Post by Bobby Backdoor on May 26, 2014 22:56:50 GMT -6
Victory.
My abrupt return to the squared circle somehow was a victorious one. Carter Grace IV proved himself to be a very worth adversary, taking me to my limits and then some. Carter pushed me to be better, and somehow I was able to pull the strength together to do it. I went from not expecting to wrestle again to winning a match in a matter of 48 hours. To say it'd been a whirlwind of a time would be an understatement.
When Ryan Omega had tricked me into signing a contract to compete in Visionaries of Wrestling, I had a mix of emotions. It was mostly shock, anger, and anxiety, but deep down...deep deep down, it was excitement. I missed wrestling. It was who I was. I could deny it to myself all day long, but part of me always knew I wanted to return. I was standing there on the ledge the entire time, and all it took was someone to push me. It just that one little nudge. Ryan Omega did the honors.
Now why Ryan would want me, that's the part that I'm not totally understanding. To say our interactions in the past hadn't been pleasant would be an understatement, especially on Ryan's end. Our first interaction was when I formed Phoenix, initiating a brutal beatdown of his stable United at the end of NEW's Justice PPV. The next, and last, time we'd met up was in a ladder match that was one of the final matches of his career. It had been a brutal match, but I'd been the one to ascend the ladder and bring down the New Edge Wrestling Youngblood title.
My run ins with Ryan had always ended with him being physically taken apart. So why the hell did he want to bring me to this company?
I'm sure I'll learn soon enough.
Should be a good time! So...
…
THWACK!
Hit in the arm by an object, Bobby Backdoor snapped out of his daydream immediately, dropping the box he was holding to the ground with a crash. After getting his wits together, he looked up to see a snickering Cameraman Dan looking his direction.
“What the hell, Dan?!” Bobby yelled. “Why do you have to throw shit?!”
“I'd been calling your name forever, Bobby. Wake up! It's moving day and you haven't moved shit into the apartment. As usual, I'm stuck here doing all the work,” Dan complained.
“Dan, let me ask you a question...” Bobby said.
“Shoot.”
“When's the last fight you were in?” Bobby asked.
“Well, you slapped me around a few times back when we lived in Chicago...” Dan said.
“Those were love taps, friendship shit,” Bobby said. “When was the last time you were in a REAL fight? When was the last knockdown, drag-out brawl you were in?”
“Uh...” Dan mumbled.
“I'm waiting...” Bobby said, tapping his foot.
“I was in this pretty crazy fight with Robbie Weissman at his Bar Mitzvah...” Dan admitted.
“Bar Mitzvah?!” Bobby asked, surprised. “The last fight you were in was when you were 13?”
“No, he was 13...” Dan admitted. “I was uh...older...”
“How much older?” Bobby asked, curious.
“18...” Dan said, embarassed.
“What the fuck were you doing fighting 13 year olds at their bar mitvahs when you were 18?! Why the fuck were you even at a Bar Mitvah when you were 18?! You're not even Jewish!” exclaimed Bobby.
“Hey!” Dan said. “His parents were friends with my parents and they made me go!” Dan shouted. “Trust me, I didn't want to go! I hated that kid! Such a little bully!”
“Wait,” Bobby said, placing his hand up on his forehead. “Please tell me you didn't lose this fight...”
“Well...” Dan said, eyes staring into the ground.
“Jesus Christ, Dan!” Bobby yelled, waving his arms emphatically. “At eighteen you lost a fight to a 13 year old?!”
“Shut up!” Dan said. “I don't want to talk about it anymore. Why the hell are you even asking me when my last fight was anyway?”
“Because you know when my last fight was?”
“Uhhh...two days ago...” Dan said.
“That's right! Two days ago! That's why you're doing the heavy lifting with this move! I'm sore as hell!” Bobby shouted.
“Fine, fine...” Dan said, grabbing his box.
Bobby looked down at what Dan threw at him. It was a pink plastic two ball looking apparatus. Bobby picked it up, laughing.
