Post by Deleted on Sept 24, 2015 11:43:04 GMT -6
I need to focus on my match at Armed & Dangerous against Ryder Blade, I need to make sure that my mind is one hundred percent focused on taking the Xcel Championship away from that bastard’s hands. But with everything that’s going on right now, I don’t even know if I can do it. My relationship with Katie is on the rocks, my friendship with Tyler and Zelda both feel like they’re on the rocks as well, and it’s all because of me! And now my best friend, Zelda is in the hospital because I wasn’t able to stop that crazy bitch, Scarlet Flint from severely injuring her on Breakthrough. I need to be there for my friend, I need to get my life sorted out, but I also need to focus on taking the Xcel title away from Blade, and I don’t know if I can manage one of those things never mind all three of them.
I suddenly wake up from my slumber to a not very welcomed pain in my head, I instantly grab hold of my head as I look up at Zelda, lying in her hospital bed. Dressed in a pair of black leather boots, a pair of black leather skin tight trousers, a black Nightwish Imaginearum T-shirt and a black leather jacket, I look at the clock on the plain white wall and realize that I must have fallen asleep by Zelda’s bedside and remained there all night. Shaking the pain away from my head, I figured it was probably the delayed pain from being knocked out on Breakthrough by Flint.
“I’m so sorry Zelda...”
I place my hand on top of hers and stroke it as I stare at her angelic yet weak looking face, the repeated beeping noise of the heart monitor hooked up to her rings through my ears and it makes me feel like I’m back watching over Tayla when she was hospitalized by Brett Carson. Suddenly, another shot of pain goes through my head, once again causing me to clutch my head as I scream in agony, that’s when I realize that this isn’t the pain from being knocked out, another painful memory is trying to come out, and I need to suppress it.
“This can’t be happening! Not now!”
I get to my feet and scan the room before heading over to a small set of drawers, I open the top one and find a roll of bandages so I grab them and make my way over to the en suite bathroom. I enter the room, closing the door behind me and locking it before taking the razor blade out from my trouser pocket. I take a seat on the toilet and with one swift movement, I slice across my right wrist.
“Fuck that hurt!”
After watching the blood ooze from my wrist for a few moments, I then quickly wrap the bandages around it and apply some pressure on it for a few minutes as I feel the pain in my head slowly decrease. I let out an elongated sigh before I stand to my feet, flushing the toilet to cover my tracks, just in case Zelda’s woken up as I then unlock the door and leave the room. As soon as I exit the bathroom, the door of Zelda’s room opens and in walks Tyler, dressed in a pair of black formal shoes, a pair of dark blue denim jeans, a smart buttoned up plain black shirt and a light brown leather jacket. As soon as I see him, I rush towards him and wrap my arms around him, burying my head into his shoulder and begin to sob.
“I’m so sorry Tyler...this is all my fault...I should have done more to save her...”
He looks over at his wife, a very solemn look on his face, as he hugs on to me.
"None of this is your fault Stacy...look...I am still feeling a lot of things from all of this, and frankly seeing her laying in that bed makes me feel sick because that she shouldn't have been made a part of this between me and Scarlet. But you have zero reason to blame yourself. You were blindsided, you had zero chance to even know you needed to protect Zelda, because Scarlet knocked you out before she attacked my wife."
I break away from him and look into his eyes, as much as I want to believe that it wasn’t my fault, I still can’t help but continue to blame myself. I flash him a small fake smile before looking over to Zelda myself, not realizing that the blood coming from my wrist is starting to seep through the bandages.
“I haven’t heard anything from the doctors on how she is...but from what I can tell, I think she’s stable...”
"I'm sure she will be fine...being so used to hospital rooms myself I know doctors can be very helpful."
Tyler looks down and notices the blood seeping from the bandage on my wrist.
"And...is everything okay with you? You certainly are a bit bruised up yourself from Scarlet, plus I'm sure your head is in a bit of pain from her smashing it against the door. But...was your wrist like that back at the arena?"
