion, the wedding ring is removed from my finger and placed in the arm rest compartment. Some may say what I am doing is wrong. I feel guilty about it, but I am not happy anymore. I want to be with someone who appreciates me. I no longer have a sister nor my husband fulfilling that role. My kids appreciate me, but I am more than just a mother. Are these human desires wrong? The fact of the matter is that people will judge me if they ever find out. I have to accept it. However, for just a little longer this will remain my little secret.
“How could you!?” I finally blurt out. My eyes start to well up and I knew that my mascara was gonna run at any moment. “Do you know what my life was like for the past few months while you wanted to be a superhero in Africa? Vanessa wasn’t the only one that got hurt. Paxar and I were hurt as well. You were a source of my strength. You leave you go to Liberia, and you know what I learned? I’m weak without you. I succumbed to my demons because I couldn’t think straight. My own sister ran willingly into a disease ravaged nation. Poverty, famine. And I can’t even vent without feeling guilty, like I’m the bad guy. What problems can the wife of a man who helps run a business have? What problems can the heiress of one of America’s largest corn producer’s have? What problems can I have when that compared to a hungry 12 year old who may have just contracted Ebola? Tell me Reya! Tell me now! And now Ryan tries to bridge the gap by booking us as a team? Reuniting The Awakening without consulting me? Thinking I can move on just because a Twin City title shot is in our grasps?"
At this point I’m sobbing, unsurprisingly. It’s all I ever feel like I do anymore. But something caught me off guard. I was being embraced. Embraced by someone who is so formal it could make the average person puke.
“I am sorry, Rayne. It was my calling. I never meant to put anyone through that pain. Truth be told, I was miserable when realizing I was halfway across the world from my family and friends. However I cannot, do not, and will not feel guilty for attempting to help those in need. I have seen many horrors while I was away. But they were easier to cope with and with the strength of God, I was able to get through them. I witnessed a fair share of tragedy. There were miracles. However, I had to get back home. This is where I belong. My family needs me now. This is where I will stay.”
I scoff at my recollection of what happened over a year ago. It almost seemed as if my family was back together in the spring of 2015. Reya was back home where she belonged. We were in contention for the Twin City Championships, despite losing to the ever dominate Gang Stars. Things were great; they were stable. Then injuries happened around Heatstroke last year. My femur was broken as well as Reya’s hand. Shortly our injuries, I went to the fabric store one day to fashion a cosplay, I came back home and found Reya and Paxar’s rooms to be near empty with only a handful of each of their belongings left behind. Not a trace nor a word to alert or prepare me for their exit.
She lied to me. She disappeared as soon as she came back. I remember throwing one of my crutches which knocked a portrait of the Virgin Mary off the wall in Reya’s old bedroom. She gave me her word, and Reya was the last person on this earth I would have expected to lie to me. I would have sooner thought Ryan to have shown a glimmer of dishonesty. This was my best friend? This was my sister? Anybody who watched professional wrestling, was a slave to the sport and spectacle, over the past couple years knew that Reya and Rayne were virtually inseparable. That these two women had that special bond that can only be shared between two people.
Ryan was the cheese to my macaroni, but Reya, she was the yin to my yang and the stars to my moon. Even the bond I had with Stacy was never as close to the one I had with mi hermana. The only part that messed with me the most was that this time, Paxar up and left as well. Paxar knew just as well as I did what it is like to be abandoned, and she did it as well this time.
Over the course of the months I had sent numerous voicemails to Reya.
July 30th, 2015
“Hello and greetings. You have reached the voicemail box of Reya Serra Janason. For all booking inquiries, you may please send a detailed electronic mail to PaxarVega@vow.com. Otherwise you may please leave a detailed recorded message, and I will promptly get back to as soon as possible. Thank you.”
BEEP
“Hey, Rey. Is everything alright? Your room is near empty and I am not sure where you and Paxar went. I tried calling her as well, but her cell battery may be dead. Remind her she still needs to set up her voicemail box. Just call me back when you get a chance. Love you, bye.”