“Hey Dan, is this what you threw at me?” Bobby asked, holding up the plastic apparatus.
“Yeah,” Dan said. “That's the weirdest kind of ball I've ever seen,” Dan said. “I knew you were into sports, but what is that used for?”
“Sports?” Bobby asked. “You think this is used for sports?”
“Yes...” Dan said, nervous. “Wait, it's not?”
“Oh no...” Bobby said, laughing. “Not any mainstream 'sports' that is...”
“Wait, what is that?” Dan asked, frantic. “What did I just touch?”
“Well these are balls, you're right,” Bobby said. “But these are kegel balls, Dan.”
“What the hell are kegel balls?” Dan asked, confused.
“Dan, these are things you put in your ass and then adjust so you can learn to control your rectum. This is a tool I'd use to help me recover after pornos...”
“Wait...so you're telling me...” Dan said, nervously.
“Yep,” Bobby said.
“You're telling me I just touched something that has been IN YOUR ASS?!” Dan yelled.
“Oh yes, very much in. Deep!” Bobby said, laughing.
“FUCK!” Dan said, sprinting up the stairs and into Bobby and Dan's new apartment. Dan ran straight for the shower, shedding clothes and hopping in.
…
-ONE HOUR LATER-
“Jesus christ, you were in there forever!” Bobby yelled at Dan as he emerged from the shower in their new St. Paul, Minnesota 2 bedroom apartment. “I am not paying for half of the water bill if you're going to take showers like that! Who were you in there jerking off to?”
“Jerking off?” Dan asked, confused. “I wasn't jerking off to anyone...”
“Oh, you weren't. Weird. That's why I always take long showers. I do it all the time in the shower,” Bobby said.
“I was in there scrubbing myself from head to toe because I touched something that was in your ass!” Dan said. “Wait...did you say you jerk off in the shower all the time?”
“Every day,” Bobby said.
“We used the same shower in Chicago...” Dan said. “Are you telling me I showered where your jizz had been?”
“I aimed for the drain!” Bobby said. “That's why I did it in the shower. It got washed down the drain!”
“Oh, okay...” Dan said, relieved.
“But then again, I got powerful jizz,” Bobby said. “Who knows how big the splash radius could have been...”
“FUCK!” Dan said. “SHOWERS! I think I need a million showers!”
“Shut the fuck up, Dan!” Bobby said. “A little jizz never hurt anyone...well unless you're Freddie Mercury or one of the other millions of people who've died of AIDS worldwide...”
“WHAT THE FUCK!” Dan yelled.
“...Which I don't have!” Bobby said.
“Okay...” Dan said.
“...I think...”
“BOBBY!”
“I'm kidding,” Bobby said, with a laugh. I had to get tested by the athletic commission to wrestle for VoW. We're all good on the STD front. Clean as ever!”
“Speaking of VoW,” Dan said. “Did you see who you are fighting this week?”
“No, I didn't,” Bobby said. “Who is it?”
“Mugen Mushaboom,” Dan said.
“Who the fuck is that?” Bobby asked, perplexed.
“He wrestles for VoW also...” Dan said.
“Never heard of him.”
“You both wrestled on the same card two days ago!” Dan said.
“I didn't watch any of the other matches!” Bobby exclaimed, pacing around the room. “I was too worked up about my own match to notice anything else going on. So tell me something about this Mugen Mushaboom. ...Mugen Mushaboom. That's a weird name. Where is he from?”
“Japan...”
“WHAT?!” Bobby said. “HELL NO!”
“What do you mean, hell no?” Dan asked, confused.
“I don't fuck around with the Japanese!” Bobby said. “Not after the incident of '07. Never again!”
“What the hell happened in 2008?” Dan asked.
“No!” Bobby shouted. “I couldn't bear to relive it.”
“Please...” Dan asked.
“Fine,” Bobby said, caving.
