Off With My Head

VOW Presents

A Casanova English

Off With My Head?!

"I don't care if I fall, as long as someone picks up my gun and keeps shooting."

-Che-

I don't even need the photograph to
have it etched in my mind, but sometimes I look at it anyway. I have
been wrestling with this demon for too long. As long as I have been
in that physical ring, I have manufactured one in my head. I live
there, and I fight there just as much as I do in VOW. I have focused
on one simple thing for for too long, and now there is nothing to do,
but let it go.

Easier said then done.

I like to take this shortcut on the way
home. It is an alley way, sometimes in the alley you see a bum who
has taken refuge. There has been one here for the past few days, I
took the liberty of observing him. I watched as he hunted a rat for
an hour simply because he didn't know where his next meal was coming
from. Normal people don't have that drive, they have lived too
comfortable. I walk past him as he sleeps, his long beard sticking
out from underneath a piece of heavy duty rug. I walk the two flights
of stairs to my apartment. A cigarette dangles from my mouth as I
push the door open. I take a long drag off my cigarette, so long you
can hear the crackling of the tobacco as it burns away with an
unfamiliar aggression. I spotted it. The photo on the table that I
can't seem to put away. I walk over slowly as I ash my cancer stick.
Holding the photo up I squint my eyes.

Sometimes I wish I let my uncle pull
the trigger. I wish I let him blast his head off like a gory fucking
firework, and maybe I wouldn't be so messed up. Maybe I would get in
my compact little car and drive to my cubical like the rest of the
fools chasing the great vivid American dream. I remember when the
doctor asked me. I didn't know what to say. My uncle had slipped into
a coma by now, life support was the only thing keeping the blood
pumping around his now fragile body.

I watched it all. I watched a man die.
My family was unable to stomach it, they stopped visiting a long time
ago. Maybe I shouldn't hold resentment. I understand how much it hurt
his wife to enter a room and him not know who she was. They cooked
meals together, they raised a family together, they fucked. The last
thing he said to me was a succession of monotone grunts. I know, I
shouldn't blame them for not coming. I should stop dwelling in this
moment, but it is so hard.

Death stains these hands. The doctor
asked me like he was asking if it was raining outside.

“Son,”

He said to me, and I remember snapping
him a glare that I wasn't accustom to at the time, but I have grown
to embrace these days. He was mid-way to my shoulder with his hand,
but he stopped fearful that I may bite like a furious dog guarding
his owner.

“your Uncle has been in this
condition for a month and a half. With this disease this is the
bottom of the barrel. I am sorry, but you are going to have to come
to a decision to keep him alive, or to pull the plug. “

I was surprisingly calm about it. I was
always a calm person. I knew that this day was coming, and it did eat
at my core, but I was tired. I was just as tired as he was. In a way
those months I spent in the hospital parts of me died along with him.

“Should I get the family together to
make the decision?”

I asked looking back at my Uncle, the
machine beeping mimicking a slow heart beat.

“No, that doesn't necessarily have to
happen.”

He held the paper down beside me, and
on the page the only name it needed for authorization was mine. All I
could think about was that selfish thought, I should of let him do
it. Maybe, this was his revenge. Maybe, he knew I was the only one
strong enough to do it, and maybe that is why he wanted to kill
himself that night. Maybe, he didn't want this burden on someone's
shoulders. There I was with my finger on the trigger, There I was
having to look into his eyes. There I was becoming a man. . .

. . .and it made me more then anything.

I thought that I would get over this. I
thought that coming back to the ring would push these thoughts from
my mind, but something happened at Breakthrough that brought it out
even more. Rayne she had to stick her nose where it doesn’t belong.
Sent by the very people that move the gears of this federation no
doubt. Regardless I will squash her. That's what has been bothering
me lately this notion of family. Something that I destroyed with the
pull of a plug. It was the ripple effect. I was angry that they
stopped coming, stopped seeing him. I was angry that I had to watch
him die all alone. I was angry that I couldn't sleep at night, that
the face that once brought light to my life only resembled darkness
and death now. I could see it in their eyes too, well mostly my
brothers. It was like after my Uncle died his soul got darker too, he
looked at me like I was a killer. . . and I felt like one. Would I
change anything though? Would I relive it knowing my destiny? Knowing
I was born to lead a rebellion?