I look down at my wrist and notice the blood stained bandage, shit! What can I say? How can I cover this up? Why did I rush wrapping this damn thing up, this isn’t good, Tyler has no idea what’s going on with me right now, Zelda’s the only one who has an idea.
“I...I-uh...um...”
Before I can utter out the rest of my response, the sound of sheets rustling catches Tyler and I off guard as we both look over to Zelda. Zelda leans up, looking very out of it and drowsy, before looking straight at my wrist.
"You didn't cut yourself because of me did you?"
Tyler looks confused as he turns back to me.
"Cut yourself? What is she talking about Stace?"
“I...”
Suddenly I fall to my knees and begin to cry uncontrollably.
“I can’t do this anymore! I hate myself for putting you guys through this but I don’t know what the fuck to do!”
I repeatedly slap and punch myself in the face and head, not wanting to do anything but just curl up into a ball and be on my own. Tyler looks down in a bit of shock at me, not knowing if he should stop this self attack I’m doing to myself. Before he can come to a decision, Zelda has managed to unhook from everything at her bed and slowly made her way over to me. She gingerly sits on the ground in front of me, then grabs on to my hands before I can continue hurting myself.
"You aren't alone...I'm not going to allow you to be alone."
Zelda lays my arms to the ground, then with a wince of pain wraps me in a hug and begins crying softly.
“What have I done to deserve all of this pain and suffering Zelda? What the fuck have I done that is so bad! I don’t know what’s causing all of this...I’m so scared...I want to be alone but at the same time, I don’t. I want to cut myself to make me feel better, but at the same time I don’t! I’m so scared...”
"You have done nothing to deserve any of this, and I wish I could explain why life is giving you this hand...I wish I could personally take away your pain and your fear...but I am not gonna let you give up. I am going to try my best to help you fight through this...it's the least I can do for keeping me away from fear after what happened tonight."
Tyler gets down on one knee and lays his hand on my shoulder.
"And you know I am here for you too...you may not believe it but if it weren't for your quick thinking to get help after you came too from being knocked out, who knows if Zelda would even be here...you are family to us Stacy. We are not going to let this hurt consume you more than it has, not after everything you have done for us."
I want to let them help me, I need to let them help me, before something happens that I can’t come back from. I wipe away the tears from my eyes and slowly stand back up to my feet, as do both Tyler and Zelda. I open my mouth to respond but then suddenly a thought pops into my mind and all that thought is, is to get the Hell out of there.
“I’m...so sorry...”
I slowly push past Tyler and run to the door, opening it and then disappearing out of the room, making my way out of the hospital as quick as I can. I hope that Tyler isn’t trying to catch up with me, I don’t want to be around anyone right now, or do I? I don’t fucking know! Why am I having so many of these conflicting thoughts all the fucking time? I quickly barge out of the front door to the hospital and swiftly make my way down the street, back to the hotel I’m staying at...
...a few days later...
Clutching onto Katie’s proper birthday present, my mint in box copy of the first Sonic the Hedgehog Sega Megadrive game, signed by Yuji Naka, the video game designer who was the former head of the Sonic Team, where he was the lead programmer of the original Sonic the Hedgehog series. I make my way down the corridor towards Katie’s hotel room, I really need to apologize to her for what I put her through on her birthday, and hopefully this gift will help matters. I can’t stop thinking about her, I want to spend every waking moment with her, but with what I’ve been going through recently, I feel like I’m pushing her away, and that’s the last thing I want to do. I reach the room and knock three times on the door and after a few moments, the door opens and standing there in a pair of black skin tight denim jeans and a blue Sonic T-shirt is Katie.
“Hi Stace...”
“Hi Katie, this is for you, you’re actual birthday present...”
I pass her the wrapped present and her face lights up as she takes hold of it.
“Oh, thank you! Come on in...”
“Thanks...”
I begin to make my way into the room, passing Katie.
“I just really need to talk to you about...”