“It was Fall 2008 and my porno career was going better than ever. I'd become the top seller of all gay porn in the country, wait, not just the country. I was the top seller of all gay porno in the WORLD. I had offers to fly to film in all kinds of places. I was living the life, well as far as lives where you take things up your ass for a living go. I got an offer to shoot in Japan and I decided to take it. I caught my first flight to Beijing, the capital of Japan...”
“Beijing is in China,” Dan said. “Tokyo is the capital of Japan...”
“Fuck, don't interrupt me!” Bobby said. “As I was saying, I caught my first flight ever to Tokyo, so excited about the opportunity to film porn in another country. I got there and got to the set and I went to the makeup lady and got all of my dick makeup out.”
“Wait, dick makeup?” Dan asks. “What the fuck...”
“The dick is the star,” Bobby said. “The star needs makeup! Now stop interrupting! I told the lady to apply the makeup and she said it doesn't matter. She said it's because all dicks in Japanese porn are blurred out. What the fuck!”
“It's true,” Dan said. “I used to watch a lot of it in high school.”
“Shut the fuck up, high school,” Bobby said. “You're so into Japanese things with your anime and shit I think I caught you jerking off to a sushi menu one time. Now, onto the story again...”
“I was appalled! My dick needs to be viewed. It's glorious! If you're going to blur the dicks, then what the fuck is the point of the porn? I told them this wasn't going to work out for me and I bolted. I caught the first cab to the airport. I was going back to America where dicks are viewed and appreciated! My cab almost made it to the airport, before it was cut off by a black SUV. A bunch of Japanese men in suits hopped out of the SUV and grabbed me out of the cab. They threw a bag over my head and tossed me into the SUV.”
“Holy shit!” Dan said.
“And the next thing I knew,” continued Bobby, “I awoke in a warehouse in Japan, surrounded by a bunch of Yakuza members.”
“Whoa!” Dan said. “Yakuza, why?”
“It turns out the Yakuza control all of the gay porn in Japan. My leaving was going to cost them a lot of money. They demanded I do the blurry dick porn. They said they would hurt me if I didn't.”
“So you did it, right?” Dan asked, enthralled by the story.
“Hell no!” Bobby said. “I told them it was a matter of pride. I took pride in my work and no blurry dicked porn would ever come from Bobby Backdoor!”
“Oh shit, what did they say?!” Dan asked.
“They were upset. One grabbed a samurai sword while the others restrained me. A couple more of them pulled my pants down to my ankles. I struggled, but there was nothing I could do. One of the men grabbed me by the junk and slapped it down on the table. The man with the sword raised it over his head, while he yelled 'choppy choppy pee pee'!”
“OH MY GOD!” Dan said. “Holy shit, they cut off your dick?!”
“NO, they didn't cut off my dick!” Bobby said. “You've seen my dick a million times! Does it look like someone cut it off?”
“Well, you never know with advances in modern medicine...” Dan started.
“What happened was, right then the door of the warehouse burst open!” Bobby said.
“Who was it?!” Dan asked.
“It was the samurai!” Bobby said. “It turns out the samurai fought against the Yakuza. The Samurai believed that the dick needed to be shown as art and not blurry. The Samurai were free dick crusaders!”
“Uhhhh...what?...” Dan asked.
“The samurai burst in and they had this epic battle with the Yakuza. I was able to crawl to the door and get the hell out of there and out of Japan and keep my manhood in tact. Every time I go to Japan now, I have to watch out for Yakuza. They want revenge. That's why I am skeptical of facing a Japanese guy,” Bobby said.
“There is no way that any of that is true...” Dan said.
“I know,” Bobby said with a laugh. “But you believed almost all of that shit. What a moron!”
“Fuck you, Bobby.” Dan said. “You can never take anything seriously.”
“Oh, I'll take this match seriously. “Mega Mushroom, I'm coming for you!”
“It's Mugen Mushaboom...” Dan said.
“Whatever, I'm coming for his Jap ass!” Bobby said. “Blurry dicks be damned!”
