Post by Deleted on Mar 16, 2016 14:15:59 GMT -6
A day has passed already since I was involved in one of the most magical and memorable days to have ever happened to me in my entire life. But it still feels like it happened mere seconds ago, that very moment in the shopping mall when little Elena Marie Storm first arrived into this world, in the lingerie section of a clothing store...that’s going to be a funny and embarrassing story for Elena Marie to hear when she’s older.
Of course, as happy as I am for my two best friends in the whole wide world, that their little baby girl is finally here. Because things for me nowadays can’t ever seem to just be one hundred percent happiness, seeing that little angel’s beautiful little face, reminds me again just how much I miss Nick and Chelsea. Holding her in my arms makes me wish that I could once again hold my two children in my arms, and it kills me.
But, I can’t and won’t ruin this joyous occasion. I’ve done that too many times already, whenever Zel or Ty have talked about their little one from the moment Zel first found out she was pregnant, the conversation has always ended with me getting upset over missing my kids.
That’s not going to happen today...
Standing outside the room that Ty, Zel and little Elena Marie are staying in, Katie and I look over to one another. Both of us with huge beaming smiles on our faces...and with both of our hands occupied by two large bags full of presents for the new arrival...some may say we may have gone overboard with the amount of gifts we have, but she’s our goddaughter...it’s our job to spoil her!
I’m dressed in a pair of black high heeled leather boots, a pair of black skin tight leather trousers, a plain white T-shirt with the slogan “I’m a proud Godmother” written across the front of it, yeah I know it’s cheesy but I’m so excited that I couldn’t help myself, and of course my black leather jacket.
Katie is dressed in a pair of ankle high dark brown leather boots, a pair of black skin tight leggings, a plain white turtle neck cotton top and a long brown leather coat. I turn to her, still beaming about the fact I’m about to see our goddaughter again.
“You ready, honey?”
"Ready as I'll ever be, Ms. J."
Well that’s a blast from the past, I can’t remember the last time she referred to me as Ms J. But, it’s something I’ll never get bored of, she’s my Harley Quinn...minus the crazy, demented part...and the fact that I’m not just using her for my own personal gain...and also minus the fact that...okay she’s not like Harley Quinn at all but that wasn’t the point I was trying to make.
I knock softly three times on the door and slowly and quietly open it as we enter the room and see Zelda sitting up in her bed, breastfeeding little Elena Marie as Ty sits beside them both, his eyes locked onto his beautiful little daughter. They both then turn their heads in our general direction with huge smiles on their faces as we both give them a wave.
“Hi guys...”
"Hello, hello ladieeeeesus that's a lot of gifts."
Tyler sounds a bit surprised, which in and of itself isn't surprising. He then chuckles a bit before responding.
"You gals really are taking this godparents thing well huh?"
Zelda giggles as she looks back down to Elena, another thing that catches me off guard is Zelda looking a bit pale for comfort, I imagine she still is really exhausted and feeling the trauma of un-medicated childbirth. She speaks almost in a whisper as she looks back up to Katie and I.
"Our little princess has the most amazing god mommies in the world."
“Well, you know...we try...”
Letting out a soft chuckle, we both make our way over to them and place our bags on the floor before pulling up a couple of extra chairs that the hospital staff were kind enough to supply us with, knowing we were coming to visit.
“How’s she doing?”
I say as we both look at her, Katie taking hold of my hand as we do. Tyler smiles as he scratches little Elena's back.
"Little gal is doing great, they are wanting to keep her around an extra day or two to make sure there aren't any effects to her being born earlier than expected, but she is doing great. Zel could use those extra days herself, her condition she has combined with the rough birth takes a lot out of her compared to most women. She finally was able to walk again this morning, still a bit shaky though."
Zelda nods as she leans her head a bit on her pillow.
"I'm sorry you guys have to see me like this...I am okay though, just really tired right now."
Placing my free hand onto her arm, I softly rub it and smile.
“It’s okay...we understand, guess Katie will have to wait a little longer for the kiss you owe her because of me then...”
