Post by Josh Stewart on Jun 9, 2014 22:42:27 GMT -6
In case it wasn't obvious just yet, women made my World go round. They could be short, or tall. Thin as a wafer, or as thick as Moby's dick. Ugly as sin, or hot like the surface of the Sun. A kindred spirit, blessed with a nice personality or... a manipulative bitch without a heart. One who's sole purpose on this Earth is to cause men like me as much grief as humanly possible. Doesn't matter, my dude. None of that is even relevant to the big bad Jare Bear. As long as they're packing the pink taco, then they have my undivided attention. Still need an explanation for my recent actions?
Okay, wrap your head around this one. There's this chick who's into bondage and shit, right? She comes equipped with legs for days, which I'd like to part in several different ways. Lips that I constantly visualize wrapped around a certain... tube shaped organ. Eyes that are hypnotic, gorgeous brown locks that flow like water from a fresh mountain stream, 'assets' that would land her a job pretty much anywhere she damn well pleased. To make an already long story a wee bit shorter, she's a dime. But best of all? She plays hard to get. Following a swift kick to the baby maker, I found myself craving more. So what'd I do? Shit... I followed that fine piece of ace out to the ring.
After turning the swag on and inadvertently costing her 'pet' his match against PKA, I found myself in a pretty good spot. I mean, aside from the fact that this muscle bound maniac was chasing me into the backstage area, overwhelmed by rage. Foaming pouring from the mouth as his stress vein pulsated uncontrollably. What happened on the previous Breakthrough is what most would refer to as 'two birds, one stone.' Not only did I screw up Knight, but I also made it plain as day... that more than anything else, I wanted to fall asleep with my ding dong in his Mistress' yahoo.
And now we shift from one extreme to another. I'd be fighting a good friend of mine this week in Vanessa, or the Queen as she's known. Her and Lovecraft are as different as night and day, black and white, Pepsi and Dr. Pepper. Now despite that, my approach will be somewhat similar. There are two things I take more seriously than anything else. The cooch AND the competition. I've never made any bones about the fact that my opponents are usually my number one priority, unless it's an off week, in which case the trim becomes tops on my 'to do' list.
So what the freak was I doing here at the Minnesota State Fair? It's way too early in the day for someone as handsome as Jarek Whitaker to be out and about, unless it's Spring Break OR laundry day, or I need to get my bronze on, or I need to pump some iron so I can stand in front of a mirror for two hours and gawk at myself. Bitch please, you already know why I came here. That's right, I came to see a magic show. Well, that's all I had on my agenda. As most know, plans were always subject to change.
With that rather long winded inner monologue in the rear view, our eyes are now trained on the Minnesota State Fair. Or to be precise, right in the thick of it. We manage to spot Jarek and his entourage (or nine scantily clad sluts if you prefer) stepping away from a beverage stall. He seems exhausted for some reason, which is made evident by the fact that he downs about half of his drink as soon as he turns away from the vendor. All nine of his managers are clinging and clutching to a variety of stuffed animals in their arms. Another indication that Jarek worked over time to make sure all nine of his dimes were having a good time. (That hammer weighs a damned ton!) Or in simpler terms, he'd dominated the game where one must strike the surface with a hammer in order to make the bell ring. More over, he also looks a little worse for wear. Rocking a Care Bear band-aid (Really, Jay?) over the bridge of his nose while his Minnesota Wild jersey (What, you think he'd make the same mistake twice?) appears to be soaked. (Guess we can't all be as graceful on the ice as Kristy Yamaguchi, huh?)
After carving their way through the mass of people, Jarek and Co. finally came to a stop just out in front of a large, circular tent. The label just above the entry way read "Minnesota State Fair Magic Show!" with a bunch of useless tid bits of information underneath. You know, things nobody would need to be aware of. Price of admission, schedule, acts on that specific day, and so on. Upon entering, all ten of them occupy an entire row toward the back of the crowd, waiting in anticipation for the show to begin. Jarek glances to his right, at all nine of the identical looking women, dressed in the exact same clothing (or lack thereof, depending on your fashion preferences). Clearing his throat, they all turn to face him in perfect unison as he grins.
