Post by the Unsound Sky on Dec 18, 2015 3:58:48 GMT -6
Ain't You Getting Bored With These Fake-Ass Bruhs?
As the crowd impatiently await the next match, Chipmunk and Chris Brown's 'Champion' hits the PA system, once again drawing instant heat from the Alabama crowd.
Axel Reid: Seriously – how many times are we going to see this guy today?
Ruby Parvati: Well, he didn't get the chance to say what he wanted to say earlier, Axel, so it's only fair...
Axel Reid: Fair to him, but unfair to the fans – one dose of Xcellent a night is MORE than enough!
Ruby Parvati: I see what you did there. Verrrry funny.
As the two announcers banter, Ryder – shaking the boos off like a pro, as per usual – has taken to the ring, having been helped in by his imposing security duo. Once there, he wastes no time asking the bigger of the two guards to retrieve a microphone, which said guard threatens out of a ringside assistant's hand and tosses to his charge inside the ring. Ryder gives him a thumbs-up and a smirk, but one-half of the announce team is not so pleased:
Axel Reid: Oh, so we bully crew members now, do we, Mr. Blade?
Ruby Parvati: Shut up, Axel, The X is trying to talk!
And talk The X does – as he is wont to do:
Ryder Blade: You all probably saw what happened earlier tonight, when The X was MONDO RUDELY interrupted by some haters when he was about to get his talk on!
Ruby Parvati, sympathetically: ...we saw, sweetie...we saw...
Ryder Blade: Well, The X is out here again to tell those people that you can knock The X down, but you CAN'T SHUT HIM UP!
Axel Reid: You got THAT right...
The boos from the crowd certainly seem like an attempt at doing just that, but Ryder powers right through them:
Ryder Blade: And THAT'S why...The X came out here AGAIN...to remind all of his Xcellentologists of what happened at Darkest Hour.
Axel Reid: Ugh! Is this necessary?!
Ruby Parvati: Yes, Axel...the show was in England, and it was a Pay-Per-View. Not everyone is up to par. It's a public service announcement.
Axel Reid: Oh, please!!
As the announcers banter, Ryder's pause for effect expires, and he continues:
Ryder Blade: At Darkest Hour, The X proved once again why he is THE GREATEST CHAMPION IN VOW HISTORY!!!
Ruby Parvati: ...and now officially so...
Ryder Blade: At Darkest Hour, The X became THE longest reigning VoW Champion OF ALL TIME, THE FIRST Xcel Champion to defend his title THREE TIMES...
Ruby Parvati: ...all true...
Ryder Blade: ...and....
The camera zooms in on a Ryder Smirk as the Champion concludes:
Ryder Blade: ...THE owner of the NEW RECORD TIME for a Championship defence, at six minutes and fourteen seconds!
Ruby Parvati: ...also true...
Axel Reid: That time is not official! The official time has not been released! Besides, Tyron..
Ruby Parvati: ...don't you think THE CHAMPION was probably given his time?! Especially if it's a RECORD time?! And Tyron doesn't count, and you know it!
Before Axel can reply either way, Ryder is back on offence:
Ryder Blade: Which means...
...pause for effect...
Ryder Blade: ...The X is now THE most record-breaking Champion in VoW HISTORY!!!
The crowd give these words a negative reaction, but Ruby points out:
Ruby Parvati: That is ALSO true, you haters! #KeepDrinking!
All the while, in the ring, Ryder once again powers through the boos as he continues:
Ryder Blade: And you know what?! All you MASTER HATERS better #KeepDrinking, 'cause the X-Belt isn't going anywhere! The X is gonna keep defending it, and breaking records, until he’s not only the best Champion in VoW, but the best Champion IN THE HISTORY OF PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING!!
Axel Reid: Riiiiight...and then he’ll win the lottery, and find the secret to immortality, and a cure for cancer...wait, he would not care enough to try and find THAT...
Ruby Parvati: You're such a Master Hater, Axel...
Axel Reid: ...language! It's a family show!
Ruby Parvati: I said 'Master Hater', Axel. There's nothing wrong with that. Get your mind off the gutter for once, gosh!