Both Katie and Tyler look at me with a slight hint of confusion. Oh right yeah, I kinda forgot to mention to both of them that I kinda, sorta, kissed Zelda before lil’ Elena decided to arrive.
"I'm...sorry, could you say that again?"
My face begins to turn a little red with embarrassment as I look down to the ground rather sheepishly.
“Zelda and I kinda shared a kiss...I accidentally made her feel a bit guilty so I wanted to cheer her up and it was just a spur of the moment thing...”
Katie just nods.
"Nice job."
Tyler then chuckles a bit and shakes his head.
"Considering what you two were trying on when I found you two, I'm not surprised in the slightest."
Zelda blushes up herself, which shows up rather obviously to her current pale complexion as she looks at Katie.
"It was my fault Katie, I'm sorry. Honestly her guilt came from a thing where she wished you were there too. It was my fault though."
"That's all fine. Spur of the moment, right?"
She smiles as Zel finishes up feeding Elena before she covers herself back up. Now that she’s finished feeding, I start getting all excited at the thought of seeing something that I know would just melt my heart.
“Hey Katie...you should totally hold her...it’s one of the best feelings in the world, holding a precious little baby in your arms...”
"But...I don't even know how to do that."
“Just relax...look...you see how Zel’s holding her now?”
I point to Zel as she holds Elena in her arms and Katie slowly nods.
“You just gotta make sure to cradle her in both arms, using one to support her head...if you start feeling scared or anything...you can just give her to me. But trust me...the moment she is in your arms, all the fear and doubt will just wash away from you...”
Zelda shares a soft smile with Stacy and Katie before placing a little kiss on Elena's head.
"She really wants to be held by her Auntie Katie."
Katie extends her arms out to receive the infant, with a nervous look crossing her face. Zelda places Elena softly in Katie's arms, helping her adjust them so she is giving the right amount of support.
"I trust you, don't worry."
As soon as Elena is safely in Katie's arms, it's as if all the nervousness does wash away from the brunette. As if she had achieved a sort of nirvana about the situation. Katie leans in for a kiss right onto little Elena's forehead.
“Oh, Katie...seeing you with her in your arms...”
I place my hand onto my chest as I’m overcome with more love than I could ever imagine. And then the waterworks start, and then the thought of not seeing my own kids pops up out of nowhere in my mind. Why now damn it?!?!
Tyler raises his eyebrow as he looks over at me, glancing right in my eyes even when I try to move them away from him.
"Something is troubling you...what's up Stace?"
“I’m fine...honestly...just seeing Katie with Elena just fills me with so much tears of joy...excuse me for a moment, guys...”
Standing to my feet, I swiftly make my way to the door and open it. Closing the door behind me, I lean against the wall and just slide down it till I’m practically sitting on the floor as I bury my face into my hands and begin to sob.
"You really need to learn you suck at lying."
I manage to pull my head up and see Tyler standing right over me, honesty I didn't hear him even open the door. He slowly lowers himself down next to me and lays his arm on my shoulders.
"Alright, spill it now. I'm not going to let you sit out here by yourself sobbing when we should all be celebrating."
“I-I hate myself for letting this consume my mind again when all I want to do is enjoy myself with you guys now that Elena is finally here...b-but the moment she was placed into Katie’s arms...all I could think about was how badly I want Nick and Chelsea back...”
Once again, I sob into my arms, shaking my head furiously.
“I’m so s-sorry...every single fucking time you try and enjoy a moment when it c-comes to that beautiful little girl in there...I always fucking ruin it with my own God damn problems!”
"Hey now..."
Tyler lifts up my head with his hand and wraps me in a hug, rubbing my back trying to calm me down.
"You aren't ruining anything Stacy. You have every right to miss Nick and Chelsea the way that you do. They are your everything, and you know I've been going through pain myself holding Elena and just thinking Cooper could have seen his baby sister."
Leaning out of the hug, I notice a few tears coming from his eyes.
"Do you know how fucking scared I am of losing Elena, going through that pain again? It kills me inside, makes me feel like I want to do what you are doing, just hide and cry away the pain. But you have to face your problems head on, otherwise they consume you and hurt you more."
