Faith Or Failure

Just a few more seconds.

That has been the through racing through my mind these past few weeks. Just a few more seconds and perhaps I could have broken up the pin for my team against the so-called Team Xcellent. Perhaps that would have been the turning point of the match, with the outcome resulting in our victory as it should have been.

Could have.

Would have.

Should have.

Yet, that is not what transpired. We lost and I felt the burden of that loss more so than either Stacy or Katie felt it. Whereas they both simply appeared to shrug off our loss the heavy weight of defeat has been a familiar one to me as of late, a weight that I have had quite a bit of difficulty with in terms of its removal. It had been weeks since I had earned a victory over an opponent in the ring. Many would claim that many of those matches were closely contested, but that was not what I heard in their words.

Too small. Too weak. Too slow.

All of them continued to lead me to one single conclusion, one that no doubt my dreadful step-mother would agree with, that I was simply not good enough.

A request had been made by Paxar on my behalf to those in charge of the Saint Joseph Oratory allowing me to have the basilica all to myself for a short period of time. Graciously they granted the request, perhaps due in large part to my notoriety throughout the world as a competitor with great faith in the Lord. It is my intention for someone to meet me here, though that information was unbeknownst to Paxar when I asked her to make the request, someone that I had not been face to face with in quite some time...

“She is late,” I say to myself, frowning slightly after a quick glance at the time on my cell phone. “Though I suppose I should not be surprised. It would almost be unlike her to be punctual.”

Taking a few steps down the aisle, I stop at one of the pews just as I hear one of the doors to the basilica open. As I turn around I am greeted by the view of a young, pale skinned brunette woman dressed in a long, black dress with matching heels stepping through the door and shutting it behind her.

Sophie Blanc.

“Bonjour, mon cherie,” she speaks as our eyes meet each other, saying hello to me in her familiar French accent. “I have missed you terribly.”

“As I have missed you, Sophie,” I reply to my friend, a small smile forming across my face. “It is most certainly agreeable to see you again.”

“Of course,” Sophie agrees with a nod as she steps closer to me. “Especially under better circumstances.”

Politely I motion towards the pew next to me for both her and I to sit and converse with one another and within moments the two of us each take a seat upon it sitting side by side. “You are looking well, my friend,” I tell her kindly. “Much better than last I saw you, though I must say I was surprised to hear from you. What brings you to Montreal?”

Sophie looks at me for a moment, her eyes narrowing just slightly, before she speaks. “My parents. They are looking to expand their winery operations into Canada so they asked me to come here and speak with some potential investors. When I heard that your wrestling company was to be in the area for an event I thought that it would be the perfect opportunity for the two of us to reconnect. I must say though I was expecting to meet in a coffee shop or something, not alone inside of the largest church in all of Canada.”

“I...was able to pull a few strings,” I say to her softly. “After you contacted me, I decided that this was a place that I thought that you should see. Besides, after what I put you through in Liberia…”

“You did not put me through anything, Reya,” Sophie interrupts. “What we went through there we went through together. Treating the patients that had Ebola, burning the infected corpses, taking a tour through Monrovia’s most impoverished area…”

“You are forgetting the part where we were held at gunpoint by a madman,” I remind her. “It is by the grace of God that both of us are even here now to be able to talk about it.”

“That and my putting a bullet through that bastard’s…”

“Please, Sophie” I plead with her. “Try not to use profane language. This is a house of the Lord, after all.”

“Through his chest,” Sophie says, picking up where she had left off. “I killed a man Reya, which while it saved both of our lives I’m pretty sure it broke one of those precious commandments that you claim to cherish.”

“The commandment does not say that thou shalt not kill,” I inform her. “It says that thou shalt not murder. What you did to that man you did in self-defense. I understand and accept that.”

“If that was the case, then why have we not spoken since it happened?” Sophie questions me. “Why did you get on the first plane out of the country and head back to the United States, back to your old life? Why did I have to spend months before now and several thousand dollars of my parent’s money on travelling here trying to track you down?”