Jarek: Hope you ladies are ready to be amazed!
A bunch of Butt Sluts: Oh Jay... you already did plenty of that last night.
Jarek: That was one hell of a disappearing act, huh? I'm a pretty good magician too, ya know. The way I made my...
A random spectator behind Jarek cleared his throat loudly.
Jarek: Slide in and out of all nine of your...
Again, he cleared his throat. This time, it was far more drawn out.
Jarek: Until none of you could stand... and then I finished with a huge...
The man seated behind them had heard enough. Growling under his breath, he stood from his chair and grabbed his son by the arm, yanking him up in the process. The kid instantly protested.
Little boy: But Daddy, I want to see the magic show!
As they moved to the exit, Jarek turned his head to look back at them. A somewhat puzzled look formed on his face during the fact. After they'd stormed out, he shrugged and then turned his attention back to the stage. Not realizing that he was the cause of their departure. Though he did decide to reflect on it to himself, quietly.
Jarek: Wonder what their problem was?
The last few patrons moved into the tent and grabbed their seats as the lights dimmed and the audience begin to applaud. Dramatic music filtered out from the speaker system, but only for a short while before a voice rang out.
Voice Over: We're sorry to inform all of you, but our show for today has been canceled. Please meet with our employee outside to get your refunds. Sorry for any inconvenience this may have caused and enjoy the rest of your evening at the Minnesota State Fair.
An overwhelming amount of boos echoed throughout the tent as guests were infuriated. That's when San Fransisco's favorite son sprang to action. Jarek stood from his chair and quickly shucked and jived his way to the other end of the aisle, avoiding all nine of his butt sluts before darting down to the stage. He hopped on it and grabbed the microphone. Fanning his free hand, almost in an effort to try and calm the enraged crowd on hand.
Jarek: Have no fear, Jarek is here! You guys wanna see some magic? You wanna see some freaking now you see it, now you don't... abra kadabara, mother fluffing alakazam... cut this attractive lady in two and then put her back together MAGIC?! Well, you're in for a treat. See, this guy right here? You know, the good looking one standing before you? Well, he knows a thing or two about just that!
His butt sluts erupt into cheers while the rest of the crowd remains silent. Hell, not even the crickets at the outer perimeter of the tent were chirping. Jarek remained vigilante though, as he started to tamper with the equipment on the stage. All the while, speaking to the crowd to try and lift their spirits.
Jarek: Once upon a time, I met me a bright eyed gal with wild blonde hair... Now this girl was a little out there, but she looked pretty darn good. Built for mileage if you know what I'm sayin... Anyway, she showed me a bit of magic and you know what I said? It was a joke, nothing more than a parlor trick. Any old schmuck off the street could do it! But she didn't let that bring her down. In fact, that gal made a believer out of me! So hopefully, I can do what she showed me all that time ago some justice... check it...
Little did they know, the only magic tick I've ever done is make a five inch sausage disappear into a girl's... well, you get the picture. Hell, I'd only ever watched my opponent this week (Vanessa) do them at her own leisure. Man was she good at it. I mean, good enough to be the main attraction at a casino. Making the kinda buku bucks that Siegfried and Roy made. She really had the technique down. Me? Shit... my only hope was that I didn't accidentally blow up two hundred people. Can't back out now, can I? Here we go, JEAH!
With a shaky breath, Jarek grabbed a top hat that was resting on a table top. He then grabbed the wand beside it. The fans slowly but surely were coming around. They had stopped booing and had finally quieted down enough to see what Jarek had in store for them.
Jarek: Just a normal head piece, right? Well, prepare to be overcome by shock and awe, folks! For my first trick, I will pull a rabbit out of this ordinary hat!
