Getting Wilde...

Failure is easy. I fail all the time. I trip over my own feet. I choke on air. Every time I spill something it lands on my chest. That kind of stuff, and more. I mean, I've lost at almost everything... video games, sports, cards, and so on. I've lost matches... I've lost friends... I've lost family. I'd say those last two definitely count as failure. And it's easy. Call them names... hit 'em with some verbal low-blows. Tell them you don't need them. You know... lie. It's not that hard, to lose everything... to feel things slipping from your grasp...

It's harder to succeed...

Because with failure, you can just give up, and that counts. You can walk away, and that means you've failed. If you're playin' Mario Kart and someone's beating you, and you get up and leave the room via RAGE QUITTING... that means it was a failure. You didn't win. You lost. You didn't succeed. You failed. I know it's gettin' repetitive but... it's true, right? It's so darn simple to just walk off a cliff, instead of using the tightrope leading to the other side. Sure it's hard... sure it's a risk... but you'll reach the place you wanna. And succeed.

Getting where I'm coming from yet?

My point is... I've gained, I've lost... I've regained... I've lost again. I've had a lot of success, in my career... in my life; financially, mentally, and all that jazz. I used to wanna die. I almost did, in front of millions. But I tore away from that... because it ain't very classy to kill yerself. And I'm classy as SHIT. So. I guess that was a success. But there's something that hasn't been... something that does affect EVERYTHING. Just everything you do and all these little parts of your life; that being, relationships. Friends, Family, Fuck Buddies... doesn't matter.

They're all important.

Who's my friend? Matt? I barely speak to him... my manager speaks to him more! Rayne? I don't even have her number anymore. Jarek? Is that really friendship... or perverted fascination? I don't even know anymore. Then you move to family. One sister hates me, the other I just... don't see. And finally... my adoptive brother, Seth Iser. He taught me so much. I know about his past... I know who he used to be. I know who he is now and what he's doing now. And I still care about him. But... when was the last time I even talked to him? And now? I'll be standing in the ring with him, facing him...

Was it frightening? I know I'm not very good at what I do. I mean, I'm good... but not fantastic. Not the best. Far from it. Seth... he's up there. At the top. With all the others. And I'm watching these people, as I change everything around me. My opinions, my style, my personality... anything to help me figure out who I am, and to help me succeed. To stop failing. But nothing works. I keep hitting this wall and I'm chippin' way too many teeth. I've broken my nose way too many times. I've been metaphorically injured so many times that I wanted to back off. I still do, a little bit...

But that would be me giving up...

Maybe I'm stubborn... maybe I'm haha... insane. But I'm sick of this, and people are startin' to see it. I'm sure Mr Iser sees it. I haven't been myself in a long time. And honestly? No one can help me. I'm alone in this, and I need to figure it out. I need to set my priorities... I need to rack my brain and figure out what the heck I want. Because pretending that I'm having fun... pretending that I actually believe that VoW will be my 'fresh start'... is just absolutely ridiculous.

So what will I do? Will I keep trying new things? Will I keep pushing for things I'm not 100% sure I want? Will I keep pushing every damn person away, because I like to pretend that I'm an independent Norwegian woman who don't need no friends? Or maybe I can take this new route. Maybe I can kick up the kickstand of my motorcycle, hop on with my hair all messy and eyes all crazy... and run myself right into the nearest wall. Jump off beforehand, of course. Just to feel that rush again. Cause trouble, have old people yell at me about being on their lawn, steal candy from babies, steal some kids tricycle... set things on fire, smash bottles over the heads of fans, et cetera. And maybe, just maybe, I could just...

...go a little wild...

♫ How long until it starts to do me in? I can’t give out what I’m not breathing in. I know they'll come with what I'm owed, guilty as charged. My enemies belittle me reminding me the penalty of all my deeds despite my pleas is death! ♫

Icon for Hire blasted in my ears, as I pretended to listen to safety instructions for the "ride" I was about to take. More specifically... an ATV. Considering I'd already trained (somewhat) for my match against Iser, and considering Minnesota had like... not a single flippin' thing to do in it... I finally found a place for ridin' some All Terrain Vehicles. Some form of entertainment before I had to get serious. But, of course, Dawn would've chewed my head off if she knew I was doing this instead of training more... so... I didn't tell her. Instead, I went alone... I needed some time to clear my head, anyway...

When we were finally given our ATVs, I pulled my earbuds outta my ears and shoved em in my pockets. It was time to have some fun. There was a trail we were supposed to follow, and... though I usually liked to go my own way... I kept in line with others. At least, I'd follow while I was still lost in thought. The ATV was bumpy, uneven, and I... for some reason... didn't feel safe. Somehow, it made me think of Seth. He was about as uneven as they come. His thoughts, his mindset. His style in the ring, though more old school, still altered slightly depending on who he was against...

The man was, simply put, a legend.

And I was a peon, in comparison. Maybe he didn't think so. Maybe others don't. But I know. That's why... it's gonna be hard. Just a couple days before, I'd kicked a fan in the shin... and they asked for me to sigh their bruise. How the heck am I gonna get these loony fuckas to hate me when everything I do... they love? And against Iser?! THE Seth Iser? One of the most hated men in wrestling? My plan for causing some mayhem and getting the fans off my side... was being foiled by my adoptive brother...