Letting out a deep sigh, I shake my head in dismay. “When it first happened, I was just as much in shock as you were. I...I wanted to get the image out of my mind, that man lying dead on the ground in his own blood. The only way I thought I could do that was to leave, to put what happened there behind me, and so that is exactly what I did. I regret that in doing so I kept myself away from you as well. As my friend that was something you did not deserve and for that I apologize.”

Sophie sits next to me for a moment, taking in what I had said before responding. “I thought that you thought I was a bloody murderer,” she says as a few tears fall slowly from her eyes. “That you turned your back on me because you thought less of me and wanted nothing to do with me...”

“You are, and shall always be, my friend,” I declare to her, putting a hand upon her bare shoulder. “It is my hope that I am and shall always be yours.”

“Always,” Sophie replies with a little smile through her tears. We embrace in a hug for a few moments before she pulls back, attempting to compose herself. “So, you’ve gone back to wrestling?”

“Indeed,” I answer with a nod. “Though I must say that I have had about as much success since my return as I had before I left for Monrovia.”

“But from what I heard about the upcoming event I was told about you’re in a championship match,” Sophie says, raising an eyebrow at me in confusion.

“A championship match that many, including the champion himself no doubt, would say I did not deserve to be given,” I state bluntly. “Considering my lackluster performances in the ring the past several weeks I am inclined to agree with them.”

“You sound as if you have already lost,” Sophie tells me, shaking her head at me.

“Perhaps I have,” I tell her seriously. “Perhaps I am as they say I am...an old competitor grasping at one more chance at glory when my time has already passed.”

“HEY,” Sophie shouts at me, the sound echoing through the basilica as she grabs my shoulders to gain my full attention. “You were given this match because someone believes that you earned it and they have faith that you will step in that ring and come out the champion. Your family and friends...they have faith in you and believe that you will be the champion. Your fans have faith in you and believe you will be the champion. But that’s not going to happen if you get into that ring and your head’s not on straight. YOU need to have faith in yourself. YOU need to believe that you will become champion. If you don’t, then you should not even bother stepping into the ring at all.”

Suddenly, Sophie gets to her feet. “I’ll let you think about that for a little bit. I’ll be outside when you’re done. Perhaps then we can maybe go somewhere for some coffee and catch up. There is a place I have wanted to try that sells delicious chocolate crepes…”

Politely I nod at her before she walks back up the aisle and exits the basilica, leaving me alone inside of it once more. I ponder to myself for a few moments before I stand up from the pew staring directly at the altar.

“These last several months have been difficult for me, Lord. I have been tested. I have encountered several trials. Through it all, my faith has never wavered. I have never been the smartest, nor the strongest, nor even the fastest despite the agile speed which I have been given. Yet still with my faith, both in You and in myself, I believed that I could defeat any obstacle which was put into my path.

The reality, however, has proven to be quite different. I have suffered defeat after defeat in the ring as of late. I am honestly not even sure what if anything I have done to even deserve an opportunity at the Xcel Championship against Ryder Blade who despite his adolescent personality has gone out each and every Breakthrough and proven himself to be a formidable competitor. I, on the other hand, am starting to appear in the eyes of others and perhaps myself as if my best days in the ring are far behind me. The aged veteran who just did not know when to hang up their wrestling boots.

I have lost my faith, Lord. I have lost my faith, something which I never thought would be possible. There was a time where I could have been put into a match against a half dozen others and I would firmly believe that with You looking over me that I would walk out of the arena victoriously.

Now? It has become difficult for me to believe I can do anything aside from failure. I have failed my fans, I have failed my friends, I have failed my family and its wrestling legacy, and most importantly I have failed you.

No more. When I step into the ring at Heatstroke against Ryder Blade, I will not fail. I cannot fail. I will become the Xcel Champion. My faith will be restored just as the health of many that have entered this basilica was restored. I will redeem myself both in Your eyes as wells the eyes of those that cheer for me on a weekly basis. I will do this not only for them, but for myself.

I will win the Xcel Championship and end the so-called Xcellent reign of Ryder Blade.

And if I do not? I will walk out of the arena defeated once more, and perhaps it may be in my best interest for us to part as well.”