He set the microphone down and placed his hand on the rim of the hat. After tapping the wand on it three times, Jarek screamed out "Voila!"... but just as most of us probably anticipated, nothing popped out. Instead, the same rabbit which was intended to be removed from the cap scurried out from behind the table as the audience chuckled slightly. Jarek noticed this as his face turned red for a moment. The animal darted off the stage, behind the curtains as Jarek shrugged before lifting the mic to his lips.
Huh... well, it looked a lot easier when she did it.
Jarek: Okay... I guess 'Thumper' didn't want to help me out there, did he? So why don't we try something I'm sure all of you are familiar with? Something a bit more... difficult? JEAH! I have here...
He continued talking as he rooted through several different boxes on the set.
Jarek: A deck of cards? No... Rings? No... The Necronomi-what? no... OH! Here we are!
The crowd continued to watch as Jarek rolled a vertical box toward the center of the stage. One that was rectangular in shape. He leaned down behind the box for a second, then reappeared with a cheesy grin on his face.
Jarek: So... for my next act, I'll need a volunteer.
Before he could really make a choice for himself, all nine of his butt sluts stampeded their way to the edge of the row they'd been seated in. Making a B line for the stage. Jarek let out a hearty chuckle as he retorted.
Jarek: Or nine...
As they all filed onto the stage from the stairs located to the right, Jarek opened the box and gestured for the audience members to look at it closely.
Jarek: Just a plain old box, right? Now... what if I told all of you that I could make not one, not three, not six, but ALL NINE of these lovely ladies vanish into thin air?!
Who was I kidding? I couldn't make one of them disappear, let alone nine. Please let this work, God... PLEASE!
The crowd seemed to buy into it as Jarek proceeded to escort each one of his sluts into the box, but a problem started to present itself. The box was becoming quite crowded. It wasn't designed for that many people to stand in it at one time. Jarek managed to push the last slut in somehow and closed the door to the now bulging box. There was random commotion coming from inside as all the sluts were repeatedly chanting "Jarek!" over and over again, rooting him on.
Jarek: With one flick from my wand, and a little chant... ALAKADABRA ZAM... MOOKA LAKI HIKI... C'MON YA WANNA LAY ME... When I open the door to this box, all nine of the women who entered will be gone!
He reached for the handle to the door, however, the side panel of the box collapsed from the pressure as all nine women spilled out onto the floor of the stage, right in front of Jarek. The crowd burst into uncontrollable laughter as he too began to laugh nervously.
Nice dick move there, God... way to go.
In an attempt to salvage the act, Jarek quickly gestured toward the box that was now completely destroyed.
Jarek: As you can clearly see, folks. All nine women are still here but the box is no more... The box is no more! Thank you and have a good night!
He took a bow and wasn't greeted with applause, but rather, uncontrollable laughter coming from all fronts. Jarek helped all nine of his sluts back to their feet as the group made their way toward the exit. Each slut grabbing their stuffed animals on the way out, as well as one of them making sure to grab Jarek's beverage that he'd left unattended. With his failed attempt to do the right thing and try to be a good guy, Jarek thought to himself.
Guess I could be down on myself for failing that bad in front of a live audience. But I'm sure even Vanessa herself would admit that magic isn't just based on luck. You gotta have skill. You gotta know the inner workings of each trick. You gotta be good at misdirection, which is something I've always struggled with. Good news there is, I do possess one quality that wipes the rest of that shit right off the back of the toilet seat. When life gives me lemons? I make the best damn lemonade anyone's ever tasted. Or at the very least, I lie through my teeth so they might be inclined to believe it's the best.
Wait a minute... is that...
His eyes lit up like a Christmas Tree, as if he just saw someone familiar within the crowd of people now outside the tent. Jarek wasted no time in rushing up behind who he thought was someone he knew. Wild pink hair? Check... Reasonably plump backside? Check... Gigantic boobs that stretched her poor shirt to unimaginable lengths? Check... the unmistakable swagger of a girl who had one too many Chai Latte's.
No doubt about it... I'd recognize those features anywhere!
He opened his right hand up, swinging it in an upward motion as it made contact with the woman's right butt cheek, which caused her to immediately jump a good two feet off the ground in surprise.
