Post by Winter Pine on Aug 28, 2016 21:00:46 GMT -6
Words are singularly the most powerful force available to humanity. We can choose to use this force constructively with words of encouragement, or destructively using words of despair. Words have energy and power with the ability to help, to heal, to hinder, to hurt, to harm, to humiliate and to humble.
-Yehuda Berg
Another week of defeat and now I'm starting to feel like this is my new standard. It's frustrating, to be on top of the world and feel so powerful, but then in one quick swoop things go a totally different direction. I let myself get so confident, so empowered by what I thought was success, it wasn't until I sat in that locker room at Heatstroke after the failure to Zoey and Constance that I realized how blinded I let myself get.
A God...a fucking God, do I actually believe I'm any sort of worthy-of-praise being? I don't need to answer that because I've shown response through my actions. It's time I stop this game and get back to what makes me who I am...I am capable of so much more in VoW, I can reach those heights I dreamed of when I first got into this business 5 years ago. But to do that, I need to remember who I am in the ring, and outside the ring. I'm not a God...I'm not perfect, I'm not unstoppable. What I am is Winter Pine...what I am is vulnerable to my own mind if I let myself get too mighty in thought, which to be fair has been easier to rub on me with my relationship with Matthew. I can discuss that with him later, he will understand, he loves me enough that I can trust him to know where I'm coming from. It's time to step back from being so full of myself and get back to being smart and methodical. I'm not perfect...I'm not unstoppable...I'm not a God.
But with that all said...what do I need to be to conquer the biggest test of my life? Now I have all eyes on me again...and this time I represent more than myself, more than the abilities I possess...I must now represent the very family I gave my heart to the moment I stepped foot into the World of Visionaries. I must represent them not just as a member either...she took down our leader, now it's up to me to pick up the shield and rush in. But...how?
"Do you remember when we met? When I was full of fear and regret for the choices I had made in my life up to that point? Do you remember how much I wished and begged for things to never to have gone how they did, and yet you always told me that I couldn't just pretend they didn't happen."
Gently, I rub my hand against the grass I have been laying my body against for the past couple of hours, my head propped up against the stone tombstone which bore the name of my long lost best friend, and also my reason I ever decided to come into professional wrestling in the first place. I imagine here cold, deteriorating body feels so lonely under all that dirt, and even her cushioned casket she must rest in for as long as those bones will hold up probably isn't as comfy as the last time I saw and felt that soft material at her funeral.
The location of this meeting, just a small little private cemetery in the middle of butt-fuck nowhere, Alabama. I don't remember the name of this place, it had been so long since that tragedy and the following days that followed including her burial, and I always told myself I'd never return so I eventually just forgot the title this field of death held. Even if I wanted to remember, the lack of signage and care to even know led to me just wanting to know only the location I never forgot of the one that lies here for eternity. Well...not only her, but the smaller little marking that is beside her. I turn my head to look at the smoothed stone, running my hand away from the green below me to now etch across the surname that it and the larger tombstone held...Storm.
"Lacey, you'll have to tell me about how my innocent godson is doing. Did he ever learn to finally say my name, or should I still expect to hear calls of Nanny Vewo? Do you still get annoyed when he says my name over and over, trying to get you to come see me...while you had to explain to him after my parents kicked me out of the house that you wouldn't feel comfortable having him visit me while I lived in an apartment in the bad side of town in Birmingham?"
I sniffle a little saying that, just remembering the hell I had to go through with my mother when I finally admitted to my wrestling dreams, here denial of it all was so disheartening especially when it was finally threatened I'd have to leave if I wanted to be stuck in such a useless hobby as a career...it hurts to this day knowing that along with so many reasons had her feel no need to love me. It was by sheer luck, I can assume, any relationship with my father could be brought back when I thought he shared the same feelings.
"Huh...oh, I'm sorry Lacey, I just got stuck in thought there. You know how rough it is talking about my parents around you. I didn't want to bring that negativity around you while you were going through enough having to cope with separating from Tyler. It was good you two found ways to make things work for Cooper though...he loved you two so much, and I think deep down you still loved Tyler and he still loved you. In fact I know he does...I can see that from the flowers laying before your marking."
Glancing my head around the stone, I do indeed notice the countless amounts of blue flowers that surround Lacey...Tyler used to give her a blue flower a day to remind her she was always on his heart, and yet she never had the courage to tell him of the allergies she had, eventually I think her body just got used to it. There are still several fresh ones here, telling me he has been here probably within the last week or so while in town for his business crap I still have yet to understand. I'm happy he still remembers though...it tells me so much about him still and no matter my feelings towards others in his life, I can still count on Tyler as a friend.
