A Fine Ass Line

The loser hides behind...
A mask of my disguise...
And who I am today...
Is worse than other times...

There's a fine line between who we are and what we may become; Gods-given talent versus potential. Yet an ingrained notion of our own identity clouds our judgment as to what promise we might have. This is what I'm good at, so I'll stick to it. This is what I'm physically capable of, so I'm slapping some gorilla glue to the soles of my shoes.

Good thing I don't like wearing them.

Pull up your feet and take a step forward; escape that comfort zone. Because that fine line's meant to erased. Aptitude meets possibility and you become that much more with each limit you push. Understanding these limits, working around them and at times even stretching them... can lead to unexpected results. Good or bad, you live and learn... whether you take that chance is in your hands.

You see, control is difficult to maintain. As you force your way through barriers, you start to understand that. The world will keep spinning, even if you tell it not to. Civilization moves forward, humanity stays at their erratic pace, and we all turn to dust in the end. There's no way around that.

So what we do is try to mold what we can. Those who are content with who they are and not who they can be stay in the corner and watch as those who want more push and shove their way through the sea of desperate men, all trying to play parts that don't suit them. Throw on a mask and wait. Can people see through that charade?

Onto the next one.

Human beings strive to grow. It's natural to want to be more than what meets the eye. A selfish bastard gripping each victory with calloused hands, so proud to stand in the midst of power and prestige while others so longingly stare after him. He fought his way through and stayed the same, so why can't they be there?

They can. That's the point.

We have to work harder. Push further. Dig deeper. We have to force our way forward with both hands tied behind our back and rocks tied to our ankles. Because some of us have to try. Every day, meticulous training that never seemed like it'd pay of. Every day, a bloodied fist thrown into the air despite that. Every day... forcing the demons away and standing with head held high because we can pull through and be what others said we never could! Every fucking day we become stronger and we break down walls before us and we take these bandaged hands and demolish that goddamn line because we. Will. Not. Be. Held. Down.

We are not immortal. We are not impervious to pain or suffering or negativity. We are not naturally capable of moving mountains. We press against them and that force grows with each glint of hunger that flashes in our eyes. A hunger for that which might seem impossible. A hunger for that long-lost potential. A hunger to defy every callous word spoken and every faithless gaze sent our way. To stand tall, even when others still rise above us. And to accept what we can do... and eventually accomplish... what we never thought we could.

Yes. We walk that fine ass line.






A bittersweet Summer's end was creeping up on us. Mornings and evenings now getting colder. The exhausting heat very slowly becoming a distant memory. And hotels saving money on a/c. Yet I still woke up a bit groggy that morning. Was it because I had a lot on my mind? From Rayne... to that asshole, Slater... and even myself. Thoughts invading my mind like flies to trash. It'd keep anyone awake... then again, so would staying up late watching lets plays. I don't know why Subnautica is so fascinating, dammit! Maybe it's the gravely, husky tone of Mar-

This thought trailed off suddenly when I felt a smaller form stir against me. With a quiet exhalation, I slowly opened my eyes and stared tiredly at the ceiling of the hotel room. It was a simplistic establishment... not too ritzy... and we were cooped up in a double bedded room (microwave and fridge included because I felt like splurging). I was currently laying on the oh-so-typically designed hotel bed. A hand tightened on my shirt, and I slightly lowered my head to stare down at the young woman curled up against me. J.B was still fast asleep and while I didn't exactly wanna wake the innocent(ish) lady.......

"I have shit TO DO!"

The elevation in my voice startled my companion awake, while also making my other roomie jump! Thea peered over from her laptop with an annoyed expression...

"Oh, you're finally awake."

"It's still early!"

"Noon is not early, E. For god's sake-"

"Let's not bring deities into this, Sweet T. Mine are way cooler."

"Both of you shut... UP." J.B suddenly snapped, rolling away from me and sitting up. Her hair was disheveled (in an adorable way), and the large t-shirt she wore to bed hung loosely off one of her shoulders. I stared dreamily for a moment before receiving a cold stare, "You're a-annoying."

With a dramatic gasp, I put a hand to my chest, insulted, "How... how rude. And so early in the morning!"

"AFTERNOON."

"Shut up, Thea."

My friend was also now staring daggers at me, and I smiled innocently and started to move off the bed... but J.B shoved me instead, causing me to face-plant into the carpet!

Rolling up back to my feet, I put a hand gingerly to my cheek and shouted, "THAT HURTS!"

"Good."

"You're okay with injuring me before a big match? That's cool. Fuck you, too!" I snapped, twirling on my heel and moving swiftly into the bathroom. I could practically feel J.B roll her eyes behind me as I shut the door and exhaled again. The early silliness almost immediately wore off when I got alone...

It's fine. It's cool. We're... cool.

I can't breathe.