Jarek: Heya, super boobs. How's it hanging?
Upon turning around, Jarek's excitement quickly diminished as he saw that this woman was not Vanessa, but instead, someone completely different.
Woman: How dare you!
Aww shit...
SLAP! SLAP!
Following a thunderous one two combination to his now rosey red cheeks, Jarek stumbled back slightly before using his free hand to rub at his face. Meanwhile, at the pack of the pack a sudden commotion was heard.
Bunch of Butt Sluts: Eek! Halp!
Alerted by the sound of nine women in peril, Jarek quickly whirled around... just in time to see all of his Butt Sluts on the their way to the ground in domino like fashion, as well as none other than Vanessa losing her footing and now on a collision course with Jay. He braced himself for impact as she pretty much face butted him in the genital region which knocked him to the ground, but also sent the drink from his hand flying as it soared into the air, almost in slow motion. With both Jarek and Vanessa now on the grass covered ground of the fair, in a rather compromising position, Jarek grimaced in pain before glancing down at the same woman he'd meet in competition at the next Breakthrough. Her hypnotic blue eyes trained on his face as well now, while she was still inches away from his package.
Jarek: Hey there good...
SPLASH!
The drink had landed on both of them, soaking each other an equal amount as Jarek let out an agitated sigh.
Awesome...
Vanessa: Why is it every time I go out somewhere, I get wet...?
Jarek: That's a problem?
Jarek questioned as he slithered his way out from under Vanessa and managed to get back to his feet, now clutching at his nether region. Still in a slight amount of discomfort.
Jarek: Didn't realize you'd be here. "Enjoying" the State Fair too, sugar tits?
V just rubs her face in pain, before awkwardly responding.
Vanessa: Uh, yeah... Jessi dragged me here.
Jarek nodded in approval before making small talk with Vanessa.
Jarek: I know all about getting 'dragged'.
He glared at his butt sluts with a look of disdain on his face. Who were still in the process of standing.
Jarek: See those nine broads behind you? They ALL wanted to come here. They told me it would be a nice change of pace to do something fun. I suggested something sexual, of course. But then I get told, by all nine women... That they're on the rag? Like what the hell, bro?
Vanessa: Yeah, I know how you feel about CERTAIN PEOPLE BEING ON THE RAG...
V herself glared at Andy who was heading over. Someone she'd met recently. Jarek had a hard time making out whether this person was male or female. In fact, the only thing he was concerned with was how much that fedora on top of Andy's head cost, and if he could find a cheap knock off at a discount price. Turning his attention back to Vanessa, he jabbed a thumb at Andy in a questioning manner.
Jarek: Who's your friend here with the kick ass head wear?
Andy walked forward, raising the bill of the fedora on his/her head in the process.
Andy: Her "Friend" is Andy. And this hat is worth more than your life.
Jarek raised an eyebrow.
Jarek: Whatever you say, my dude.
Andy: I'm not your dude, pal.
Jarek: And I'm not your pal, friend...
Andy: I don't even know you well enough to be your friend, amigo...
Jarek: Well I... Ugh, forget it!
Vanessa looked back and forth, cocking her head to the side like a confused dog. Meanwhile, Jarek opted out of the stalemate between himself and Andy for the moment, as he fixed his gaze upon Vanessa who was still trying to analyze the back and forth she'd just witnessed. A more serious expression developed on Jarek's face. One that brimmed with confidence, but also... caution.
Jarek: So... you ready for our match?
Vanessa: Define... ready.
Jarek took a step toward V and gently placed a hand on her shoulder with a grin playing on his face now.
Jarek: We're bros, V. But when that bell rings, I'm coming at you with everything but the kitchen sink. Just make sure you do the same.
Vanessa: I was hoping you'd say that. Well, assumed you would. Partially. Uh... CHEA!
Jarek: Whether it's Chea! ... or Jeah! ... Let's give those fans something to talk about, huh?
Jarek: Jay Seacrest, OUT!