"I wish you two would have never separated, it hurts to see so many poisonous personalities surrounding him now, including that one I told you hurt me so bad, the blonde whore. But...she at least gave him a daughter, Tyler needed that second chance after losing Coop...she is a sweet little angel, and hopefully any love she is getting from Tyler I hope Cooper feels that coming his way too. He is doing a lot still for him, I can see it in the way he talks and feels emotionally."
Alright, Veronica, you've stalled long enough...I'd say it's time to let them sleep again. You were bad enough at doing that in high school with Lacey every night. So, with that I stand up slowly to my feet, grabbing the leather bag I had laying beside me, and opening it I pull out a small red bracelet with a gold heart charm glistening in the sun as I lay it in front of her.
"I want you to keep that...right now, you are the one that needs the strength of love more than I do...and thank you for giving me enough to finally find the right people in my life. And I promise...I'll be back sooner this time."
I lean down one last time and give a gentle kiss to both the tombstones, then turn to leave. As I reach a good few feet away from the markings, I stop as I feel the soft breeze trying to push through the burning southern air I've come to despise, and I turn back and smile.
"I'll be fine with that, I promise. I think this is exactly what I needed to remember what it's like to be calmed again, the arrogance will go away with time."
Listening to the silence, my smile fades away and I give a soft nod back to Lacey.
"I get that...I won't let these demons take over my mind again. I'm smarter than that, I can do this just fine the old fashioned way."
The wind picks up at that moment and I close my eyes to hold in the tears forming in them. I turn away and run towards my vehicle, hoping Lacey will understand I heard her last remarks. As I unlock the door and sit onto the cushioned seat, I take a heavy breath and open my eyes once again, a small tear falling from my right.
"Deal...for you, deal."
It's a promise I can't even attempt to not keep...she says to fight for what makes Winter Pine what she is now, and that's exactly what Winter Pine will do. So, that solves part of the problem...but what else can I use to take out who I know people will deem unstoppable.
Is it really that difficult to determine, I know what the weakness is...I've pointed it out for so long. Sorry, but the broken record has one more repeat to go before it cracks in half.
Meeting, in a sense, with Lacey really helped clear my head a bit more than I imagined. There's a peace just sitting in silence with someone that was your best friend...even if she is dead, she still means more to me than most people. Plus, I feel more able to vent out myself when I'm with her. Not only that, I still feel like I can hear her when we speak. I know what she's trying to say to me in spirit, and I know she believes in what I can do. Being someone who is used to being called a horrible monster by anyone, I don't get a friend to tell me that much anymore. It lights a new fire in me, made of old flames though, and I need to make sure Winter combines every flame and turns it into a roaring fire that will consume this company to it's highest peak...and that's exactly what I get to do at Breakthrough.
*RECORDING
For now though, unlike the usual past few times I've met this camera, I now find myself in a new domain. A more relaxed one, the gray stone walls shadowed by darkness now replaced by a deep blue that shows through the room thanks to the swinging bulbs on the ceiling. The shadows of the objects inside the smaller, new domain dance with the motion, a wooden rocking chair holding my own body up as the shadows combine to form a very interesting looking beast, something that if you saw it could be mistaken that close to your eye to being some sort of demonic cat-like creature. New scenery or not, though, I still bare the tattered black attire I've come to cherish, and I smile softly towards the camera in front of me as I look into it's glistening lens.
"My children, I come today to embark on a new form of message that I never thought I'd go to again. The past few weeks, you've gotten a glimpse into the mind of a woman who let an ego trip blind her senses and make her believe she was an invincible being. The fact of it all was she legitimately thought herself to be higher than all of you, yet when the chips were laid down she never delivered a single damn thing she preached. Yet she kept talking, over and over she said the same things, she promised the same conquering feats, and she continued to fall. That same woman...is the person you see now as World Visionary Champion."
I chuckle a bit as I rock slowly in the chair, running a finger over my left arm and scratching at the skin as I turn my attention towards the action.