August 3rd, 2015
“Hello and greetings. You have reached the voicemail box of Reya Serra Janason. For all booking inquiries, you may please send a detailed electronic mail to PaxarVega@vow.com. Otherwise you may please leave a detailed recorded message, and I will promptly get back to as soon as possible. Thank you.”
BEEP
“Reya, it’s me just calling again. I am getting worried about you, I haven’t heard from you since you left and I have no idea where you are or how you’re doing. I hope you are alright. Ryan just came home and he told me that Frank passed away. I cannot believe it. He fought along side us and he’s gone. This just sucks, call me back. I know this must be hard for you as well.
August 5th, 2015
“Hello and greetings. You have reached the voicemail box of Reya Serra Janason. For all booking inquiries, you may please send a detailed electronic mail to PaxarVega@vow.com. Otherwise you may please leave a detailed recorded message, and I will promptly get back to as soon as possible. Thank you.”
BEEP
“Rey, I haven’t heard back so I assume the news has crushed you. I don’t know if you got the information but the funeral is this Saturday at Grace Funeral Home down in Miami. Maybe I will see you down there, if you choose to come. Just a heads up, Adrian, I heard, is going. I know you don’t care for him after what he did to V, but he was Frank’s tag partner. Hear from you soon.”
August 8th, 2015
“Hello and greetings. You have reached the voicemail box of Reya Serra Janason. For all booking inquiries, you may please send a detailed electronic mail to PaxarVega@vow.com. Otherwise you may please leave a detailed recorded message, and I will promptly get back to as soon as possible. Thank you.”
BEEP
“I didn’t see you at the funeral, but I saw that you and Paxar signed the book for the viewing. I get it, seeing Frank like that was hard. He was vibrant, large, powerful. everything that what laid on that wasn’t. There were no dry eyes. If you aren’t ready to talk about it. I understand, but please call me back."
September 14th, 2015
“Hello and greetings. You have reached the voicemail box of Reya Serra Janason. For all booking inquiries, you may please send a detailed electronic mail to PaxarVega@vow.com. Otherwise you may please leave a detailed recorded message, and I will promptly get back to as soon as possible. Thank you.”
BEEP
“Reya, I need someone to talk to. I need my sister, my best friend. I think my marriage is falling apart. Ryan spends all these late hours at the office. He comes home, he barely notices me. He plays with the boys which is good. He is an attentive father. But after we put them to bed, he either watches TV or just plays that damn PlayStation. I bring it up, but he just shrugs it off and says I am being controlling, or come up with some excuse. I just want to spend time, but I feel like I am not worth it. It hurts.
September 23rd, 2015
“Hello and greetings. You have reached the voicemail box of Reya Serra Janason. For all booking inquiries, you may please send a detailed electronic mail to PaxarVega@vow.com. Otherwise you may please leave a detailed recorded message, and I will promptly get back to as soon as possible. Thank you.”
BEEP
“Reya, was it something I did? Are you avoiding me? Things with Ryan are getting worse. He stopped coming to bed and just passes out on the couch with the TV on. This isn’t the man I married. It makes me sad. Especially since he is a great father. Call me."
October 3rd, 2015
“Hello and greetings. You have reached the voicemail box of Reya Serra Janason. For all booking inquiries, you may please send a detailed electronic mail to PaxarVega@vow.com. Otherwise you may please leave a detailed recorded message, and I will promptly get back to as soon as possible. Thank you.”
BEEP
“I kicked him out of the house. He has been staying in St. Paul with Stefan. It’s like his soul sucked out of him ever since the board of directors canned him. I think he resents me because he lost his job when he started pummeling the shit out of Beck. I don’t know what to do.”
October 31st, 2015
“Hello and greetings. You have reached the voicemail box of Reya Serra Janason. For all booking inquiries, you may please send a detailed electronic mail to PaxarVega@vow.com. Otherwise you may please leave a detailed recorded message, and I will promptly get back to as soon as possible. Thank you.”
