Post by Winter Pine on Jul 30, 2016 22:43:17 GMT -6
Depression...feelings of severe despondency and dejection. Sometimes characterized as a brain disorder...a mental condition that brings along inadequacy and guilt, a lack of energy, disturbance of appetite and sleep. There is a bubble on the invisible survey that says "all of the above," and for me each and every day these past couple of weeks, I've filled that bubble in and sealed it with my tears and screams. Oh if Momma could see me now, if all these VoW simpletons could see how far the mighty queen of psychological torture has fallen, all because of one thing: motherhood. A couple of weeks ago, I got the news from Matthew, the man I am supposed to love more than anything in the world...that he allowed MY children back into the arms of the two biggest poisons I have ever dealt with. MY children...are in the hands of the tramp and the whore...and I know they are begging for me, I can feel Chelsea crying every night holding on to her favorite wolf toy...my little prince is telling Stacy he wants to go home and see me.
But Matt thinks I'm delusional...Matt thinks I'm insane...he wants to take it all away from me, the man I loved. Oh how the world has cursed me to feel so broken, to resort to the things I am doing such as now, locked in the bathroom glaring at the broken bitch in the mirror. And on the other end of that locked door...all I hear are the knocks and pleas of the betrayer.
"Babe, please! Open the door!"
Yelling...pleading...begging. Yet when I do all that, I'm told I'm just overthinking.
"I'll open this door when you bring me back MY children."
Another bang on the door, this one not as strong, as if he's either almost on the brink of giving up or upset himself.
"C'mon V! She's their biological mother and she hasn't seen them for three years! She has every right to see them and spend time with them!"
I hear him let out a sigh.
"I know you hate me right now, I know you think I've betrayed you. That I'm trying to take everything away from you, but I swear I'm not! The kids want to see her...you know they do. I miss them too, but babe...I want to be there for you and help you get through this. I love you..."
The anger inside me brews more until finally I slam my fist against the door and scream at Matt.
"You dare use that word after taking away my sanity?!? You fucking waste, you bastard betraying male! I was supposed to be their one and only, I was supposed to rid her from their mind! I...I was supposed to finally know what it was like to be in a perfect family..."
That last line, delivered after I headbutt the door, comes more solemnly as tears pour down my face and I collapse onto my knees. I scratch against the door, gripping to the fibers of whatever material it is made of, and cry out in pain to my fiance on the other side. The fact I actually just said what I said to him, to go off like I did...maybe Matt is right, maybe I am insane.
"Oh god...oh god Matthew please just make the nightmare g-g-go away!!!"
"Babe, I understand why you feel the way you do. I know how much the kids mean to you and it's one of the many reasons why I love you...why I want to make you my wife. And that's why I contacted Jennifer the other day...asking her to see if Stacy would be willing to move here to Miami, to make it easier for you. It's breaking my heart seeing you this way..."
"But why must we have the poison come closer to us to be happy? Why can't I just have my babies and not worry about her?"
"Because she's their mother and if we try and stop her from seeing them, not only will she take us to court and probably win...but it'll break their little hearts not being able to see her. And you and I both know you don't want that..."
"So I have to sit here and let my heart break? I have to endure the pain?"
"Of course you don't. You still have me. Don't I bring you happiness? I know that this will take time for you to get used too. But it will get easier, I promise you..."
"What is happiness worth if I'm not fully happy? What does this mean if I don't also have them? How will it get easier when without them before you I was in severe pain? I...need...them."
He let's out yet another sigh as I hear light banging on the door, like he's lightly hitting his head off the door. I understand he's trying to make me feel better, but I just feel so empty inside.
"How about we give them a call or something? I'm sure Stacy will let you speak with them, and they'll be dying to hear from you too, but they'll want to hear happy Mommy. Please just open the door, I wanted to show you something to try and help cheer you up...please, babe."
Letting out my own sigh, I finally reach up and unlock the door, not opening it but making it audible enough that I am willing to try what Matthew is offering.
"I'm s-so sorry..."
The door slowly opens as I see him standing there, a look of major concern plastered across his face as I lunge myself forward into his arms as he embraces me in his strong, comforting grip. Stroking his hand through my hair, he softly kisses me on the head.
"It's okay, V. I'm here...I'll always be here."