Something felt so... off... about this week. Maybe it was the fact that I'd invited those thoughts and ideologies back in. Reality is a cruel mistress... one I comprehend and deal with every goddamn day of my life. I face it... and the demons that come with it... head on. Aha... sometimes they win.

Lifting electric blue eyes to my reflection, I could feel everything sinking in. Last week I'd gotten a win over an old friend, if not adoptive family member... and it'd felt like we'd connected again. Which is good, of course... but... I was losing other things, other people. Sure, Tyler got back in touch. He'd texted me once I'd given him my number again, reassuring me about his back... reassuring me that I wasn't to blame.

I was.

And Slater... after my mental recollection... he'd shown up. He'd accused me of things. And he got a mouthful right back. Once my silver knight, now a mere ghost of his former self. Then again... one could say the same about me, huh?

I turned the faucet to cold and swiftly splashed water into my face, trying to wash away all these feelings of remorse and... hate.

With a startled gasp, my arms flailed out a bit and knocked over the bottle of soap sitting on the counter, which fell right on my left foot! I jumped back in pain and fell right into the bathtub, shouting out in alarm!

BAM!

"What the hell's going on?!" Thea came running in after whipping the door open, a look of concern painted on that sexy face. I could see J.B staring blankly in my direction from the bed, where she still sat. She cares so much.

"I fell..." I mumbled dazedly, and T helped me up and checked me for injuries... before pulling back and looking me in the eye.

"Maybe it wasn't the right time to come ba-"

"I. Fell."

My friend kept the gaze held for a moment, before she let me go and turned to walk away. I stared downward, before shooting a look to the side to once more glance at my reflection. When did I start looking so tired?

"You gonna be ready to go soon? We're scheduled in to the Summer Garden Theater at around 1 so... not a lot of time..." Thea nonchalantly pointed out, brushing what had just happened off... and I nodded numbly before the three of us began getting ready...

Soon enough we'd gotten dressed, did all the shit women do before going out, and were on our way.

Now the Summer Garden Theater in Annapolis was built in 1966. This was an old-ass community theater that has brought the citizens together many times. We were lucky enough to secure a spot, despite it only being a ten minute 'intermission' type deal. But I digress... any time on the stage is my time to shine, min venn!

Slapping on a smile as we entered the establishment, I glanced over my shoulder to get a good look at my compatriots. J.B, in all her glory, stood in a tight white dress, a black flower pinned to her her blonde hair. Thea, on the other hand, donned a black jacket and red undershirt, with a rather trendy scarf. Jeans, of course, were both of our pants of choice. I, however, wore a flowing red tunic that happened to have a hood. And, of course, my mask hung from my neck...

"Ah! Mizz Elskerinne! We've been expecting you!" A rather flamboyant, jolly man practically bounced over. His mustache was twirly, and he was dressed in some kind of quartet-like costume for one of the plays (I presume). He shot me a toothy grin as he continued, "The name is Alabaster!"

"That sounds made up," I jokingly responded.

"And Elskerinne does not?"

"... touche."

"Anyway!" He smiled again, and I tried to keep a straight face as I could see Thea watching with an amused expression... J.B looking increasingly agitated by his... uh... eccentric... personality. "Despite us only being able to get you a short spot, we couldn't be happier to have a wrestling phenomenon such as yourself gracing us today!"

Okay, this guy was trying way too hard.

"Uh, thanks..." I smiled sheepishly, rubbing the back of my neck, "I appreciate the hospitality, but you're giving me too much credit..."

"Nonsense! Look at all you've accomplished!" He laughed as he led us through to the back of the stage, "You make it look easy!"

Easy. The word hung in the air in front of me, and I tried to process it. I bit my tongue. This man had no idea who I was...

"I'm interested to be able to send a message about Mr Lightwood on your stage..." I started, and the look on Alabaster's face confirmed his lack of knowledge... or apparently research. People really should do their research.

"So when am I on?" I questioned as he stopped behind the back curtain of the stage. Turning back to me, he shot me that corny 'I'm forcing a cheerful demeanor or else I'll get bitched out' grin once more...

"In about ten! Be ready, I'll announce you shortly!"

With that, he scurried off. I stood there, hip popped to the side and hand resting on it. "What a strange man."

"You're one t-to talk," J.B murmured, crossing her arms across her chest. I stared at her, receiving a lifted eyebrow in response, "... what?"

"Hmm. Nothin. I love you, b.t.dubz."

"... w-what?" The shorter blonde went red when I said that, and Thea snickered. L.o.L... so easily flustered. With a wink, I snuck over to the refreshments table nearby. It was a side table with like three donuts and a coffee carafe. If I have to actually explain what I got, then you really need to re-evaluate your living situation. Beneath a rock isn't exactly the best housing you could have (insert obligatory Spongebob reference here).

"So... E..." Thea slithered up behind me as J.B scrambled in the background, trying to de-saturate her scarlet face.

"Yesss?"

"What's actually wrong?"