"To be fair, that same kind of thing she was guilty of, I take on very similar aspects. I fully admit...I'm no God and I am not unstoppable. I can be beaten, and I've been embarrassed a lot recently by my failures to not only hold up myself as a competitor, but the inability to hold my own words up. My messages have yet to ring true, and it's to a point I had to get set back at Heatstroke to finally realize this isn't what I am. Winter Pine isn't someone meant to make broken promises to you people, she isn't meant to be above and beyond herself in her own mind. She has succeeded in her life by doing what she knows she can do, not pushing to do things she thinks are possible."
Raising my finger off my skin and to my face, I smirk and flick off a bit of dust I assume to be on my finger and then bite at my nail for a few moments.
"With that in mind, why on earth would this weakened woman who for the past several weeks has proclaimed immortality and greatness, only to fail time and time again...what does she even think possible against someone who beat the so-called unbeatable at Heatstroke. The same woman who has now cracked the shining gem that represented the power of The Orphanage for so long, and she has taken the pieces that are most valuable and now wears it around her waist and holds the pinnacle of VoW. Emma, you did what I thought was unthinkable, to finally beat Casanova English. Albeit, the way the match went there at the end was questionable on every account, not just on your end but even on the end of this family. But you won, you hold the World Championship and for that I said what I said on social media and meant it...I respect anyone that can hold that."
Slowly rising to my feet, I take hold of the camera and hold it close to my face as I move over to my left where on that dark blue wall hangs a picture of Emma standing tall with the World Visionary Championship.
"It's that kind of glory anyone in this business dreams of, to reach that mountain top and claim their place on the throne. Yet, I sat back, I said I didn't want that glory, I didn't want that power...but why, I talked so highly of being a God, yet I wanted nothing with the top prize this company has? Well, yes and no. I certainly wanted and still want to be the champion of the Visionaries, but the fact continues to remain...I'm not ready and I know that. I see so many people in this business rush for that ultimate prize, and yet each time they fail and they have to end up saying 'I wasn't good enough." Why should I make that an option for myself, knowing I could do so much more before I went after that prize, why rush into a fight I can't win. Not only that, at times yes I also saw my obligation to this family and The Orphanage. I couldn't challenge Cas, could I? I couldn't hurt my leader, or at least...who you all see as the leader."
Taking hold of the picture, I pull it off the wall and throw is as hard as possible away from me, the loud thud against the opposite wall and the breaking of glass heard out of view from the camera...while in the picture's place on the wall is of another, that of the Orphanage as it is had been with Cas, Matthew, and I standing tall over the Visionary ring during a match several events in the past.
"The Orphanage is more than who leads, it's who fights on while everyone else casts hurtful eyes towards us. We are a package deal, not a jar of pennies with one silver dollar in the middle making our worth a little more. But, it certainly seems that way and I don't falt anyone for that assumption. Now though, it's just obvious, our guy who was that top of the mountain has fallen from the throne, and now the animalistically psychological demon that is this woman you see before you is now to be put against the new top dog. And what am I to do, to beat the best takes a lot, and I've fallen to you Emma many a time. What in God's name do I do different that will matter fuck all?"
My smile slowly shows itself through my hair which has fallen over my face as I glance back from the picture to the camera.
"I must be the family by which I represent, but I don't make this a war. No, my point is to send a message to the world. I am gonna bring a fight at Breakthrough 50, and I will attempt to win just like always. I'll fight my damn hardest, and I might fail because honestly that's been the trend for Winter Pine recently. But, I need to start reminding people of who I am, and who I am with. You see, I've said this a lot to you Emma, and I've been a broken record each time I've said this to you or anyone else in your Horsewomen faction or whatever...there is no Chaos in your group, there is no threat to your words. It was only until recently you girls even did anything worth a shit, and you finally won your prize and for that congratulations. I respect that victory, but I still don't respect the fact you think you are doing this company good."
The smile fades once more, the glare in my eyes growing in prominence on my face as I hold onto the lens with both hands and breathe softly onto it, fogging it up for a moment but making my face look much more ominous.
"The Orphanage has not been the establishment, yet you made it seem that way several times in the past. Yet we are the ones who have gone against the norm here in this company, we have been the ones telling management we run by our own rules and judgement. We go against the grain, we were born this way as the outcasts of this god forsaken world and company, whether we be the woman constantly betrayed by her family and friends, a legend of this business who disappears after his glory and no one gives a single damn about his worth anymore because he decides to be a little more than the spotlight and when he does want that spotlight is seen as too high and mighty, a fearless former politician and reporter who is just fighting off negative criticism every moment of his life. We have lived against the grain every damn day, and meanwhile Emma...you have become your own enemy in all this."