But it wasn't really his fault. I mean, it is his fault that the fans hate him... cuz he's an asshole. But on the same token, he couldn't control that they loved me. And he couldn't control that they all wanted to see him fall at my feet and kiss them as he begged for mercy. That's just kinda how they all wanted the cookie to crumble. Blind lil followers who ain't gotta mind of their own... no matter what I did, Seth Iser would be the one to win. Win their hate. Win the match. And still leave knowing that I do and always will give a damn about him. My failure, his success...

It was unfair...

♫ Only pretty on the outside... full of nails on the inside... I guess lust is blind... ♫

As I was following the path, I heard the sound of my phone's ringtone for a certain Irish biatch. With a dramatic sigh, I parked my ATV for a moment and sat there, staring at my ringing cell. After a few more rings, I grimaced and answered... "Yellow?"

"Where in the world are you, Vanessa?"

"Hi to you too..."

"Answer my question."

"I'm ATVing... like a baws!"

"Excuse me?!" I tensed up, knowing exactly where this was going.

"What?"

"You have a match. Against Seth fecking Iser."

"Yeah, so?"

"So you need to get back to training. More than one day a week, too. This whole... going out and doing whatever you feel like... is not going to fly." Her tone was rather annoyed, and I snapped back with my own aggravated one...

"Do you not realize that I'm an adult and can make my own decisions?"

"Do you not realize that I keep attempting to push you further and you keep acting on your own accord? Do you not realize how that makes me look as your manager?"

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say you only care about what people think of you, and not about me at all..."

"Oh? Well.... you're wrong, simple as." I didn't like that pause, and I clenched my jaw and continued slowly...

"Yeah well, there ain't anything wrong with wanting to enjoy my life... so eff off."

"You know what? Fine. Do not come crying to me when you lose yet another match..." And she hung up. I felt anger bubble up inside of me, as I slowly lowered my phone and sat there a moment...

She knew better, right? She knew what was best for me. Because I didn't know who I was... I was unsure of what I wanted... she was the one who'd hold my hand and lead me wherever she wanted. That's how friends work, right? They use you for their own gain, right??? I was blinded by fury, just imagining the smug, cold look she had on her face when she'd tell me that I was a fuck-up. That I needed to "fix myself". In my mind, I could hear her voice...

"How old are you?"

"Fuck you..."

"You need to grow up."

"Fuck you!"

"It's just pathetic."

"FUCK... YOU!" I suddenly screamed aloud, before revving the engine of the ATV and flying forward in it. I drove straight through the trail, bumps causing me to occasionally go airborne. But I didn't care. I was sick of hearing this stuff from her. I was sick of people making me feel less than what I am, because I had a different way of living. But, though I was mad... I couldn't hurt her. I couldn't take it out, at least physically, on her. And so... it was time to go back to my roots... and crash this frickin' thang...

WHAM!

I didn't see the other ATV heading up behind me. I didn't expect to get tackled off of the vehicle. And I sure as heck didn't expect to land on my back, with someone on top of me, as I watched the other person's ATV fly right over us, only just missing their head. Eyes wide with bewilderment, I listened to the crash of the vehicles, before squirming out from under this person and scooting away. There was a moment of silence, before I silently pushed myself to my feet, grimacing mostly from soreness. Rather than talking to the person still sitting on the ground, I pulled out my phone and dialed Dawn's number...

Get it over with...

"Hello?"

"You're fucking fired." I whispered, electric blue eyes darkening with each breath. I didn't wait for a response as I chucked my cell against a nearby tree and screamed out in frustration, before grabbing my hair and tightening my fist in it. Trying to cool off, I tensed when I heard a voice. Glancing back, I saw a rather attractive, tall and thin guy brushing off a fedora as he stared downward. I respected that he didn't ask what that all was about. He put the hat on his head, messy black hair going in all directions as he lifted his chin only slightly to look over at me.

"You alright?"

"Uh... yeah... why did you...?"

"You were gonna crash. So I thought your life was probably more important than the ATV, ya know?"

"Uh... I guess?" I finally let go of my hair, realizing I probably looked insane. I mean, I was... but he didn't know that. "Thanks. I think?"

"Huh..." He eyes raked up and down my body once, before a slight smirk crossed his lips. "You're that wrestler... from Ne-"

"VoW... that's where I am now." I interrupted, a bitter feeling inside of me. The guy blinked, then shrugged and lowered the rim of his fedora. He turned on his heel and lifted a hand in farewell, obviously taking my curt tone as a 'fuck off'.

"Well, good luck in that. Later."

As he began a casual saunter away, I stared blankly at his back, then took a step forward. "Hey... wait! What's your name? You know, so I can tell people who tackled me and saved me and uh, stuff..."

Pausing, his walk slowing ever so slightly, the guy lightly chuckled, then turned his head back toward me and responded in a rather sultry voice, before heading off again...

"Andy. Andy Wilde."

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~This has been a V rp, thanx for reading and have a great f*cking day!~