Marriage Counselling (Week 1):Two Zhong’s Don’t Make A Right

According to my wife, I’m vain, obnoxious, pathetic, and a waste of space. She’s probably right, but that doesn’t stop me defending myself and telling her that she’s wrong. When you’re married everything becomes a contest and backing down is not an option, unless you really have to. You’re always right and you always want to win the arguments. As sad as it sounds, getting the better of your other half in an argument makes your day.

My wife, Ling and I argue constantly; that’s if I’m around. I travel often; that’s what comes with being a professional wrestler. Ling can’t handle being alone for so long but she needs to find hobbies and interests that occupy her mind, because quite frankly, she’s doing my head in. After a few days away, I return home to a nagging, irritating, repetitive, dull-toned wife. I’m not greeted with a happy smile, kiss and a cuddle or possible blowy like other lucky husbands; no, I get that run down, moody look with the sighs and grunts and the rude comments, or possibly even the silent treatment. We’re at that stage now where we simply can’t stand each other. We agreed to a lifetime commitment five years ago yet this has been happening ever since we arrived in America, roughly halfway through our marriage. Life was good before we settled down in New York City.

We met when we were 6 years old at our local school in the city of Beijing, China. Growing up in such a highly populated city wasn’t easy, but it had its advantages. Ling was my soul mate and we were always together because our families were close friends, and also neighbours. When I was 11 years old my parents died in a horrific car crash and I went to live with my uncle in London, England. I lost contact with Ling and as I got older and I chose not to search for her as thinking of her only brought back bad memories of the crash.

There was no contact with Ling until I was 18 when I returned to Beijing for the first time since the crash to attend an old friend’s birthday party. I did think of Ling on the flight over but I didn’t expect her to be there when I turned up, but there she was, looking so beautiful in that silky red dress. Ling and I rekindled our friendship but being much older we realised it was more than friendship that we wanted. We spent the next few weeks getting close again but this time it was different. We were not playing with skipping ropes or playing hide and seek or harmless, friendly child fun; this time it was real adult love.

I left Ling in Beijing once again as I had to return home in England. After frequent travelling between London and Beijing for both of us, Ling decided to pack her bags and move to London with me in my new apartment, just down the road from my uncle. Tye, my uncle, brought me up well and was like a father to me, but no one could replace my real father. Tye is a decent man and he was happy for me to have my own place, although suggested that I stay near him as it was my first place on my own. With Ling being indecisive of what she wanted to do in life, I asked her to come to England and she accepted. I told her my goals in life regarding wrestling and she was so happy to follow my dream with me.

I trained hard in England before realising that I could get nowhere near as far as I wanted to go in the wrestling world unless I moved to America. We soon married, with Uncle Tye being my best man, and he went on to give me his blessing to move to America to complete my wrestling training and further my career. Ling and I decided to move to America to fulfil my dreams of becoming a wrestler in a top notch company and times were exciting. My wife and I were soon on a one way trip to New York City where we currently reside today.

Training was soon completed and I joined XWA where I have spent the past year. After a successful stint there, I was made aware of an up and coming, potentially top notch fed in Visionaries of Wrestling. I applied and after being accepted I felt that I had climbed that last step of the ladder to make my dream come true. I was already planning my next ladder to climb but I didn’t want to get ahead of myself.

The bottom line was that Ling had no family or friends in America, but neither did I. I had my job, but she moved to England to be with me and then on to America to be by my side to fulfil my dream of becoming a professional wrestler. All Ling seems to do is give me grief every time I return home these days. There wasn’t much I could do for her. She chose this option. I can’t drag her from city to city for each wrestling event; what’s the point of having a home? I understand that my wife’s family are half way across the world, but she’s not the only one with relatives abroad. At least Ling has family that is still alive. I miss my uncle of course, but I miss my parents more and I will never get to see them again.

Throughout my training and my time in XWA, life was not good. I had Ling in my ear each day telling me that I only care about myself. One day, only recently, I returned home and Ling stormed towards me like a woman on a mission. She flung a leaflet in my direction and I just caught it before it fell from my grasp. She hadn’t even let me put my bags down or shut the door behind me. I was about to tell her my good news about being accepted into VOW but that was obviously going to have to wait.