Before Axel has a chance to reply, Ryder pipes up again:
Ryder Blade: That's right – you better just put The X's name on this belt, 'cause there ain't nobody in VoW that can take it away from him. There's no one in VoW that can step up to the X-Champ! There's no one in VoW that can--
‘AIN’T YOU GETTIN’ BORED WITH THESE FAKE-ASS BROADS’
Before Ryder could finish his current train of thought, a ringing indictment of his speech plays out in the form of Blackstreet’s ‘No Diggity’; with the familiar beats and rhymes comes the casually-attired Constance Chapin in what is both a surprise to the crowd gathered and to the Mancunian herself. She stifles a yawn, playing it up for effect by running her palm over her parted lips while she finds her footing on the runway. Constance came prepared as, after she gets a bit of a scoffing chuckle towards The X, she holds up a microphone.
Constance Chapin: Believe me, no one is as surprised about this as I am but, you know, there comes a point in everyone’s life when they just...can’t keep quiet any longer. Trust me, keeping quiet is second nature to me but every so often you meet people that are so irritating that it takes every ounce of willpower to hold yourself back. Oh, but don’t get me wrong here, you, that is to say YOU, Ryder, don’t have that luxury. With you it’s a bit more simple. You’re just like so many of my closest friends...a fake.
Constance pauses a moment just to subtly curl the corners of her lips into something resembling a smirk before continuing.
Constance Chapin: Sure, sure, you have your championship and for that you want us to applaud you, to recognize you, to treat you like we’re a sorority girl at a frat party and feign interest long enough so you can feel validated by your poor life choices. You know, Ryder, that might be something worth striving for and something we’d be willing to do if...well...if you weren’t such a phony. A blind person could see through you without the aide of a dog. One need not look further than your name. Presumably you call yourself Ryder Blade and not ‘Blade with an ‘ayde’ because that would have just been TOO obvious. Because saying something is ‘mondo’ anything is about as on point as saying that your reign as a champion has been, like, totally tubular, dude.
As if to illustrate the point, Constance extends a pinky and thumb as if she was a Californian surfer. Meanwhile, in the ring, Ryder pats his belt and mouths that ‘it totally has’, further proving the Mancunian’s point.
Constance Chapin: But I get it, I do. People with so little to offer, in the sense of having very few actual accomplishments, often hang onto what they can in a fit of desperation. I have to wonder if that’s why you call yourself ‘The X’. What, was ‘Xcellent’ starting to be a bit of a mouthful? You know what? Doesn’t matter. I’m being petty which, in case you don’t know, means that my little digs at you aren’t the reason I’m here though I admit it feels good. I’m here because I wanted to keep you from saying something you’ll regret or to put it in terms from your time period...I’m keeping your ass from writing a check it cannot cash. You think that no-one in VoW has what it takes blah blah blah, and if it were almost anyone else I might say you’re on to something. But with you...it’s sad. It’s sad because you’ve convinced yourself that you’re better than you are, and it’s sad that it’s gotten to this point where your entire self revolves around what’s around your pants instead of the typical...that being what’s in them.
Constance Chapin: Point is, Ryder, you’re not as infallible as you believe yourself to be. Under normal circumstances I wouldn’t bother with this...but there’s only so much outdated lingo I can manage before I have to take action. Ryder, X, whatever you’re calling yourself in three days from now, I know the perfect no one to test your latest claims. She’s had a bit of a rocky start but considering her penchant for putting liars, fakes, and annoyances in their place...she firmly believes that the only thing mondo about this is how much of a mondo idiot you’ll look like once she does what should’ve been done ages ago. I’ve got a new trending topic for you to brew over...pound sign ‘The X Is The Ex-Champ’. Sound good...bro?
At first, Ryder can’t believe his ears. He looks from Constance to the crowd, then back to Constance...then to his henchmen at ringside (mouthing ‘did she really just say that?’) and then back at Constance - this time, trying very hard (and failing) not to laugh. After another moment, it all comes out, just like it did when Patrick Jones issued a similar challenge. So uncontrollable are the sobs of laughter that The X is forced to step out of the ring to try and get himself under control - a task in which he is aided by his henchmen. They jump into action as they lead him up the ramp - still in genuine tears of laughter - and past Constance, who deigns them with nothing more than a roll of the eyes. Then, just like with Patrick Jones, it is up to Axel Reid to interpret the situation:
Axel Reid: ...well...I guess that means yes…
Ruby, however, is incredulous:
Ruby Parvati: HER?! SHE wants to be X-Champion? More like EX-Champion! As in ‘no longer one, and not about to be one again!’
Axel Reid: Be that as it may...it seems at some point, we are having Constance Chapin versus Ryder Blade for the Xcel Championship! Could it be at Double Jeopardy? Maybe sooner? We will have to wait and see! For now, the action continues, here in Birmingham, Alabama!