Digging my nails into his skin, I grip as tightly as possible to him as I push myself as hard as I can to not cry, still managing to sniffle and pout out a fair bit.
"Matt...always...always stay please!"
"Forever. Forever and always...and to prove that to you, the thing I wanted to show you? It's to do with our upcoming wedding."
"Our...our wedding?"
Chuckling, he stares deep into my eyes as he wipes away the tears before they're able to travel down my cheeks.
"Yes. You hadn't forgotten about it, had you?"
"N-no...I just am surprised you have something to show me about it. Wh-what's left to show that I haven't talked to you about?"
"Well..."
Breaking away from me, he takes hold of my hand and leads me towards our bedroom. Sitting me down on the edge of the bed, he sits down beside me and opens the top drawer of his bedside table and takes out a small piece of cream colored paper.
"I thought I'd get a draft of the invitations done, and I had an idea for the date. Here...take a look and let me know what you think."
"I mean...I'm sure you chose a good d-date sweetie."
"Yes well, this is your big day too and I want you to see it for yourself...go on, take a look."
I nod and begin looking over the invitation, falling in love with the elegant writing on it and seeing our names together. Then as I travel down through all the words, I finally reach the date and notice...
"Wait...October 10th...Matthew you know that's my birthday, right?"
"Of course I know it's your birthday. That's why I picked it. Is that okay with you?"
"I mean...I don't hate it, but it feels so much more as a focus on me rather than a focus on us."
He takes hold of my hands in his and once again looks deep into my eyes, I'm sure he gets lost in them at times.
"Babe. Whenever you're happy, I'm happy...yes, the day I picked may be your birthday...but it will still feel as if this day will be about us. We're getting married. We will be husband and wife. You...will be Mrs. Veronica Estelle Robinson."
"Well...I just am not sure sweetie, it also just feels too soon. I want a very deep meaning to it, not just that it shares with my birthday. I want there to be no question it's a day for me and you, not something where the majority of the joy goes to one or the other. Trust me, I love your idea, and I'm happy you considered my birthday, but sweetie for me personally I wouldn't feel right sharing the day of my first breath with the day my new life truly begins."
Putting his arm around me, he smiles and once again kisses me, this time on the lips, passionately. Honestly, I was expecting him to be disappointed with my response, but he doesn't seem to be at all.
"That's fine with me my Queen. It was just an idea that popped into my head one day...and I understand if you'd prefer to have it on a different day. We'll come up with one together..."
"Thank you for understanding baby. Honestly, this felt nice, it helped the pain feel like less...so, c-can we call my babies now? Please?"
Nodding, he takes out his cell phone and after pressing a few buttons, places the phone to his ear. After a few moments, the call is answered.
"Hi Stacy? It's Matt...sorry to bother you guys, but would it be okay for Veronica to speak to the kids? She's missing them a lot and would love to speak to them for a bit...thanks."
A brief pause before I suddenly hear Nick's loud, happy, excited voice on the other end.
"Hi buddy. You having a good time? Good, I'm glad...do you and your sister want to speak to Veronica?"
Another excited yell is heard and Matt chuckles before he passes the phone over to me.
"H-hello?"
"HI MOMMY!!!"
And that's all it took to get me to start crying, a big smile on my face to hear my little prince on the other end.
"Hey sweetie...M-Mommy misses you so much sweetie. Are you okay?"
"I miss you too! But I'm fine! We went to Diswneyland and we went on all da wides...even da one Daddy doesn't wike..."
Hearing him giggle on the other end of the phone melts my heart as I place my hand onto my chest.
"Th-that's very nice honey. How is Chelsea doing? And Wolfie?"
"She's fine too...do you want to speak to her?"
"If she wants to, sure sweetie."
There's a bit of commotion now and I faintly hear Nick asking Chelsea if she wants to speak to me and hear her say yes rather excitedly and after a few moments, her beautiful sweet voice echoes through the phone.
"Hi Mommy!"
"Oh my sweet princess, hi baby. Mommy has missed you so so much."
"I've missed you too! Did Nick tell you we went to Diswneyland? We went on all da wides and met all da chawacters! And Minnie saved Wolfie!"
"Saved Wolfie? Did something happen? Stacy and Jennifer didn't hurt Wolfie, did they?"
"No! Dey would never hurt him. I lefted him on one of da wides and we were looking all over for him. Den Minnie found him for me! I was weely upset becoz I wuv him so much and I also didn't want to make you mad by woosing him..."