He started to run forward, but tripped over his own two feet. Shortly after, his butt slut commitee followed suit. They ran forward a short distance, but then tripped over Jay's body as each one fell to the ground.
Damn it, life! I don't need THIS many lemons!
- Fade
Okay, wrap your head around this one. There's this chick who's into bondage and shit, right? She comes equipped with legs for days, which I'd like to part in several different ways. Lips that I constantly visualize wrapped around a certain... tube shaped organ. Eyes that are hypnotic, gorgeous brown locks that flow like water from a fresh mountain stream, 'assets' that would land her a job pretty much anywhere she damn well pleased. To make an already long story a wee bit shorter, she's a dime. But best of all? She plays hard to get. Following a swift kick to the baby maker, I found myself craving more. So what'd I do? Shit... I followed that fine piece of ace out to the ring.
After turning the swag on and inadvertently costing her 'pet' his match against PKA, I found myself in a pretty good spot. I mean, aside from the fact that this muscle bound maniac was chasing me into the backstage area, overwhelmed by rage. Foaming pouring from the mouth as his stress vein pulsated uncontrollably. What happened on the previous Breakthrough is what most would refer to as 'two birds, one stone.' Not only did I screw up Knight, but I also made it plain as day... that more than anything else, I wanted to fall asleep with my ding dong in his Mistress' yahoo.
And now we shift from one extreme to another. I'd be fighting a good friend of mine this week in Vanessa, or the Queen as she's known. Her and Lovecraft are as different as night and day, black and white, Pepsi and Dr. Pepper. Now despite that, my approach will be somewhat similar. There are two things I take more seriously than anything else. The cooch AND the competition. I've never made any bones about the fact that my opponents are usually my number one priority, unless it's an off week, in which case the trim becomes tops on my 'to do' list.
So what the freak was I doing here at the Minnesota State Fair? It's way too early in the day for someone as handsome as Jarek Whitaker to be out and about, unless it's Spring Break OR laundry day, or I need to get my bronze on, or I need to pump some iron so I can stand in front of a mirror for two hours and gawk at myself. Bitch please, you already know why I came here. That's right, I came to see a magic show. Well, that's all I had on my agenda. As most know, plans were always subject to change.
With that rather long winded inner monologue in the rear view, our eyes are now trained on the Minnesota State Fair. Or to be precise, right in the thick of it. We manage to spot Jarek and his entourage (or nine scantily clad sluts if you prefer) stepping away from a beverage stall. He seems exhausted for some reason, which is made evident by the fact that he downs about half of his drink as soon as he turns away from the vendor. All nine of his managers are clinging and clutching to a variety of stuffed animals in their arms. Another indication that Jarek worked over time to make sure all nine of his dimes were having a good time. (That hammer weighs a damned ton!) Or in simpler terms, he'd dominated the game where one must strike the surface with a hammer in order to make the bell ring. More over, he also looks a little worse for wear. Rocking a Care Bear band-aid (Really, Jay?) over the bridge of his nose while his Minnesota Wild jersey (What, you think he'd make the same mistake twice?) appears to be soaked. (Guess we can't all be as graceful on the ice as Kristy Yamaguchi, huh?)
After carving their way through the mass of people, Jarek and Co. finally came to a stop just out in front of a large, circular tent. The label just above the entry way read "Minnesota State Fair Magic Show!" with a bunch of useless tid bits of information underneath. You know, things nobody would need to be aware of. Price of admission, schedule, acts on that specific day, and so on. Upon entering, all ten of them occupy an entire row toward the back of the crowd, waiting in anticipation for the show to begin. Jarek glances to his right, at all nine of the identical looking women, dressed in the exact same clothing (or lack thereof, depending on your fashion preferences). Clearing his throat, they all turn to face him in perfect unison as he grins.
Jarek: Hope you ladies are ready to be amazed!
A bunch of Butt Sluts: Oh Jay... you already did plenty of that last night.
Jarek: That was one hell of a disappearing act, huh? I'm a pretty good magician too, ya know. The way I made my...