I slowly pull one hand from the camera, pointing out my finger and wagging it slowly to the lens.
"The sister of chaos, the woman of death...the moment she won the title and held her celebration with her sisters. In that very moment, Emma...you no longer were for your cause. You were just like any typical Visionary that ever won that championship. One in the same with the fan. One in the same...with...the status quo. Let's look at the facts, sure I've said you've had no chaos here, but why would you want chaos when you act of that nature? A theory on that by which you run your life by states everything is already in that state of being, yet you and your little girls have come in and tried to put in your own set of order and law, thus defying the very thing you know to be true. But then again, you have failed a lot in the past, so in a weird way you have kept the chaos going. But we have kept on, and we fight the establishment. We are the true martyrs of change...the establishment though..."
At that moment I slam the camera onto the wall, messing with the footage for a moment as it goes fuzzy, but finally returns to a clear as I go to an angrier tone, my hair covering my face some but still able to show my glowing eyes through the black forest...and that finger, pointing directly into view.
"By your own definition Emma...it's you. You are that pinnacle, you are the control, you have the emerald of power...by becoming the champion, you are the exact thing you have tried to have your 'chaos' combat against. YOU are...the establishment."
I turn back around and lay my back against the wall, sliding all the way to the ground and moving my hair away from my eyes, conjuring up my continuation.
"We as a family were superior not by what we held, but by who we supposedly marked the wrong way. The fans were so thrilled to see the mighty Casanova fall to you, they cheered you as the hero you never were meant to be. By being their hero, you fought against your own thinking of unleashing a devil, producing death to our power. You got into the path that you have set yourself up in all this time to destroy. Meanwhile we have prevailed, we have that ticking time bomb off us for now, and the people you claim are the scum have reinvented the order which you said you were meant to reinvent. Now, your 'chaos' is a placeholder for the new beginning, the next Orphan in line. And you know, a funny thing is something you have spoken of before Emma..."
I raise my hand back up with an open palm and smile once more.
"As agents of Chaos, that Chaos itself could wipe them out."
As I say the last of that sentence, I grip my hand quickly into a fist and a very strange black powder substance leaks from my grip, my smile growing more sinister as I open my palm back up and blow the rest of the powder from my grasp.
"It's fate...it's fucking fate Emma, I am that which turns the Chaos to my favor and eliminates you for good. The next Orphan up, she's right here, she is ready to give her everything to combat you. This is a situation where it's nothing to lose, everything to gain, I get a chance to be what I have dreamed about my whole career...I can be worth something for once in this company. But the funny thing...if I did the unthinkable, if I took the beast's head off, what of the body? Your sweet Joanna has beaten me before, and greed can come from chaos, it's just how we live already. If I take you down, if I make myself look even closely good against you...I set up your whole foundation, your love, your power, your energy that fills you...it'll all burn to the ground and you'll ask why they turned on you. Greed will fill them and it will be because of me, it will be because I did enough to you. And that's what makes this perfect, nothing to lose, no matter what...I...WILL...GAIN! Chaos...eliminates...Chaos. It's without question, I have you backed up in your own corner, the one you said you'd have us all backed against, your sisters...will only become our allies in time. The real chaos is right here, Emma. It never was your doing, we have kept that anti-establishment standard all this time, and you were the ones going with the status quo."
I fall back further and finally am laid out onto the floor, my hair sprawled around me and my evil smile brightly shining into the camera with confidence.
"Emma Carlisle, I'll see you at Breakthrough and I will enjoy this little contest of wrestling ability. This isn't about me...this isn't about rectifying and getting vengeance...this isn't even about me finding who I am anymore. I'm Winter Pine, sister of The Orphanage, and it's high time the world knows what we are now that the target is off us. This is only the beginning of things to come for you Emma...the world is crashing down on you, and you won't be able to stop what's next. I'm sorry I have to be the first crack in your shield. Sweet dreams, and just a little sidenote...I'll be sure to give your little prissy ponies a nice new home at the glue factory once I'm finished with you. Better to take your pets away before your soul gets too broken by this company."
I chuckle one last time and slam the camera to the ground, shutting it off and looking up to the white ceiling, thinking to myself...I really hope Lacey was proud, I really hope I understood her message. I think I now know where Winter Pine must go in VoW, but does VoW have the path that will handle my power the best? Only time will tell, but for now, I prepare my body, the words have pierced their way into the Horsewoman of Death.
Next one up...The Orphanage will never stay down.