Every single second.

I lost everything in a split second,
and at the same moment I gained the ability to rebuild into what I
need to be. I found enlightenment.

I hold that picture up, the last time
that we were all happy. Me, my brother, my uncle, my aunt, and my
mother all sitting around a dinner table enjoying a meal. That was
the last, and one of the only times we were all truly happy together.
Even Achilles had a weakness. I put the photo back down on the
kitchen table. I slam my cigarette down beside the picture putting it
out. My apartment smells stale, I haven't left it in days. That walk
did be good.

I have been swimming in my own mind, I
have been planning. I have been building. The first shots of war were
fired at Breakthrough and they were not mine. That was between me and
Vanessa, now it's bigger then that. . . much, much bigger. It made
something clear to me. . . I need soldiers, I need my own family. I
may have lost one. . . but I can build one from the ground up. I am
not afraid to admit I failed before with my first pupil blowing
himself up like a Taliban, but this time has to be different. I let
the past set me back far too often. It is time I build toward the
future.

Family, something I lost. Something I
didn't have the privilege to enjoy. Something that seems to run so
deep in the foundations of this federation. The sisters, Vanessa,
Rayne, Serra, Cera, the marriage connection between Ryan and Rayne.
It is all too picture perfect. . . well despite the occasional mishap
with the wolf of the pack Cera. That idea of family, the way they
protect each other. The way that Rayne put herself in harms way for
her sister, it is something I don't have.

They pushed it in my face whether they
meant to or not. Now is it time to put The Revolution in over drive.
They want to bring their family into this and I will hunt, I will
smear every one of them from VOW. I will make them watch as I burn
this place to the ground along with their dreams, their freedom,
everything they ever were.

I will rebuild them though.

Only after complete destruction can we
rise. Only after every idea we have ever known has been shattered can
be begin to process our own. I have a plan. I always have a plan. I
always anticipate, I always manipulate. This time is no different.

I am still ten steps ahead.

I had to wait till dark to execute my
plan, but it was fairly easy. I planned really carefully for this. I
couldn't make the same mistake twice. There was is a big difference
this time. It will all be more clear to him after this promo.

“I need complete silence for this. It
will make more sense.”

The room is dark, but I pull a chain on
a light that hangs above me. It gives the effect that I am in the
spotlight. I flick the camera on as it stands tall atop a tripod.

“Well things got a little interesting
at Breakthrough didn’t they? RDO made her return to the ring. What
turmoil could this spell for your valiant hero you might be asking?
Well Rayne I'm not afraid. Did you see what I did to Star? Does that
eat away at you knowing that you couldn't help him, you couldn't save
him from me? See Rayne you allowed Vanessa to be spared last week,
but this week it is her and I one on one. This is what I have been
waiting for. It wasn't enough for me to pin Shane Sparx last week,
that proves nothing to me. It has to be Vanessa's shoulders to the
mat. I have to prove without a shadow of a doubt that that loss was a
fluke, and I will. This week you will truly feel the wrath of
Casanova. It is a whole different atmosphere when it is just me and
my opponent. It is like the air's thinner. I saw it in every person's
eyes before you Jarek, Knight, Star, Staler, Bobby, Serra. . . I saw
that split second of self doubt, that split second of realization
that they aren't invincible.”

I smile wide at the camera.

“You are a special project for me
though V. There is something that draws me to you. The fact that you
are all screwed up in the head really draws me to you. I know what it
is like to have a dark side, have a side of me that I can't hide. It
was how I lived before I was enlightenment. I realize that the only
way to survive was to give into the darkness. You have to see the
world for what it truly is no matter how dark it may seem. Otherwise
you are living a lie and it all begins inside yourself Vanessa. You
have this fight in you that I can't help but admire, but in order for
you to truly embrace it I have to beat you down. I have to break you.
I have to push you to the limit, I have to reveal to you your true
potential. RDO won't be there to save you this week Vanessa. This
week I will be your savior.”