‘Is Marriage Counselling For You?’

I looked at the leaflet and then back to my miserable wife. I did the same thing three times before any words came out. “Is this some kind of joke?” I asked. Ling went on to explain her reasons and claimed that our relationship matched those that were in trouble and needed help. It took me a few days to give my consent, but eventually, I gave in and Ling booked us in for a course of weekly sessions. My one and only stipulation was that they fit it around my wrestling schedule and if I couldn’t make it one week then we could easily reschedule for a different date. Both Ling and our new marriage counsellor agreed.

I was all set and raring to go in VOW, and Ling and I was all set and, erm… nervously awaiting our marriage counselling sessions. We were in for some changes, that’s for sure.

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Ling and I entered Mrs Covenhorn’s room and was greeted with a welcoming smile.

“You must be the Zhong’s,”she said, rhetorically.

Mrs Covenhorn was in her late 40s, early 50s and you could tell at first sight that she was a warm, kind and friendly woman. You just got that vibe when you know that a person is genuine. Dressed in a tight blue and red flower styled dress, about 5’7, with massive knockers, she stood up out of her green leather padded wooden chair and met us both with a handshake by the door.

“Come in, come in,” she said, before pushing the door closed behind us. “Thank you for coming today. Take a seat and we’ll get started.”

“Thank you very much,” I replied. My wife wasn’t going to say anything; she barely puts two words together.

This seat that we now found ourselves on would become a big part of our life over the coming weeks. A bench type seat that matched the style of our marriage counsellor, Mrs Covenhorn’s seat. There was enough space for my wife up one end and me the other end with breathing space in the middle. Ling’s idea of marriage counselling baffled me at first, but she pestered beyond annoyance and I ended up given in just to shut her up; something other husband’s can relate to. Here we were, sat in a room with a stranger who would help us find out whether our marriage was worth fighting for or if divorce was on the cards.

Looking down at the piece of paper on her clipboard, Mrs Covenhorn began the session. “So, who do we have here then? Ling and Z--”.

“It’s Ziu,” I said rather briskly. I got this all the time with my name. I would rather interrupt people immediately than let them embarrass themselves trying to guess the pronunciation of my name. “It’s Ziu; pronounced Zi. Like tie but a Z instead of the T. Or like that singer from Korea who sang gangnam style; you know, Psy but with a Z.”

“I understand, Ziu,” Mrs Covenhorn replied with whilst laughing. My unimpressed, and probably embarrassed wife rolled her eyes. Mrs Covenhorn continued whilst smiling. “Nice way to describe it. My name is Julie and over the next few weeks we will hopefully solve a few problems that you’re having and make you realise why you’re together and what you can do to make your marriage work.”

“Yes, make him good husband,” Ling said rather promptly in her quiet, Chinese tone. She often spoke out of the blue. Ling is a traditional, Chinese woman. Petite, dark coloured hair down past her shoulders, and generally quiet.

“Ok, Ling. We will get onto these problems that you have with your husband and vice-versa. Let’s try and keep calm and no interrupting each other and we will get there in the end.”

We had barely been in the room a minute and Ling was starting. She’s generally a quiet person but also argumentative and surprises you from time to time. Like this marriage counselling for example. I would never have believed she would be up for something as serious as this, however, I was wrong. Maybe I didn’t know my own wife as well as I had thought.

Julie Covenhorn, with light brown hair down to her shoulders, cleared her throat and folded her arms with the clipboard now safely nestled under her double FF’s.

“Let’s start with you, Ziu. My notes say that it was Ling’s idea for you both to be here today. Why do you think Ling suggested marriage counselling?” Julie was sitting comfortably on her chair, but was now lent forward and was focused on my answer to her question. She reminded me of a school teacher. I had a quick thought about how I wouldn’t mind being her clipboard right now, so close to her chest, then remembered why I was sat here in front of her, with my WIFE.
“I, er…I…” she caught me off guard. I didn’t expect to be thrown in at the deep end so quickly, and I still had her double FF’s on my mind. They were hard to miss.