“You're such a fucking idiot, Bobby.”
My abrupt return to the squared circle somehow was a victorious one. Carter Grace IV proved himself to be a very worth adversary, taking me to my limits and then some. Carter pushed me to be better, and somehow I was able to pull the strength together to do it. I went from not expecting to wrestle again to winning a match in a matter of 48 hours. To say it'd been a whirlwind of a time would be an understatement.
When Ryan Omega had tricked me into signing a contract to compete in Visionaries of Wrestling, I had a mix of emotions. It was mostly shock, anger, and anxiety, but deep down...deep deep down, it was excitement. I missed wrestling. It was who I was. I could deny it to myself all day long, but part of me always knew I wanted to return. I was standing there on the ledge the entire time, and all it took was someone to push me. It just that one little nudge. Ryan Omega did the honors.
Now why Ryan would want me, that's the part that I'm not totally understanding. To say our interactions in the past hadn't been pleasant would be an understatement, especially on Ryan's end. Our first interaction was when I formed Phoenix, initiating a brutal beatdown of his stable United at the end of NEW's Justice PPV. The next, and last, time we'd met up was in a ladder match that was one of the final matches of his career. It had been a brutal match, but I'd been the one to ascend the ladder and bring down the New Edge Wrestling Youngblood title.
My run ins with Ryan had always ended with him being physically taken apart. So why the hell did he want to bring me to this company?
I'm sure I'll learn soon enough.
Should be a good time! So...
…
THWACK!
Hit in the arm by an object, Bobby Backdoor snapped out of his daydream immediately, dropping the box he was holding to the ground with a crash. After getting his wits together, he looked up to see a snickering Cameraman Dan looking his direction.
“What the hell, Dan?!” Bobby yelled. “Why do you have to throw shit?!”
“I'd been calling your name forever, Bobby. Wake up! It's moving day and you haven't moved shit into the apartment. As usual, I'm stuck here doing all the work,” Dan complained.
“Dan, let me ask you a question...” Bobby said.
“Shoot.”
“When's the last fight you were in?” Bobby asked.
“Well, you slapped me around a few times back when we lived in Chicago...” Dan said.
“Those were love taps, friendship shit,” Bobby said. “When was the last time you were in a REAL fight? When was the last knockdown, drag-out brawl you were in?”
“Uh...” Dan mumbled.
“I'm waiting...” Bobby said, tapping his foot.
“I was in this pretty crazy fight with Robbie Weissman at his Bar Mitzvah...” Dan admitted.
“Bar Mitzvah?!” Bobby asked, surprised. “The last fight you were in was when you were 13?”
“No, he was 13...” Dan admitted. “I was uh...older...”
“How much older?” Bobby asked, curious.
“18...” Dan said, embarassed.
“What the fuck were you doing fighting 13 year olds at their bar mitvahs when you were 18?! Why the fuck were you even at a Bar Mitvah when you were 18?! You're not even Jewish!” exclaimed Bobby.
“Hey!” Dan said. “His parents were friends with my parents and they made me go!” Dan shouted. “Trust me, I didn't want to go! I hated that kid! Such a little bully!”
“Wait,” Bobby said, placing his hand up on his forehead. “Please tell me you didn't lose this fight...”
“Well...” Dan said, eyes staring into the ground.
“Jesus Christ, Dan!” Bobby yelled, waving his arms emphatically. “At eighteen you lost a fight to a 13 year old?!”
“Shut up!” Dan said. “I don't want to talk about it anymore. Why the hell are you even asking me when my last fight was anyway?”
“Because you know when my last fight was?”
“Uhhh...two days ago...” Dan said.
“That's right! Two days ago! That's why you're doing the heavy lifting with this move! I'm sore as hell!” Bobby shouted.
“Fine, fine...” Dan said, grabbing his box.
Bobby looked down at what Dan threw at him. It was a pink plastic two ball looking apparatus. Bobby picked it up, laughing.