I stop talking when I suddenly notice both Tyler and Zelda standing there, I didn’t even know Zelda was cleared to leave the hospital. Seeing both of them here reminds me of that moment at the hospital and I instantly feel a mixture of emotions, guilt, pain, anger, sadness, all mixed together in one.
“Ty...Zel...what are...what are you two doing here?”
Zelda stands up very slowly, obviously still in a good bit of pain, as she walks up to me.
"Tyler and I heard about you coming to see Katie today, so we decided to come over and check on you...well both of you really, I know from our discussion at Breakthrough things between you and Katie have been a bit shaky recently."
Tyler nods as he continues from where his wife left off.
"And after what happened the other night, Zel and I just want to know that you are okay. After all, like I told you, you are family to us. And because of how close Katie is with you, she is basically family as well. Which actually also leads us to something else we wanted to discuss with both of you, aside from checking to make sure you have been feeling better Stace."
I turn to Katie, feeling rather uncomfortable as I was expecting to just enjoy an evening alone with her.
“I...don’t understand...I thought we were going to spend the evening together...just the two of us?”
“Stace...this is more important...the three of us have been talking and we’ve decided that you need an intervention...”
“An...intervention?”
I turn my attention back to Tyler and Zelda.
“An intervention for what?”
Zelda looks over to Tyler, and he again nods. Zelda turns back to me and takes a deep breath.
"An intervention for your...situation you have been putting yourself through, which has resulted in your scars that I'm sure each have their own hard story."
"Zelda and I care about you a lot Stacy, and we both want you to get through these problems in better ways, not through self harm. As I've been put through recently, self harm of your body only leads to loss in the end, I should know because self harm was what preceded my father's drug addiction that led to his overdose suicide..."
"And my sister's self harm and emotional issues led to her being abandoned by our whole family other than myself, which she has came really close to losing me as well. To know what that pain truly is that causes someone to pick up a blade for the first time, I don't know that and neither does my husband, and I'm sure Katie doesn't know either. We don't know the true pain you go through, what your mind torments you with, but Stacy we do know how it feels to lose a loved one to that very thing and the emotional trauma it puts on all those that are around you that, believe it or not, would do anything for you even if it hindered their own life financially, mentally, or physically. We all love you Stacy, and we just don't want to lose you."
I’m not sure how to respond to all of this, I never expected any of it. Katie then walks over to me and takes hold of my hand and looks into my eyes, a genuine look of concern on her face.
“Stace, I may not have gone through the same experiences as Ty and Zel have, but I hate seeing you like this. I know you feel really guilty about what you did on my birthday, and yes, I was upset over it...but I knew that wasn’t the Stacy that I fell for, I know that this isn’t the Stacy that I fell for. Whatever conflicting thoughts you may be having inside your head about whether you should let us in to help you, pay attention to the thoughts that are telling you to let us help...please, we don’t want to lose you...I don’t want to lose you...”
She tries her best to hold back her tears but she can’t and she bursts out crying. Tyler comforts her as I look over to Zelda who is also beginning to tear up as I feel tears beginning to trickle down my cheeks. I slowly sit down on the couch, as do Tyler, Zelda and Katie.
“I...I hate to say this in front of Katie...but...I believe the reason why I’ve started to have this mental...this mental breakdown...is because I haven’t let go of my previous relationships. I think I’m still in love with both Tayla...and Matt...”
All three of them listen intently as I continue to open up to them finally.
“I miss my kids...and with all of that added on top of my failures inside the ring...losing the Xcel title...failing to capture the World title...letting all of my fans down. All of that combined...it just sent me on this downward spiral...painful memories from my past came back to haunt me, from back when I self-harmed before...when I thought I was useless and that nobody would ever love or accept me...”
I wipe away the tears pouring down my cheeks, messing up my mascara.
“I was strong to begin with...at first I refused to let the memories get the better of me...but they got stronger and stronger...and I got weaker and weaker. And so...I started cutting myself again...I just wanted to suppress those painful memories...I didn’t want to re-live them anymore!”