"Oh my, sweetie, I would never EVER be mad at you princess! I love you too much to be mad at you. But I'm glad Minnie found Wolfie for you, and...I guess I'm happy Stacy and Jennifer helped you trying to find her. That was really nice of them."
"Yeah. I'm sowwi for woosing her, Mommy. It was a accidident..."
"I know it was, Chelsea. I forgive you baby, it's okay. Did you make sure to thank Minnie after she found Wolfie?"
"Yep! I gave her a big hug and told her I wuved her..."
"Good girl. Mommy misses you so much Chelsea."
"We miss you too, Mommy. But we'll see each uver again soon! I gotsta go now doe...I wuv you!"
Just then I hear Nick's voice in the background asking Chelsea to tell me he loves me too.
"And Nick says he wuvs you too!"
"I love you guys too, so so much."
"Bye bye Mommy!"
As the phone goes back to a dial tone, I begin to sob again as I let out a small whisper under my breath.
"P-please don't go..."
I feel Matt's hand rubbing my back softly as he pulls me into him as I rest my head on his shoulder.
"Did that help make you feel any better, babe?"
"It did a little...but it also reminded me why I miss them so...wh-why must they be away from my arms?"
"We've been over this, V. I know it's going to take some getting used too. But they will never be gone from your life forever."
"But their little minds...think of the poison they are taking from the mouths of those tramps. What will become of them?"
"Veronica. I know how much you despise Stacy and Jennifer. I know how much Jennifer has hurt you and I know you hate everything Stacy stands for. But at the end of the day, whether you like it or not...Stacy is the mother to my children."
Thanks for reminding me, Matt.
"And you know, she could have very easily turned around and said she doesn't want you to see them, but she didn't. She couldn't be happier in knowing how much you love them, so please...can you at least try and think of them like that instead of calling them poisonous tramps. They love those kids as much as we do and want nothing but the best for them...just like we do..."
"...You are actually taking her side...you spit in the face of everything I spent the last few months of my life to do, eradicate that fiend...I d-don't know what to say."
"I'm not taking anyone's side, Veronica! I'm thinking about our kids! I'm putting them first, like a father should! They want both of their parents in their lives including their new partners. As far as they're concerned, they want three Mommies and a Daddy, and I'll be damned if I can't give that to them because that is what they want!"
I'm speechless. I never expected him to snap at me like that.
"I'm sorry to snap at you, but you know...I'm trying my best to be the best father and the best fiance I can be. Those kids didn't ask to be born to a mother and father who wouldn't stay together for the rest of their lives. What our kids want is the most important thing..."
"Matthew...I..."
I feel broken...I feel awful...I feel like a huge disgrace. There are so many things I could follow that 'I' up with, but of all the things I choose...
"I want to be alone...leave..."
"Don't do this, V...please. I hate seeing you like this and I'm trying to make this pain you're feeling go away. I feel like you're shutting me out...you're going to be my wife. Let me in. Let me be who I'm meant to be to you, your soul mate...your future husband."
"Leave...leave...leave...please God just leave."
"Fine!"
He quickly gets to his feet and makes his way to the doorway of our bedroom. He stops there, lowering his head before turning back to me.
"I love you..."
And with that, his head drops again as he leaves me all alone in our room. Just then, like with the phone call, I let out a sob and that same whisper out.
"Please don't go...I love you."
But just like the phone call...there is no response...no one coming back. It's just me, my thoughts, and my broken heart, all sitting on this bed as I cry my eyes out. I feel the need to understand, I get why the kids need to be with Stacy, but this feeling of separation is detrimental to my psychological stability. Am I the most sane person normally, no where near, but this level of broken thoughts is something I push to avoid. For now, the loneliness must consume me...I must make my negatives a positive...the mortal body is weak, but the God of VoW will NOT break!
--------------------------------------
I managed to calm Veronica long enough to focus the depression into determination. I must bounce back and remind people once again of my dominance, the utter stupidity of multi-person matches once again screws up my true showing of ability in the ring. Winter must continue to rise, and at Breakthrough 49 I will get that chance to rise and once again make an embarrassment of another worthless person participating in this year's Quest for the Case, something VoW felt so right as to deny me an opportunity to it. Time to prove the little jerk offs up top who the real Queen of this company is.