“Hey Dan, is this what you threw at me?” Bobby asked, holding up the plastic apparatus.
“Yeah,” Dan said. “That's the weirdest kind of ball I've ever seen,” Dan said. “I knew you were into sports, but what is that used for?”
“Sports?” Bobby asked. “You think this is used for sports?”
“Yes...” Dan said, nervous. “Wait, it's not?”
“Oh no...” Bobby said, laughing. “Not any mainstream 'sports' that is...”
“Wait, what is that?” Dan asked, frantic. “What did I just touch?”
“Well these are balls, you're right,” Bobby said. “But these are kegel balls, Dan.”
“What the hell are kegel balls?” Dan asked, confused.
“Dan, these are things you put in your ass and then adjust so you can learn to control your rectum. This is a tool I'd use to help me recover after pornos...”
“Wait...so you're telling me...” Dan said, nervously.
“Yep,” Bobby said.
“You're telling me I just touched something that has been IN YOUR ASS?!” Dan yelled.
“Oh yes, very much in. Deep!” Bobby said, laughing.
“FUCK!” Dan said, sprinting up the stairs and into Bobby and Dan's new apartment. Dan ran straight for the shower, shedding clothes and hopping in.
…
-ONE HOUR LATER-
“Jesus christ, you were in there forever!” Bobby yelled at Dan as he emerged from the shower in their new St. Paul, Minnesota 2 bedroom apartment. “I am not paying for half of the water bill if you're going to take showers like that! Who were you in there jerking off to?”
“Jerking off?” Dan asked, confused. “I wasn't jerking off to anyone...”
“Oh, you weren't. Weird. That's why I always take long showers. I do it all the time in the shower,” Bobby said.
“I was in there scrubbing myself from head to toe because I touched something that was in your ass!” Dan said. “Wait...did you say you jerk off in the shower all the time?”
“Every day,” Bobby said.
“We used the same shower in Chicago...” Dan said. “Are you telling me I showered where your jizz had been?”
“I aimed for the drain!” Bobby said. “That's why I did it in the shower. It got washed down the drain!”
“Oh, okay...” Dan said, relieved.
“But then again, I got powerful jizz,” Bobby said. “Who knows how big the splash radius could have been...”
“FUCK!” Dan said. “SHOWERS! I think I need a million showers!”
“Shut the fuck up, Dan!” Bobby said. “A little jizz never hurt anyone...well unless you're Freddie Mercury or one of the other millions of people who've died of AIDS worldwide...”
“WHAT THE FUCK!” Dan yelled.
“...Which I don't have!” Bobby said.
“Okay...” Dan said.
“...I think...”
“BOBBY!”
“I'm kidding,” Bobby said, with a laugh. I had to get tested by the athletic commission to wrestle for VoW. We're all good on the STD front. Clean as ever!”
“Speaking of VoW,” Dan said. “Did you see who you are fighting this week?”
“No, I didn't,” Bobby said. “Who is it?”
“Mugen Mushaboom,” Dan said.
“Who the fuck is that?” Bobby asked, perplexed.
“He wrestles for VoW also...” Dan said.
“Never heard of him.”
“You both wrestled on the same card two days ago!” Dan said.
“I didn't watch any of the other matches!” Bobby exclaimed, pacing around the room. “I was too worked up about my own match to notice anything else going on. So tell me something about this Mugen Mushaboom. ...Mugen Mushaboom. That's a weird name. Where is he from?”
“Japan...”
“WHAT?!” Bobby said. “HELL NO!”
“What do you mean, hell no?” Dan asked, confused.
“I don't fuck around with the Japanese!” Bobby said. “Not after the incident of '07. Never again!”
“What the hell happened in 2008?” Dan asked.
“No!” Bobby shouted. “I couldn't bear to relive it.”
“Please...” Dan asked.
“Fine,” Bobby said, caving.