“The Queen, the one part of you that
should be calling the shots. I don't think I saw that side of you
last week Vanessa. I don't think The Queen came to play. It sure
didn't seem like she was there when I dragged you limp body across
the ring. You need her to come out. You need her to embrace the
savage nature that flows though your veins. You may think it is a
burden, but it is your greatest strength. This week I will show you
who you really are V. This week I will push you to your limits. I
will bring you places you have never been before. I will help you
find yourself. I want to see the darkest parts of you. I want you to
think about what I was going
to do to that beautiful body before RDO stopped me. I want you to
bring everything you have. I think I deserve it! I think I earned it!
I'll make sure I give that pretty little mind of yours a violent
stimulation.”

I
point to my temple hard smiling and laughing slightly.

“Then
The Queen will come, then she will attempt to rid VOW of it's
Messiah. It goes one of two ways after that. Either I beat you, I pin
you to the mat and I put you in your place. I once again remind VOW
and the powers that be that I am the best this company has to offer,
and it is only a matter of time before I rule this ground. Then there
is the chance that The Queen comes to play, that she has all her
cards in a row and its off with my head.”

“This
is a step in breaking you down into who you where truly meant to be
V. I will once again prove that I am . . .”

“The
Modern Day Messiah.”

I smirk approaching the camera slowly. The spotlight surrounds
me like a radiant yellow aura. Shutting the camera off I let out a
sigh.

“Well
do you understand a little bit of why I brought you here? Do you get
what I am doing here? I am trying to rebuild, it starts with people
and it ends with society. Brick by brick. I have done this before,
but the circumstances were not ideal. He came to me, asked me to help
him, begged for me to show him my way. That ended lets say. . .
messy.”

I grab
the light above my head and shine it on the homeless man I saw
earlier in the alley way. The one I have been observing, my second
experiment. I preach that anyone can become a hero, everyone has some
sort of potential. No matter what that natural potential is we have
to embrace it. The homeless man squints his eyes letting out a grunt,
the chair he is tied to lets out a subsequent squeak.

“You
don't talk much now do you? Either that or the concrete jungle has
you so ruined that you forgot how. Well the street, or this. . ."

I open
the palm of my hand to reveal a small packet of heroin that I found
hidden in the stitching of his rag like blanket. When he sees the
drug he almost shits himself. He begins to drool, he tries to reach
it but can't break his restraints.

“Now.
. . now. This is what I am talking about. Vanessa hides her true
potential, her true animal instincts behind the label of “bi-polar
disorder”. People use those labels to suppress their demons, they
think it is something they should be rid of, an imperfection. I think
The Queen needs to overcome Vanessa for her to truly understand who
she is, and what she was put here to do. You do something a little
different, you use drugs to suppress who you are. You can't embrace
the pain you are in. You use it as a source of pity. I know I have
lived it. . . I have seen this in my mother.”

I
reach out brushing his long hair back, he pulls back from me
recoiling like a pistol.

“I'm
no better though. I am on this journey too. I am rebuilding myself as
I help you with this process. I have these memories. This past that I
can't seem to let go of. I dwell on one incident. If you can know
that a man as strong as me, a man that right now is your master has
his demons as well. . . then you can see we are in this journey
together. Your name . . . your life. . . your addiction. . . you are
none of it. I will rebuild you.”

I pull
the picture from my pocket and hold it up. It is that picture of my
family, the single perfect memory that lingers in my head. . . the
light. . . the idea of hope that hangs in the darkness. If I really
want to start this revolution I need to let this family go. I put my
lighter to the edge of the photograph and let it slowly burn, burning
my mothers face, my brothers, my uncles, my aunts. . . and lastly my
own. I need to let this family go and build a new one.

This
is my contingency plan.

RDO,
and Vanessa will fall. I will build my arms, and Visionaries of
Wrestling . . .the body count will only rise. This won't be war, it
will be genocide.

I
throw my family portrait on the ground letting it burn up as the
homeless man looks to his packet of heroin. We have to let these
things go, we have to let the crutches go. We all need to embrace our
own personal “Queen's”, we need to let the animal out in order to
discover if we are a wolf, or a sheep.