“I think...I think that because I’m away from the house for large periods of time, she feels lonely and when I’m home all she wants to do is argue and I think it’s because that I’m away that causes these arguments. It’s my job, though, I’m a wrestler, and I get home as often as I can.” This was a lie. Sometimes in married life you stay out as long as possible just to avoid your nagging, exhausting wife, and this was me quite often than not. I give the old excuses like ‘I need to train harder this week’ or ‘got a behind the scenes fight today’ or ‘overloaded with interviews’. She believes them all and it works. Don’t get me wrong, I love Ling, but why would I want to come home to that nauseating, boring voice in my ear? Moan, moan, moan. I’d rather spend that time training harder to become a better wrestler or chilling by myself.

“You wrong Mr. You come home, show no love for wife. You bad husband. You bad man.” Ling was angry. Even when her temper is on show, she always sits in the same upright position. Her spine must be 100% straight. For the most important years of my life, teenage years, I grew up in England so it’s a first language to me. Ling didn’t leave China until she was 18 and by then you’ve already learned your main language. She’s picked up the main lingo in England and America, but generally she does struggle.

Ling pointed her right index finger towards my face as she complained about me being a bad man. I wanted to bite it off and watch her cry but I held back for obvious reasons. Mrs Covenhorn looked on and made notes.

“Me bring home money to cloth and feed you” I replied, sarcastically. She hates it when I take the mickey out of her voice. I’m Chinese myself, which makes it harmless banter. Ling struggles with sentences, and it’s hard not to pick on her for it. I love getting under her skin. I love getting in her skin too, but there hasn’t been much of that naughty stuff recently.

“You pig. Me do everything me can help us. You come home, don’t won speak to wife. Me upset that husband don’t show wife tension.” Ling began to cry and although it was genuine, I believed she was trying her utmost to get Julie on her side. I must admit, though, she does sound cute with her Chinese tone, trying to say words like attention and saying tension instead.

Julie looked on intently. “Calm down, Ling; would you like a tissue?” Ling pulled a pack of tissues out of her back pocket, cancelling out Julie’s offer without having to say a word.

My chance to speak. “Ling, every time I’m home you want to argue with me. You never smile, you never ask how my time away has been and it’s not nice to come home to a moaning wife. You always hold grudges too.”

“You wrestle this, wrestle that. When TV on, wrestle is on. When radio is on, wrestle is on. Job - wrestle. Always wrestle, wrestle, wrestle!” [Sniff, sniff]. Fighting back the tears, Ling continued. “You love wrestle but no love wife.”

“That’s not true, Ling.”

“Yes true.” Ling looked up at Julie and spoke directly at her as if I wasn’t in the room. “He even gets wrestle cereal special delivered from China. He love wrestle, no love wife.”

“Oh f*** off, Ling. Go eat some noodles or something.” I was fuming. If she wants to bring up my love of wrestling cereal that I get specially delivered from Beijing, well I can bring her up on her obsession with noodles. Wrestling cereal means a lot to me. My parents gave it to me every morning without fail. Little Hulk Hogan’s and Bret Hart’s competing in my mouth in a tag team match with The Rock and Stone Cold Steve Austin. Wrestlers I looked up to growing up. You can’t beat it.

“Ok, ok guys,” said Julie.

Julie was shocked at my comment but she didn’t need to say anything to calm me down; I could just tell by her expression that I overstepped the mark. But seriously, what is Ling playing at? Why are we even here? I don’t need to spend my free time talking to some stranger about our problems. We’re not even speaking to her, we just doing what we do at home; arguing, just this time we have a guest.

“I don’t need this,” I said, exhaustingly. “You know that I have a massive match this week what with it being my debut in my new company. This is my career, and finally a chance for me to prove myself in a big company. I don’t need you jeopardizing this for me.”