*RECORDING
With tattered up clothing embracing my body, I sit with my head lowered in my darkened chamber, contemplating before finally slowly raising up and smiling to the camera.
"Well, Breakthrough 48 certainly didn't go too well for the God of VoW, did it? I'll admit, I was bettered that night, but this is just another example of my hatred for multi-person matches. I may strive off chaos, but the type I have to endure in those kinds of matchups is ridiculous and unnatural. However, as I said, I won't fault someone who betters me in those matches, if you can endure that chaos, good on you. So, Gwendolyn Massey, I congratulate you on doing something that is a great privilege in VoW, for one night only, you get to say you bested a God. But that's the key, one...night...only. If it were one-on-one, or any match between you and I in the future, you wouldn't be standing little girl. Keep that in mind before you attempt to talk more than you are worth."
I let out a cold laugh as my smile fades and an ugly grimace overtakes between my cheeks.
"VoW doesn't respect me though, they don't. They will never respect someone that is clearly better than anyone else in this company. They want to make money off of these success stories, people like Katie Moicelle, like Stacy Jones, like Ace Watson. Then you have The Orphanage who had to actually show they already were born successes before they even got to VoW, and of us, Cas is our shining star for he is your World Visionary Champion. He rules a company without a single line of respect, and that helps give people like me, like my fiance, like anyone associated with this group...it gives us motivation, pride, it gives us personal respect towards one another because we don't need the fans, we don't need management, and we don't need VoW to be the best. Yet, we still grace you, we still sit atop the throne and prove there are none that can beat our definitive glory. We take our challenges, and we win our challenges. It's why you see the falling of people like Ziu Zhong, Valquist, Ryder Blade, Seifer Black, Stacy Jones, all those have fallen to The Orphanage and we have only just begun!"
Gripping my hair with my left hand, I lean in a bit closer, my eyes piercing into the lens without a single blink.
"My next challenge, I'm not aware of yet. But, VoW did decide to hand me the disrespectful piece of female trash that is Datura. The same Datura that holds a grudge against my future husband because she's a whiny little baby that he rid VoW and the world of Cameron Behringer. And then, I'm a pure disgrace because I chose to love him? I'm a disgrace to love someone who saved my life, who gave me a home, who for the first time in my life gave me a reason to live happily. She keeps going with her words, ends up saying Matthew and I are poisons to the career of Cas and we leach off his success. Sweetheart, no offense to our leader at all, but I can handle myself and I don't NEED Cas or Matthew or any of the protection we are given as members of The Orphanage. I don't need it, is it nice to have those things and people around though? Absolutely, who wouldn't want to have something that makes things a little easier every day to deal with? Maybe a weird little bitch like you likes to live in this fantasy world where being all about your abilities helps you live, but in reality we all need help at some point. And sweetheart, I'll be getting you a lot of help at Breakthrough 49. My fists connecting to that pretty little face will provide you a chance to find a really good dentist, my knees to your chest will allow you to seek out an x-ray specialist, and my Frostbite to the back of your fucking skull will let you seek the sweet release of death, not just the death of your career, but maybe if I'm lucky the death of you as a living soul on this planet."
I chuckle to that last line, licking my lips and leaning back once more but keeping my eyes glued onto the camera.
"Datura, I will admit, you are a great ring competitor. You've proven yourself a lot since that little bit right when you got here and you ate so much shit we would have never thought you of all people were associated with Cameron Behringer. You fixed yourself in that regard. But you still lack common thought as to how you think people work. I never thought I could such a judgmental little prick until I saw the things you enjoyed saying about me and Matthew. So at Breakthrough, I teach you a lesson in respect, a lesson in common thought, a lesson in what pain truly feels like when I cave your skull in. I have a lot to make up for after that worthless showing I admit I had at Breakthrough 48. You sadly come to my attention at the wrong place, the wrong time, and with the wrong attitude towards me. Sweet dreams Datura, and long live the nightmares. Winter has spoken."
Grabbing the camera, I shove it to the dirt-covered stone floor and shut it off, but rather than find my way of exit for once from my chamber, I continue to sit here and think...and ponder...and sob as Winter turns back to Veronica. Let it out my dear...for a few days, you can just let it out. We will get better, the pain will become more bearable. Just please, don't push him away...he's all you have, and you are all he has.
I love you Veronica.