A random spectator behind Jarek cleared his throat loudly.
Jarek: Slide in and out of all nine of your...
Again, he cleared his throat. This time, it was far more drawn out.
Jarek: Until none of you could stand... and then I finished with a huge...
The man seated behind them had heard enough. Growling under his breath, he stood from his chair and grabbed his son by the arm, yanking him up in the process. The kid instantly protested.
Little boy: But Daddy, I want to see the magic show!
As they moved to the exit, Jarek turned his head to look back at them. A somewhat puzzled look formed on his face during the fact. After they'd stormed out, he shrugged and then turned his attention back to the stage. Not realizing that he was the cause of their departure. Though he did decide to reflect on it to himself, quietly.
Jarek: Wonder what their problem was?
The last few patrons moved into the tent and grabbed their seats as the lights dimmed and the audience begin to applaud. Dramatic music filtered out from the speaker system, but only for a short while before a voice rang out.
Voice Over: We're sorry to inform all of you, but our show for today has been canceled. Please meet with our employee outside to get your refunds. Sorry for any inconvenience this may have caused and enjoy the rest of your evening at the Minnesota State Fair.
An overwhelming amount of boos echoed throughout the tent as guests were infuriated. That's when San Fransisco's favorite son sprang to action. Jarek stood from his chair and quickly shucked and jived his way to the other end of the aisle, avoiding all nine of his butt sluts before darting down to the stage. He hopped on it and grabbed the microphone. Fanning his free hand, almost in an effort to try and calm the enraged crowd on hand.
Jarek: Have no fear, Jarek is here! You guys wanna see some magic? You wanna see some freaking now you see it, now you don't... abra kadabara, mother fluffing alakazam... cut this attractive lady in two and then put her back together MAGIC?! Well, you're in for a treat. See, this guy right here? You know, the good looking one standing before you? Well, he knows a thing or two about just that!
His butt sluts erupt into cheers while the rest of the crowd remains silent. Hell, not even the crickets at the outer perimeter of the tent were chirping. Jarek remained vigilante though, as he started to tamper with the equipment on the stage. All the while, speaking to the crowd to try and lift their spirits.
Jarek: Once upon a time, I met me a bright eyed gal with wild blonde hair... Now this girl was a little out there, but she looked pretty darn good. Built for mileage if you know what I'm sayin... Anyway, she showed me a bit of magic and you know what I said? It was a joke, nothing more than a parlor trick. Any old schmuck off the street could do it! But she didn't let that bring her down. In fact, that gal made a believer out of me! So hopefully, I can do what she showed me all that time ago some justice... check it...
Little did they know, the only magic tick I've ever done is make a five inch sausage disappear into a girl's... well, you get the picture. Hell, I'd only ever watched my opponent this week (Vanessa) do them at her own leisure. Man was she good at it. I mean, good enough to be the main attraction at a casino. Making the kinda buku bucks that Siegfried and Roy made. She really had the technique down. Me? Shit... my only hope was that I didn't accidentally blow up two hundred people. Can't back out now, can I? Here we go, JEAH!
With a shaky breath, Jarek grabbed a top hat that was resting on a table top. He then grabbed the wand beside it. The fans slowly but surely were coming around. They had stopped booing and had finally quieted down enough to see what Jarek had in store for them.
Jarek: Just a normal head piece, right? Well, prepare to be overcome by shock and awe, folks! For my first trick, I will pull a rabbit out of this ordinary hat!
He set the microphone down and placed his hand on the rim of the hat. After tapping the wand on it three times, Jarek screamed out "Voila!"... but just as most of us probably anticipated, nothing popped out. Instead, the same rabbit which was intended to be removed from the cap scurried out from behind the table as the audience chuckled slightly. Jarek noticed this as his face turned red for a moment. The animal darted off the stage, behind the curtains as Jarek shrugged before lifting the mic to his lips.
Huh... well, it looked a lot easier when she did it.