I bury my head into my folded arms and begin to sob uncontrollably as Tyler lays a hand against my back.
"Stacy, let me go ahead and talk to you as a fellow wrestler for a second. It might be hard to believe, but I was in a very similar pair of shoes as you about two years ago. I was on top of the world as both the World and Transcontinental Champion of ICW, I felt like one of the best for once in my career, and then in one night both of those titles were torn away from me and I watched my career go down a hard tunnel. I went from World Champion to losing it and falling down the rankings more and more with every loss, feeling so worthless as injuries and emotional issues stemming from my ex-wife and first child's death weighing on me constantly."
He takes a second to breath upon mentioning his past, then continues.
"But no matter how many failures I had in that ring in the two years before I came to VoW, I actually realized that somehow the fans still supported me. I can hear those fans Stacy, they are so amazing and I hear them back you every night just as much as they did when you were the Xcel Champion. I hear the same cheers from my supporting fans when I won my Quest for the Case and I4NI Championship that I did when I lost twenty matches in a row. They support you through thick and thin, and unless you completely turn your back on them they never feel let down. The things you do for this industry, the LGBTQ community, and everything in between, it's so amazing Stacy."
"Tyler is right, Stace. When I heard how passionate you were on that stage at the Pride Center for your speech at that event there, I was so proud of you and was telling myself I wished I was half the woman you were to have such an impact on people. If you could really see how many people look up to you Stacy, you would take back any words of negativity you put onto yourself."
I lift my head up and look to both Zelda and Tyler, a small smile grows on my face until I look over to Katie who seems to be rather quiet. Like I expected, she probably didn’t want to hear about me feeling like I’m still in love with the two people I had previous relationships with.
“I wish I could feel that way guys, but I just...can’t. The Stacy Jones that those fans see week in week out, even the Stacy Jones that the members of the LGBTQ community see...she’s the hashtag no fear no negativity Stacy Jones. The real Stacy Jones fears so much right now...the real Stacy Jones...is fully of negativity. And I don’t know how long I can continue like this...I’m starting to have these thoughts that the wrestling world will be better off without me...Hell, I’m even having thoughts that the world itself...will be better off without me...”
Zelda looks over to Katie, then back to me.
"Do you really think Katie is going to be better off without you? After everything she went through with you while everything Tayla ended up the way it did? Yes I know that look she has on her face right now tells a very strange story right now, but you shouldn't feel down about having care for ones you used to be with, nor should Katie. I mean how do you think I feel every time I see Tyler get that look on his face about his ex-wife? It sucks, it really does, but showing love for those people even when they aren't around in that way anymore shows you are human."
Tyler smiles as he kisses Zelda on the cheek.
"And speaking of us, do you think Tyler and I would be better without you? After you saved my life and helped make sure I was safe and Tyler had someone he could trust to make sure I was okay? Stacy, the world would be a darker place without you...the world would feel so empty without such an amazing girl like yourself. The wrestling world needs Stacy Jones, the real world needs Stacy Jones, and every single one of us in this room needs Stacy Jones...all four of us do."
Four of us? What does she mean by that? I look at Zelda, displaying nothing but complete confusion.
“Four of us?”
Zelda slightly grins as she looks at Tyler, who again nods to his wife.
"Well, four of us in a sense. You see, a day or two before this past Breakthrough, Zelda and I were actually called back to our doctor's office with what he said was good news. And that good news was much more, it was great...because Zelda found out she was finally pregnant."
Zelda looks back to me.
"I was so excited, I finally have my little one inside me, and I was planning on telling you at the event, but sadly certain things happened to me that prevented that. And those events probably almost made me also lose my baby, but as the doctor told Tyler and I once you left us the other night, because of how quickly you managed to get me help, you very well saved our child."
Zelda keeps smiling as a few tears roll down her face.
