Post by seifer on Jan 29, 2015 18:48:37 GMT -6
People respond differently to people who are grieving. They reach out. But depression is so very isolating. It's hard to explain to anyone who has never been depressed how isolating it is. Grief comes and goes, but depression is unremitting.
Kay Redfield Jamison
The scene unfolds as I am sat on a steel folding chair outside smoking a cigarette and staring at it, wearing a black silk suit it’s a rare time I am seen without my face paint to cover the scars on my face… They tell a story… I take the camera out of my pocket placing it on a tripod next to me pointing it towards me… And I switch it on and pressing record but not looking at the camera, I keep my focus straight ahead…
Seifer: It’s going to be soon, soon enough and I shall be back there in a place that I swore many a year ago that I would ever go again… Being here right now brings back too many memories sat here I stare into the face of my past with a sense of dread and foreboding… The blood, the barbed wire, the imminent explosions and the weapons….What is going to happen, I don’t know but soon enough it shall happen again… I wonder what you would say if you know what I am going to do… Would you talk me out of it?
I take a draw of my cigarette breathing out the smoke and watching it mingle with the mist hanging in the cold winter’s air…
Seifer: Would you encourage me? Would you force me to stop? Or would you understand where I am coming from and allow me to do this… You know this better than anyone else this was originally your match, I know I have added my own parts in but in essence it is all yours and you took it with you… Shall what happened to you happen to me? I don’t know but you want to know what the scary part is… I don’t care… I can’t sit by and let people like him think he can do whatever he wants to anyone…
I take a draw from my cigarette as my mind starts to spin a little, everything that has happened and is now destined to happen I feel a great weight on my shoulders…
Seifer: You of all of humanity know the pain, you know the suffering of what this will bring and many may ask why are you going through with it Seifer… Why are you making yourself go through this anguish for something as simple as right and wrong? Why do you fight Seifer?
I think it over in my head, in a lot of ways not many people can understand what this is all about… Some may think they do but they don’t… Very few understand what it is to be in this position…
Seifer: I fight for what I believe is right, that people like Myers and the Orphanage cannot just waltz around and do whatever they want without the Archangel noticing it and delivering his own justice to balance the scales… But what makes you think you are the man to do such a thing you ask?
I take another drag of my cigarette flicking the ashes on the ground next to me…
Seifer: Because if I don’t then who else will? I know Stacy and others could and will fight but who would I be if I stayed sat on the side-lines… I could not do that to the people I care about, I cannot see them hurt no matter what the cost to me is… That is why I step into the firing line… That is why I made this match to make sure he paid heed to the challenge… I knew he would not turn down the chance to get his hands on my to potentially destroy everything I am in this match…
I take one more draw on my cigarette this time tipping my head back as I breath out the smoke looking up at the nights sky above shining with the afterlife, the ghostly glows of many a star that is most likely not even there anymore…
Seifer: I know he could destroy me, physically he has a chance no doubt, but how strong is he mentally is what I ask you my friend… Can he really be pushed to those limits where you and I have been and placed residency… I doubt it… He has never been truly tested before now, he has not been punished to a point where he has had to face his own mortality like he has, to face the demons that dwell in the deepest circles of your soul… I will take him to that place and he will come face to face with his own persona, do you think he can overcome that trial… You couldn’t…
I tilt my head back down taking a draw on my cigarette as I do…
Seifer: No you could not, it’s why you linger inside the way you do I know this… you still blame me for what happened many a year ago in that dark place… You pushed us that far don’t you remember like he has to me now… Maybe this is fate then I should not fight it and just accept it… Maybe this is my comeuppance for what happened many a moon ago back home… I had my hand raised that night at the cost too high for most normal a man to pay and I have been living with you residing in part of my soul ever since that day… What do you want me to do? Do you want to be unleashed? Do you truly support the goals I wish to obtain with this match? Myers has driven me to this point… I want it to end as soon as I can and I will make it happen just you wait and see…
I take one last draw of my cigarette throwing it to one side when I was done, an anger building up inside of me…
Seifer: I shall learn from the mistakes of the past and I shall once and for all calm my own guilt in the process… This is going to be cleansing blood that shall be spilled at Double Jeopardy wait and see, this is going to be a war for the ages and I shall stop at nothing till he falls in a flame of dishonest glory… I have faced my persona before now and I have conquered it… I did not let it take over me and I have not let it kill me and nothing will change this time around… This is a new start for me, the blood I shall shed will make me stronger and I shall not let the mistakes of the past provide existence in my mind… Or my soul… I shall take all of the pain and the suffering that I have felt and that he has dealt to others and use it as the strongest weapon I can muster… I shall overcome this pain… I shall overcome the losses and I shall look ahead to my own future… A future true to myself that I shall forge through this upcoming night… They will all understand the true Archangel in its purest form tonight fighting not for gold but for what is right… Fighting for justice because I am one of the few that has the ability to do so…
I run my fingers through my hair taking in a deep breath of the cold air letting it chill my body a little as the old demon is lying but not sleeping in wait… I can feel it breathing inside me… It wants to be out and fight… I shall let it…
Seifer: You reside as part of me for a reason, you where my persona… I see that now… I am now you and you are me, I shall carry on our blood drenched legacy throughout the last of by days no matter how few or how many… I shall take your trials upon my shoulders because they are my trials also… We want justice… We want what is right in this world and we shall attain it with the blood of those that stand before us… You failed at this… I shall win where you lost my brother… Those spoke the archangel and so it shall be…
I stand up knocking the camera making it swing around to show an ornate tombstone with the words “Here lies Adrian Black… Born 26th June 1987 Died 25th August 2004”.