BEEP
"Rodney and Aiden are so cute in their Halloween costumes. They are dressed as the 10th an 11th Doctors. I sent a pic to Paxy’s phone if you want to see. Stop back in if you can. Rodney has been asking about his aunties. We miss you.
December 8th, 2015"
December 2nd, 2015
“Hello and greetings. You have reached the voicemail box of Reya Serra Janason. For all booking inquiries, you may please send a detailed electronic mail to PaxarVega@vow.com. Otherwise you may please leave a detailed recorded message, and I will promptly get back to as soon as possible. Thank you.”
BEEP
“I let Ryan back in the house. It was too hard on the boys. I still feel abandoned. But I can’t let this impact my children. We are having Christmas dinner, my dad and Ryan’s family are coming over. We will have a place set for you and Paxar.”
December 25th, 2015
“Hello and greetings. You have reached the voicemail box of Reya Serra Janason. For all booking inquiries, you may please send a detailed electronic mail to PaxarVega@vow.com. Otherwise you may please leave a detailed recorded message, and I will promptly get back to as soon as possible. Thank you.”
BEEP
“I was hoping you would come over for dinner, or at least say ‘Merry Christmas’ to the boys. I appreciate that you and Paxar sent them gifts. But the point was to spend time as a family. I hope you and Paxar are safe. Call me back. Merry Christmas, love you.”
January 1st, 2016
“Hello and greetings. You have reached the voicemail box of Reya Serra Janason. For all booking inquiries, you may please send a detailed electronic mail to PaxarVega@vow.com. Otherwise you may please leave a detailed recorded message, and I will promptly get back to as soon as possible. Thank you.”
BEEP
Happy New Year. I have been kind of seeing this new guy. I haven’t done anything with him, but he seems interesting. I have a feeling Ryan and I are over.
February 1st, 2016
No ringing, straight to voicemail.
“Hello and greetings. You have reached the voicemail box of Reya Serra Janason. For all booking inquiries, you may please send a detailed electronic mail to PaxarVega@vow.com. Otherwise you may please leave a detailed recorded message, and I will promptly get back to as soon as possible. Thank you.”
BEEP
“Reya, are you okay? I can’t believe what just happened? Are you there? Are you back home in Puerto Rico? I am sure Matt is helping the paramedics revive her. She should be fine. Reya, if you need I will get the next flight to San Juan. Just tell me, if you need me.”
February 1st, 2016
No ringing, straight to voicemail.
“Hello and greetings. You have reached the voicemail box of Reya Serra Janason. For all booking inquiries, you may please send a detailed electronic mail to PaxarVega@vow.com. Otherwise you may please leave a detailed recorded message, and I will promptly get back to as soon as possible. Thank you.”
“I don’t even know what to say. I had ESPN on and that’s how I found out. She’s... God help us. This is unreal. Look I can fly down, drive to Caguas. Even Cera didn’t deserve this. Call me. I need to know you are alrigh... Of course you’re not alright. Your sister just died after getting attacked on live TV. I am booking a flight right now and getting my Dad to watch the boys.”
That was the last voicemail I ever left Reya. I did make that flight down to San Juan, and I did drive down to Caguas. The only problem was that I was looking for a ghost. Reya was nowhere to be found. I had brought myself miles away from home for no reason. I stayed the night, looking for information on what arrangements they had for for Cera to no avail. I boarded the first flight back to Minnesota and that was that.
After pulling into the parking lot, I eye the shops and see the man I had been casually interested in for a while. With a twisting motion, the wedding ring is removed from my finger and placed in the arm rest compartment. Some may say what I am doing is wrong. I feel guilty about it, but I am not happy anymore. I want to be with someone who appreciates me. I no longer have a sister nor my husband fulfilling that role. My kids appreciate me, but I am more than just a mother. Are these human desires wrong? The fact of the matter is that people will judge me if they ever find out. I have to accept it. However, for just a little longer this will remain my little secret.