"And...I really almost lost it with the thought of losing my little one. I thought everything Tyler and I worked for was ruined, but you saved our dream. And as a thank you for that, and a thank you for being the best friend I could ever ask for through all the good times and bad, and this extension goes to anyone you are with in the future, Tyler and I would like you to be a godmother for our child."
"We couldn't think of anyone better as a godmother besides Katie, which I honestly want Katie to be a godmother for our child as well, and we know with how much of a positive influence you are to so many people, even if that positivity doesn't always live inside yourself, we want you to make sure our child lives as someone who sees all races, sexes, and orientations as the same no matter what."
I sit in silence for a moment, I glance over to Katie who also seems rather taken back by the news as well. This is all too overwhelming for me, with what I’m going through right now. I’m starting to feel claustrophobic, I need to get out of here so I quickly stand to my feet and make a beeline for the front door.
“Sorry guys, I need a cigarette...I’ll be back in a few minutes...”
I open the door and leave the room, closing the door behind me as I quickly rush down the corridor and make my way out of the hotel room. I need to clear my head, I need to be able to breathe. As appreciative I am of what Zelda and Tyler offered me, I don’t understand why they would want someone like me to be their child’s godmother, I’m a fucking mess! I’m an unstable, useless nobody who certainly will not do a good job as a godmother, I don’t know if I can accept such a responsibility...
...three days later...
I’m sitting dressed in my wrestling gear, cross-legged, looking down at the canvas in the middle of the ring here at the Fort Williams Gardens in Thunder Bay, Ontario, Canada. The arena is completely empty as my long black raven hair conceals my face. Suddenly the titantron comes to life as it shows a clip from Breakthrough edition twenty-seven which would take place at the Spiro Sports Center in Staten Island, New York.
“With the referee still delivering the title to the time keeper, Steve Herring wraps a chair around the small head of Stacy Jones laying her out cold. Herring nods at Blade before sliding out of the ring and into the crowd who is booing loudly tossing garbage at him as he walks by. The referee slides back into the ring looking at the carnage. Blade covers Jones sarcastically wiping sweat from his forehead.
Axel Reid: Stacy Jones doesn't deserve to lose the belt this way! Steve Herring just blasted her with a chair! What the Hell is happening in VoW? Does Stacy Jones have a target painted on her back?
Ruby Parvati: Please! Ryder has been besting her all night...
1...
2...
3!!!!!!!!!!
KICKOUTTTT!!
DING! DING! DING!
Axel Reid: I don't believe it! The ref is calling for the bell! She kicked out too late...
Ruby Parvati: RYDER BLADE IS THE NEW XCEL CHAMPION!
Axel Reid: I can't believe Herring just cost Stacy Jones the Xcel Championship. What the Hell just happened?
Jerry Heisenberg: The winner of this match and NEW VoW Xcel Champion! “The Blade Meister” RYDERRRRR BLADEEEEEE!!!!!!!!”
The footage stops there and the screen goes to black and the camera cuts back to me as I slowly lift my head up, glaring into the camera.
“Breakthrough edition twenty-seven...was a dark day for me...it was a dark day for the VoW faithful...it was the day that Steve Herring screwed me out of retaining my Xcel title, thus allowing this paper champion known as Ryder Blade walk around with said title...”
Beginning to rock back and forth, I giggle a little, shaking my head.
“Ryder! Ever since you won that title...you’ve been making a mockery of it! Refusing to call it by it’s proper name! Acting like you’re the greatest fucking champion to have ever stepped into a VoW ring! And not only do you make a mockery of the very title you hold...you also went ahead and mocked the other singles champions here in this company...champions who have the right to call themselves champions because unlike you, they all scratched, clawed and climbed their way to the top...they won their respective championships fair and square! They are true champions in this business!”
I stroke my hands through my long black hair, clutching it and coming close to ripping it out as I feel my blood beginning to boil.