Tyler moves his hand over and wipes away a couple of my tears, sniffling a bit himself from his own mental dilemma.
"You are going to get them back, one way or another Stacy, you will. I know you may not believe in it, but I know God has a purpose for it all, and I can see he is trying everything he can to reunite you with those two."
As much as I’m not a believer in God myself, that last statement from him makes me smile as I wipe away the remainder of my tears. I nod slowly before we both stand back up to our feet.
“Elena’s going to be okay, Ty...and if there is such thing as a heaven, Cooper has already seen his baby sister...because he’ll be looking down on us right now, along with Lacey. And they’ll be so full of joy and happiness because you’re finally getting a second chance to be able to be the great father that everyone knows you would already be if Cooper was still alive today.”
Folding my arms across my stomach, I try my best to keep the waterworks from starting up again.
“I know one day I’ll see my kids again...and I need to start thinking about that more and more...because at my last therapy session, Doctor Li and I were talking about me talking with Matt about visiting arrangements...”
I immediately notice Tyler's face looking kinda uneasy to me saying that.
"I don't know if that's a safe idea...I don't trust Matt to be civil about anything involving you, especially with Winter wrapped around his arm again."
“When it comes to the kids, he’ll do what’s best for them...no matter the animosity he has for me. I would offer if you’d want to come along with me when I go and see him, but after the threats he made to Zel about her and the baby...I’m not sure that would be a very wise idea...”
Tyler's look quickly changes to anger and he begins breathing a bit heavily.
"I dare that stupid sack of shit to try and touch Zel or Elena, if he wants to sign his fucking death certificate I'll be glad to approve it by sending that little bitch straight to Hell where he can fucking rot!"
Out of nowhere, Tyler slams his fist against the wall and lets out an angry, in-pain grunt as the fist makes a popping sound and he holds onto it with his other hand.
“I shouldn’t have brought that up, I’m sorry...”
I take hold of his hand and check it over before looking back up to him.
“He wouldn’t dare try anything, because he knows there are way too many people who would be out for his blood if he did, me included. But c’mon...let’s forget about all of this crap and get back in there before Katie and Zel begin to worry...we should also get something for your hand too...”
Tyler is still too fuming to even talk, the anger bringing out a few tears of his own as he repeats what I did earlier, sliding against the wall onto the floor.
"I'm...sorry...I just...can't lose them. I can't lose any of you...I'd blame myself every fucking day if I lost anyone this close to me, especially you four."
Bending down in front of him, I place my hand onto his face and look deep into his eyes.
“That’s never going to happen...nobody is going to take any of us away from you...not Matt...not Winter...nobody. I won’t let it happen...you won’t let it happen...Hell, none of us will let it happen.”
"Alright...I'm sorry I keep letting anger be a resort for me when someone threatens the people I love."
Tyler grabs the back of my head and leans it forward so our foreheads are touching, his eyes closed for a few moments as I can feel him just calming himself down. He then slowly stands up with my help then wraps me in another hug, wincing a bit because of his hand which he looks at.
"That was a stupid move, huh?"
“It was yes...but I honestly probably would have done the same thing...”
"Well, I guess we can have matching hands now, huh?"
Tyler chuckles a bit before hugging onto me once more.
"Stacy, thanks for being a part of this family. In a brother-ish kind of way, I do love you and Katie a lot."
I smile before we both make our way back into the hospital room to be with our respective partners and the new little princess that has come into our lives.
Life is full of surprises, full of regrets, full of mistakes and full of hope. I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life, that’s obvious to most people who know me by now. I’ve done things that I regret, that I wish I could have done differently. But doesn’t everyone have those?
It’s part of life...but as much as I have so many regrets and compared to how many mistakes I’ve made. A lot of good has happened in my life, and I need to remember those things. I’m marrying the woman of my dreams later this year, I have amazing friends who I love more than anything. And I helped deliver my best friends baby.
I need to continue thinking of the positives, because one day, I’ll be able to feel like a mother once more. One day, I will get my kids back, and when I do, I’ll never let them go ever again.