“See, Julie! He talk wrestle 24-7. He bad man. He no husband. He shoe marry wrestle and no me.”

“HE has a name,” I replied, quite angrily. “Why are you putting me through this stress? Now of all times. Do you not realise how big this week is for me? First impressions are everything, and after a year in XWA and dealing with those traitors Li and Wang, this is a chance for me to settle down and give it a right go in the wrestling industry.”

“You shoe further marriage skills no further career.” Ling pointed her finger at me again. The urge to bite it off came marching back into my head.

“I should never have come here today. We should have done this either months ago or months down the line.”
“May no be many months left,” Ling whispered, but we all heard it.

Julie looked at me and pulled a face as if to say ‘she has a point’. I opened my mouth to speak but gave up and let out a big sigh instead. Ling blew her nose in the tissue and Julie carried on observing our relationship. I felt like I needed to put my mature head on.

“Ok, I’m sorry.” I turned to my snotty, teary eyed wife and felt somewhat sad for a moment. “I’ll try being more considerate but it’s not all my fault, Ling. This is a joint problem we have here.”

“Me knows.”

“There you go; we’re getting somewhere, guys. This is brilliant for the first session.” Julie smiled at us both and Ling looked up at me. I held her hand and we both turned to Julie who continued to speak.

“This is what it’s all about guys. Both of you discussing and solving your problems. Compromise is key. This is just the first week and over the course of the sessions there will be many more tears, even more anger and arguing, but eventually, I’m confident that we will have a happy outcome.”

Julie let us have a few seconds to chill and wet our dry throats, and then we continued.

“So, Ling, tell me in depth about what you’re unhappy about.” I released Ling’s hand softly and swallowed hard. I could see this getting nasty. I suppose I would have to get used to these up and down meetings. We have to go through the rocky truths before we get to the happy ending.

Ling looked up at me and then back down at her lap. “When met he great man who love and care me. We have good time and no bad time. We know together for long time and always kind man treat woman good. Then he wrestle and he changed man. He put wife second. No, he put wife third. He on phone and camera all day, all night. He selfie crazy.”

This bitch had better stop before I give her the ‘back to the future’, also known as ‘slap-fest’, one of my signature moves. Ok, I’m just playing. I’m not a heartless fiend who beats and kills his wife and ends up in jail. I care about my wife; I just don’t have much time to show her.

Ling held both of her hands up in front of face, pretending she had a phone or camera in her hands. “Snap, snap. Snap, snap. Husband selfie mad. More vain than model. Husband wrestle mad, husband selfie mad, husband not wife mad no more.”

“I’m Mr. Selfie; that’s who I am. It’s my character,” I said rather proudly. Julie gave me a confused look as if I was absolutely crazy. I continued, “Mr Selfie is my nickname. I’m an avid fan of taking a picture of myself with others so it’s become my nickname in the wrestling world. It’s not me being obsessed with myself. I enjoy it and taking a good selfie is a wonderful feeling. Nine times out of ten I include other people in my photos so it’s not about me”. I was obviously lying. Have you seen this face? If I weren’t a wrestler I would clearly be a famous model. My fans love my selfies. They don’t care who’s in the background, they care about the guy taking the picture – me.

“Oh, I see. It’s a part of your job,” Julie realised.

“He bring work home,” shot back Ling, my annoying wife. “He wrestle and selfie at work and wrestle and selfie at home. No room for wife.”

Was Ling right (for once in her life) by saying that due to my love for wrestling and selfies that I have ignored her and pushed her down the pecking order for my attention. I felt quite bad for my wife and how I had treated her. I joke about the pain of marriage but at the end of the day, I do love and care for my wife. I’m surprised it’s lasted this long for us to do something about our problems, but here we are, 5 years down the line, 20 years if you count when we first met, and asking a stranger to correct our marriage. We needed help, I realise that now. Ling had sent us on the right path.

Julie looked at me in the eyes and I could tell that she was about to tell me something smart.