Jarek: Okay... I guess 'Thumper' didn't want to help me out there, did he? So why don't we try something I'm sure all of you are familiar with? Something a bit more... difficult? JEAH! I have here...
He continued talking as he rooted through several different boxes on the set.
Jarek: A deck of cards? No... Rings? No... The Necronomi-what? no... OH! Here we are!
The crowd continued to watch as Jarek rolled a vertical box toward the center of the stage. One that was rectangular in shape. He leaned down behind the box for a second, then reappeared with a cheesy grin on his face.
Jarek: So... for my next act, I'll need a volunteer.
Before he could really make a choice for himself, all nine of his butt sluts stampeded their way to the edge of the row they'd been seated in. Making a B line for the stage. Jarek let out a hearty chuckle as he retorted.
Jarek: Or nine...
As they all filed onto the stage from the stairs located to the right, Jarek opened the box and gestured for the audience members to look at it closely.
Jarek: Just a plain old box, right? Now... what if I told all of you that I could make not one, not three, not six, but ALL NINE of these lovely ladies vanish into thin air?!
Who was I kidding? I couldn't make one of them disappear, let alone nine. Please let this work, God... PLEASE!
The crowd seemed to buy into it as Jarek proceeded to escort each one of his sluts into the box, but a problem started to present itself. The box was becoming quite crowded. It wasn't designed for that many people to stand in it at one time. Jarek managed to push the last slut in somehow and closed the door to the now bulging box. There was random commotion coming from inside as all the sluts were repeatedly chanting "Jarek!" over and over again, rooting him on.
Jarek: With one flick from my wand, and a little chant... ALAKADABRA ZAM... MOOKA LAKI HIKI... C'MON YA WANNA LAY ME... When I open the door to this box, all nine of the women who entered will be gone!
He reached for the handle to the door, however, the side panel of the box collapsed from the pressure as all nine women spilled out onto the floor of the stage, right in front of Jarek. The crowd burst into uncontrollable laughter as he too began to laugh nervously.
Nice dick move there, God... way to go.
In an attempt to salvage the act, Jarek quickly gestured toward the box that was now completely destroyed.
Jarek: As you can clearly see, folks. All nine women are still here but the box is no more... The box is no more! Thank you and have a good night!
He took a bow and wasn't greeted with applause, but rather, uncontrollable laughter coming from all fronts. Jarek helped all nine of his sluts back to their feet as the group made their way toward the exit. Each slut grabbing their stuffed animals on the way out, as well as one of them making sure to grab Jarek's beverage that he'd left unattended. With his failed attempt to do the right thing and try to be a good guy, Jarek thought to himself.
Guess I could be down on myself for failing that bad in front of a live audience. But I'm sure even Vanessa herself would admit that magic isn't just based on luck. You gotta have skill. You gotta know the inner workings of each trick. You gotta be good at misdirection, which is something I've always struggled with. Good news there is, I do possess one quality that wipes the rest of that shit right off the back of the toilet seat. When life gives me lemons? I make the best damn lemonade anyone's ever tasted. Or at the very least, I lie through my teeth so they might be inclined to believe it's the best.
Wait a minute... is that...
His eyes lit up like a Christmas Tree, as if he just saw someone familiar within the crowd of people now outside the tent. Jarek wasted no time in rushing up behind who he thought was someone he knew. Wild pink hair? Check... Reasonably plump backside? Check... Gigantic boobs that stretched her poor shirt to unimaginable lengths? Check... the unmistakable swagger of a girl who had one too many Chai Latte's.
No doubt about it... I'd recognize those features anywhere!
He opened his right hand up, swinging it in an upward motion as it made contact with the woman's right butt cheek, which caused her to immediately jump a good two feet off the ground in surprise.
Jarek: Heya, super boobs. How's it hanging?
Upon turning around, Jarek's excitement quickly diminished as he saw that this woman was not Vanessa, but instead, someone completely different.
Woman: How dare you!
Aww shit...
SLAP! SLAP!
Following a thunderous one two combination to his now rosey red cheeks, Jarek stumbled back slightly before using his free hand to rub at his face. Meanwhile, at the pack of the pack a sudden commotion was heard.