A bit of silence followed that question, before I turned fully to my friend. Downing a full cup of the obviously cheap coffee in mere seconds, I slammed that foam cup down onto the table hard enough for it to break into pieces. The dark haired beauty frowned at the mess and peered down at me curiously as I responded,

"There's a fine line between heroism and selfishness."

"What?"

"Why do I do it? This positivity thing... trying to spin my own and others' insanity, their illnesses, into a better message? To try to let them know it's okay to smile and have fun... seems as pointless as a penis on a fish." I looked at my palm, squinting, then shook my head and looked back up at T, "I'm not tryin' to be depressing or a buzzkill. And I know I've said all this before. I mean, I've never really known who I am, just what I am and what I want to accomplish. That's the point..."

I slowly touched at the mask still dangling from my neck, and Thea frowned in thought... before finally replying casually, "You're not a hero, for one. You never even claimed that. You're just trying to be a light in an otherwise darkened world. That's why people like you and follow you. Because yeah, your reasons may be a little selfish... but you've been a voice for a lot of people. Anyone who finds fault in that, or triesto demean that, is either a heartless piece of shit... or is trying way too hard to be edgy and 'cold'."

The corner of my lips twitched upward, and I shook my head and sighed, "Maybe. I'm not having doubts, don't worry. I know what I'm setting out to accomplish. And I know how harsh reality can be on an ideology like that. But I've always liked a challenge."

"Well you'll be getting that this week." T mumbled, and I flinched as Alabaster's voice suddenly rang through the afternoon air. The three dozen or so people in the audience clapped at his appearance.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to our intermission! While we usually have live music to play here... today we have a brief word from a young woman who you may have seen on TV! After all, the federation she is a part of will be at the Alumni Hall on Friday! Yes, folks... it is none other than Visions of Wrestling's own... ELSKERINNE!"

The applause I received, while unwarranted in my opinion, was nice to hear as the spotlights dimmed low and I slowly walked out on stage, lowering my mask. The set-up was simple... a wooded area, and me... in my little red hood... standing in the middle of it all. I could see the lights of phones recording me, but I paid it no mind as I began my lil spiel.

"I'm sure you've heard this before... an old Cherokee proverb describing the two wolves." On cue, a howl echoes from the speakers as dog-like shadows creep behind me, "They fight within each and every one of us. One represents darkness; anger, hatred, guilt, revenge, agony. The other represents light; happiness, love, hope, peace. Good versus evil. The two forces that drive your very life. I'm sure you're wondering which wins the fight..."

The shadows began chasing each other, until I threw an arm out... and one 'fell over'. The crowd watched curiously as I lowered my arm, the one wolf shadow standing triumphant behind me against the fake wooded area. I speak softly, calmly, with a narrowed gaze... "It's the one you feed who wins..."

Lifting my chin and ignoring Alabaster pointing at an invisible watch on his wrist, I continued coolly, "Keelan Lightwood is the next story to tell... the next tale to unravel. If you know anything about the man, you know which wolf he feeds. Some of us are torn between the two, their jagged claws and sharpened fangs digging into us as we try not to feed the one tearing everything apart... reality. That's what it is, Keelan. And you claim to understand that?"

I took a few steps forward, the wolves behind me now growing in number, starting a line behind me as the spotlight remains trained on my stiff, rather serious form...

"It's not all fun and game, you know. Positivity brings power you obviously can't comprehend. An Emma Carlisle rip-off with a little less weirdness... I'd say you have a lot to learn before you even reach her level."

Pausing, I shook my head and laughed lightly, waving a hand in the air as the lights brightened a bit, "But why be so serious, little wolf? You've already jumped down the rabbit hole, now keep following your delusions! You're a strong individual... talent immense. Hell, despite training I assume you take part in... it probably runs in your blood, doesn't it? You live and breathe violence. You wanna not only destroy your opponents, but also their careers. And ya know what?"

I threw my arms wide, smiling in an almost hysterical fashion, eyes glinting behind my mask, "I'm right here, pup. Throw your worst at me, because I've said it before to the dozens of people exactly. Like. You. I will be victorious either way. Because I learn and adapt... there's a fine line between losing and growing. And while I will do my damnedest to send a message your way... to stand above you as the winner? I get that you're probably stronger. You're probably a better fighter. I saw the four-way... I know what you're capable of. And listen well, you dark wolf... I choose kindness and hope because it breeds a positive difference. However... I'll defend what and who I stand for without hesitation. Make no mistake... little red is just as fierce."

With that, the lights flicker and return to normal, with polite applause echoing from the bemused audience. They seemed to like my words, though rushed and a bit dark. Nonetheless, I took a bow and smiled brightly at them, only to get requests for a few autographs. With that smile still plastered to my face, despite those beasts still fighting within the depths of my mind... I moved forward. Just as I would following Breakthrough 51. What can I say? Letting the dark wolf win wasn't an option... not if I wanted to keep our Vision alive.