“Ziu, maybe you should listen to your wife more and involve her in the things you do. Occasionally take her with you when you travel, and take her out for meals. Ling is at home all the time whilst you’re away and deserves to be taken out when you have time.” Julie turned to Ling and I was pleased she had moved on. “Ling, maybe you should ask Ziu how his day went instead of being so angry about his long periods away. You married him knowing the career he had chosen, right?”

Ling nodded.

“I know you find it tough in a different country, but you can make it work. There’s other people just like you around here and if you can find a hobby of some sort it will take your mind off waiting and worrying about your husband. You need to realise that you have your own life and Ziu has a life too, and his mean that he travels a lot. When he gets home, make the most of the time you get together.” Julie was now looking at us both as a couple. “Spend more time together guys, life’s too short.”

“You’re right, Julie.” I said. “I love my wrestling and I love taking selfies on my camera, but I love my wife most.”

Ling looked up at me and smiled. She looked beautiful. I had a flashback from Xhang’s 18th birthday party and she looks just as pretty now as she did back then. I had to find a way to fit Wrestling, selfies and my wife all in to my life without causing any problems. I smiled back at my gorgeous wife and we held hands again.

“I love you too,” Ling whispered back. I call it a whisper but it’s her normal, soft tone. It only rises when she’s angry.

Julie looked pleased with herself. We had improved a fair amount already but we all knew that there was a long way to go. Maybe this marriage counselling was going to be ok after all.

Julie said, with a pleased smile beaming across her face, “shall we call it a day there?”

“Yeah, sure,” I replied.

“As you know, over time we will also do one on one sessions just so I can speak to you both alone and with no interruptions from the other half. It’s not a secret, unless you want it to be; it’s simply so that I can get your side of the story and anything you want to say to me without your partner’s comments. We’ll hopefully do this in the next session. Right, now get home and spend some time together. Oh, and good luck in your new job, Ziu.”

“Thank you, Julie!”

It was nice to finish up on a good note. When you see marriage counselling in films one of the couples always storms out of the room. We had survived our first session with minor arguments, and I was glad. I took Ling home and we spent the night together just like Julie had suggested. We had a nice home cooked meal followed by a film. It’s funny because we were at each other’s throats this morning and I would also be at Ling’s throat again tonight but in a completely different way. I was going to make up for months of no fun beneath the sheets.

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Every married couple goes through rough times, and they’re confronted with a choice of two options; attempt to correct your problems and make the marriage work, or give up. Ling and I had decided that it was time to go and see someone who could help us with our problems. I didn’t see what talking to a stranger would do to help us, but I was wrong. It was something Ling wanted to do and I’m glad we did now as all I can here is Julie’s words of encouragement and helpfulness. Just Julie’s presence and guidance in the meeting was enough to help us start talking properly again. Two wrongs may not make a right, but Ling and I were hoping to prove that two Zhong’s DO make a right.

We had started on the road to recovery. I had to make a few detours along the way; first Breakthrough, then Heatstroke, and so on, but once we got to the end of the road we could be pleased with ourselves for deciding to give it a right go and not give up. As Ling and I came to a halt at the breakthrough path, I would leave her here at the junction until our next counselling session, and I would head down a dark, mysterious, muddy side road. It was certainly unknown territory, but I was ready and up for the challenge ahead.

Breakthrough was within touching distance and the people I would meet at the dead end; Patrick Jones, Death and Judas Dathan were all about to feel my anger. 15 years of anger. I had never let the pain out that was caused from losing my parents at such a young age. It’s probably why I’m such a bad husband to Ling most of the time. Yes, I admit that I’m a bad husband, but don’t tell Ling that or I’ll never hear the end of it.

As I left New York City on a plane to Saint Cloud Regional Airport, I could feel the adrenaline and excitement running through my body for my debut match on Wednesday night. I got comfortable in my seat as we reached the skies and I searched my inside pocket for my most valuable possession; a selfie of my mother and father. They took the picture the day they handed me a polaroid camera for my 11th birthday – a week before they died.

I smiled at the selfie and looked out through the clouds, pulling the picture closer to my lips and kissed it.

Mother…




Father…




…this debut win is for you.