Bunch of Butt Sluts: Eek! Halp!
Alerted by the sound of nine women in peril, Jarek quickly whirled around... just in time to see all of his Butt Sluts on the their way to the ground in domino like fashion, as well as none other than Vanessa losing her footing and now on a collision course with Jay. He braced himself for impact as she pretty much face butted him in the genital region which knocked him to the ground, but also sent the drink from his hand flying as it soared into the air, almost in slow motion. With both Jarek and Vanessa now on the grass covered ground of the fair, in a rather compromising position, Jarek grimaced in pain before glancing down at the same woman he'd meet in competition at the next Breakthrough. Her hypnotic blue eyes trained on his face as well now, while she was still inches away from his package.
Jarek: Hey there good...
SPLASH!
The drink had landed on both of them, soaking each other an equal amount as Jarek let out an agitated sigh.
Awesome...
Vanessa: Why is it every time I go out somewhere, I get wet...?
Jarek: That's a problem?
Jarek questioned as he slithered his way out from under Vanessa and managed to get back to his feet, now clutching at his nether region. Still in a slight amount of discomfort.
Jarek: Didn't realize you'd be here. "Enjoying" the State Fair too, sugar tits?
V just rubs her face in pain, before awkwardly responding.
Vanessa: Uh, yeah... Jessi dragged me here.
Jarek nodded in approval before making small talk with Vanessa.
Jarek: I know all about getting 'dragged'.
He glared at his butt sluts with a look of disdain on his face. Who were still in the process of standing.
Jarek: See those nine broads behind you? They ALL wanted to come here. They told me it would be a nice change of pace to do something fun. I suggested something sexual, of course. But then I get told, by all nine women... That they're on the rag? Like what the hell, bro?
Vanessa: Yeah, I know how you feel about CERTAIN PEOPLE BEING ON THE RAG...
V herself glared at Andy who was heading over. Someone she'd met recently. Jarek had a hard time making out whether this person was male or female. In fact, the only thing he was concerned with was how much that fedora on top of Andy's head cost, and if he could find a cheap knock off at a discount price. Turning his attention back to Vanessa, he jabbed a thumb at Andy in a questioning manner.
Jarek: Who's your friend here with the kick ass head wear?
Andy walked forward, raising the bill of the fedora on his/her head in the process.
Andy: Her "Friend" is Andy. And this hat is worth more than your life.
Jarek raised an eyebrow.
Jarek: Whatever you say, my dude.
Andy: I'm not your dude, pal.
Jarek: And I'm not your pal, friend...
Andy: I don't even know you well enough to be your friend, amigo...
Jarek: Well I... Ugh, forget it!
Vanessa looked back and forth, cocking her head to the side like a confused dog. Meanwhile, Jarek opted out of the stalemate between himself and Andy for the moment, as he fixed his gaze upon Vanessa who was still trying to analyze the back and forth she'd just witnessed. A more serious expression developed on Jarek's face. One that brimmed with confidence, but also... caution.
Jarek: So... you ready for our match?
Vanessa: Define... ready.
Jarek took a step toward V and gently placed a hand on her shoulder with a grin playing on his face now.
Jarek: We're bros, V. But when that bell rings, I'm coming at you with everything but the kitchen sink. Just make sure you do the same.
Vanessa: I was hoping you'd say that. Well, assumed you would. Partially. Uh... CHEA!
Jarek: Whether it's Chea! ... or Jeah! ... Let's give those fans something to talk about, huh?
That being said, Jarek gave her a couple of friendly pats on the shoulder and turned around suddenly. He pointed dead ahead and inhaled sharply, as though he was about to scream.
Jarek: Jay Seacrest, OUT!
He started to run forward, but tripped over his own two feet. Shortly after, his butt slut commitee followed suit. They ran forward a short distance, but then tripped over Jay's body as each one fell to the ground.
Damn it, life! I don't need THIS many lemons!
- Fade