“It was Fall 2008 and my porno career was going better than ever. I'd become the top seller of all gay porn in the country, wait, not just the country. I was the top seller of all gay porno in the WORLD. I had offers to fly to film in all kinds of places. I was living the life, well as far as lives where you take things up your ass for a living go. I got an offer to shoot in Japan and I decided to take it. I caught my first flight to Beijing, the capital of Japan...”
“Beijing is in China,” Dan said. “Tokyo is the capital of Japan...”
“Fuck, don't interrupt me!” Bobby said. “As I was saying, I caught my first flight ever to Tokyo, so excited about the opportunity to film porn in another country. I got there and got to the set and I went to the makeup lady and got all of my dick makeup out.”
“Wait, dick makeup?” Dan asks. “What the fuck...”
“The dick is the star,” Bobby said. “The star needs makeup! Now stop interrupting! I told the lady to apply the makeup and she said it doesn't matter. She said it's because all dicks in Japanese porn are blurred out. What the fuck!”
“It's true,” Dan said. “I used to watch a lot of it in high school.”
“Shut the fuck up, high school,” Bobby said. “You're so into Japanese things with your anime and shit I think I caught you jerking off to a sushi menu one time. Now, onto the story again...”
“I was appalled! My dick needs to be viewed. It's glorious! If you're going to blur the dicks, then what the fuck is the point of the porn? I told them this wasn't going to work out for me and I bolted. I caught the first cab to the airport. I was going back to America where dicks are viewed and appreciated! My cab almost made it to the airport, before it was cut off by a black SUV. A bunch of Japanese men in suits hopped out of the SUV and grabbed me out of the cab. They threw a bag over my head and tossed me into the SUV.”
“Holy shit!” Dan said.
“And the next thing I knew,” continued Bobby, “I awoke in a warehouse in Japan, surrounded by a bunch of Yakuza members.”
“Whoa!” Dan said. “Yakuza, why?”
“It turns out the Yakuza control all of the gay porn in Japan. My leaving was going to cost them a lot of money. They demanded I do the blurry dick porn. They said they would hurt me if I didn't.”
“So you did it, right?” Dan asked, enthralled by the story.
“Hell no!” Bobby said. “I told them it was a matter of pride. I took pride in my work and no blurry dicked porn would ever come from Bobby Backdoor!”
“Oh shit, what did they say?!” Dan asked.
“They were upset. One grabbed a samurai sword while the others restrained me. A couple more of them pulled my pants down to my ankles. I struggled, but there was nothing I could do. One of the men grabbed me by the junk and slapped it down on the table. The man with the sword raised it over his head, while he yelled 'choppy choppy pee pee'!”
“OH MY GOD!” Dan said. “Holy shit, they cut off your dick?!”
“NO, they didn't cut off my dick!” Bobby said. “You've seen my dick a million times! Does it look like someone cut it off?”
“Well, you never know with advances in modern medicine...” Dan started.
“What happened was, right then the door of the warehouse burst open!” Bobby said.
“Who was it?!” Dan asked.
“It was the samurai!” Bobby said. “It turns out the samurai fought against the Yakuza. The Samurai believed that the dick needed to be shown as art and not blurry. The Samurai were free dick crusaders!”
“Uhhhh...what?...” Dan asked.
“The samurai burst in and they had this epic battle with the Yakuza. I was able to crawl to the door and get the hell out of there and out of Japan and keep my manhood in tact. Every time I go to Japan now, I have to watch out for Yakuza. They want revenge. That's why I am skeptical of facing a Japanese guy,” Bobby said.
“There is no way that any of that is true...” Dan said.
“I know,” Bobby said with a laugh. “But you believed almost all of that shit. What a moron!”
“Fuck you, Bobby.” Dan said. “You can never take anything seriously.”
“Oh, I'll take this match seriously. “Mega Mushroom, I'm coming for you!”
“It's Mugen Mushaboom...” Dan said.
“Whatever, I'm coming for his Jap ass!” Bobby said. “Blurry dicks be damned!”
“You're such a fucking idiot, Bobby.”