“You may have managed to remain at the top for this long Ryder...you may think you’re the greatest gift to VoW...and you may be on top of the world right now! I know what you’re thinking, you’re thinking that at Armed & Dangerous, you’re going to defeat me and then surpass my record of being the longest reigning Xcel Champion in history at one hundred and twenty six days! Well I’ve got news for you buddy...that aint gonna fucking happen! Not on my watch!”
Slowly cracking my neck from left to right, I take a deep breath in through my nose and slowly exhale through my mouth.
“You know Ryder...ninety-nine percent of the stuff you say is a load of bull shit...however I will say that you were right when you said that when I lost what you refer too as the “X”, I found that I couldn’t live without it and I needed it back! You’re right about that Ryder, but it’s just the same as every other competitor in this sport! Once you become a champion, you can’t help but want more titles, it’s just in your nature...it’s what you strive to achieve, you want to be the best!”
I smirk a little, slightly nodding my head as I stroke the tip of my tongue across the top row of my pearly white teeth.
“And that’s part of the reason why I made this match a Submissions match...not because I want to get kinky with you...I mean come on...why would I want to get kinky with you? I made this a Submissions match because I want to make sure that this match ends the way it should end, with a clean victory! And I know it’s not possible for you to do such a thing, so it looks as if at Armed & Dangerous, the VoW faithful are going to be given an Xcel Champion they can be proud of!”
Standing to my feet, I saunter over to the ropes and rest my arms on the top of them.
“Now Ryder, I know you want me gone from your life...you want me to disappear...to go away and leave you alone. You want me to leave you alone if you succeed in making me tap in our match. Considering this is my rightful rematch that I should have been granted a long time ago now, if I lose fair and square Ryder...then consider it done, I’ll leave you alone and move onto a new challenge...”
I begin to chuckle a little as I think about Blade’s promo.
“Problem is Ryder, that’s not going to happen! You think that just because you’ve had a couple of weeks training in the art of submission...that you’re now as you put it “Xcellently prepared...”
Scoffing at the very thought of how pathetic Blade is, I shake my head.
“I have been training in the art of submission ever since I began my wrestling career back in 2009! I have forced men twice your size to tap like a pathetic bitch! I have won numerous championships by forcing whoever was champion to tap out! Hell...I made Scott Knight tap out to capture my first ever Xcel title here in VoW!”
Remembering that monumental occasion brings a smile to my face, as I hope to do that once again at Armed & Dangerous.
“And as far as your little send off line goes...”
I toss my head back and laugh hysterically, remembering how pathetic his send off line actually was.
“You’re really that stupid? You say after you’re done with me, I’ll be fifty shades of gay? Dude...what fucking rock have you been living under since you debuted here? I’m a fucking lesbian! I’m already gay! I’m not attracted to you, even though you think I am...I don’t want to be with you, even though you think I want to be! The only thing I want from you...is the Xcel Championship! And at Armed & Dangerous...I’m gonna make you tap out like the little, pathetic, dumb bitch that you are and walk out of this very building as the brand new Xcel Champion! Once again...making...history...”
I then climb out of the ring and make my way up the ramp, once I reach the stage at the top, I stop and once again the titantron flickers to life and it simply displays the words.
“Your Final Penance is coming...”
I then turn my head back to the camera and blow a kiss towards it before disappearing through the curtain to the back.
I may not have been focused a few days ago with this match, but you can bet your ass I’m focused now. I can’t let my fans down anymore, I can’t allow the VoW faithful to continue suffering by having this...this...phony representing them as their Xcel Champion! It’s time to make a difference here in VoW, it’s time to put my name back on the map, it’s time for the Stacy Jones era once again. At Armed & Dangerous, just like I did at the first Armed & Dangerous Pay-Per-View event to win my first ever Xcel Championship, I’m going to do the same thing again...using the same method as I did last time. Before, I defeated Brett Carson, Scott Knight and Vanessa in the same match, three extremely talented wrestlers...this time I’m only against one man, one man who doesn’t possess even half of the talent that those three previously mentioned wrestlers do. I need this victory, I want this victory, for my fans, for my family and friends, and for myself.