If a man has not discovered something that he will die for, he isn't fit to live.
Martin Luther King, Jr.
Kay Redfield Jamison
The scene unfolds as I am sat on a steel folding chair outside smoking a cigarette and staring at it, wearing a black silk suit it’s a rare time I am seen without my face paint to cover the scars on my face… They tell a story… I take the camera out of my pocket placing it on a tripod next to me pointing it towards me… And I switch it on and pressing record but not looking at the camera, I keep my focus straight ahead…
Seifer: It’s going to be soon, soon enough and I shall be back there in a place that I swore many a year ago that I would ever go again… Being here right now brings back too many memories sat here I stare into the face of my past with a sense of dread and foreboding… The blood, the barbed wire, the imminent explosions and the weapons….What is going to happen, I don’t know but soon enough it shall happen again… I wonder what you would say if you know what I am going to do… Would you talk me out of it?
I take a draw of my cigarette breathing out the smoke and watching it mingle with the mist hanging in the cold winter’s air…
Seifer: Would you encourage me? Would you force me to stop? Or would you understand where I am coming from and allow me to do this… You know this better than anyone else this was originally your match, I know I have added my own parts in but in essence it is all yours and you took it with you… Shall what happened to you happen to me? I don’t know but you want to know what the scary part is… I don’t care… I can’t sit by and let people like him think he can do whatever he wants to anyone…
I take a draw from my cigarette as my mind starts to spin a little, everything that has happened and is now destined to happen I feel a great weight on my shoulders…
Seifer: You of all of humanity know the pain, you know the suffering of what this will bring and many may ask why are you going through with it Seifer… Why are you making yourself go through this anguish for something as simple as right and wrong? Why do you fight Seifer?
I think it over in my head, in a lot of ways not many people can understand what this is all about… Some may think they do but they don’t… Very few understand what it is to be in this position…
Seifer: I fight for what I believe is right, that people like Myers and the Orphanage cannot just waltz around and do whatever they want without the Archangel noticing it and delivering his own justice to balance the scales… But what makes you think you are the man to do such a thing you ask?
I take another drag of my cigarette flicking the ashes on the ground next to me…
Seifer: Because if I don’t then who else will? I know Stacy and others could and will fight but who would I be if I stayed sat on the side-lines… I could not do that to the people I care about, I cannot see them hurt no matter what the cost to me is… That is why I step into the firing line… That is why I made this match to make sure he paid heed to the challenge… I knew he would not turn down the chance to get his hands on my to potentially destroy everything I am in this match…
I take one more draw on my cigarette this time tipping my head back as I breath out the smoke looking up at the nights sky above shining with the afterlife, the ghostly glows of many a star that is most likely not even there anymore…
Seifer: I know he could destroy me, physically he has a chance no doubt, but how strong is he mentally is what I ask you my friend… Can he really be pushed to those limits where you and I have been and placed residency… I doubt it… He has never been truly tested before now, he has not been punished to a point where he has had to face his own mortality like he has, to face the demons that dwell in the deepest circles of your soul… I will take him to that place and he will come face to face with his own persona, do you think he can overcome that trial… You couldn’t…
I tilt my head back down taking a draw on my cigarette as I do…
Seifer: No you could not, it’s why you linger inside the way you do I know this… you still blame me for what happened many a year ago in that dark place… You pushed us that far don’t you remember like he has to me now… Maybe this is fate then I should not fight it and just accept it… Maybe this is my comeuppance for what happened many a moon ago back home… I had my hand raised that night at the cost too high for most normal a man to pay and I have been living with you residing in part of my soul ever since that day… What do you want me to do? Do you want to be unleashed? Do you truly support the goals I wish to obtain with this match? Myers has driven me to this point… I want it to end as soon as I can and I will make it happen just you wait and see…
I take one last draw of my cigarette throwing it to one side when I was done, an anger building up inside of me…
Seifer: I shall learn from the mistakes of the past and I shall once and for all calm my own guilt in the process… This is going to be cleansing blood that shall be spilled at Double Jeopardy wait and see, this is going to be a war for the ages and I shall stop at nothing till he falls in a flame of dishonest glory… I have faced my persona before now and I have conquered it… I did not let it take over me and I have not let it kill me and nothing will change this time around… This is a new start for me, the blood I shall shed will make me stronger and I shall not let the mistakes of the past provide existence in my mind… Or my soul… I shall take all of the pain and the suffering that I have felt and that he has dealt to others and use it as the strongest weapon I can muster… I shall overcome this pain… I shall overcome the losses and I shall look ahead to my own future… A future true to myself that I shall forge through this upcoming night… They will all understand the true Archangel in its purest form tonight fighting not for gold but for what is right… Fighting for justice because I am one of the few that has the ability to do so…
I run my fingers through my hair taking in a deep breath of the cold air letting it chill my body a little as the old demon is lying but not sleeping in wait… I can feel it breathing inside me… It wants to be out and fight… I shall let it…
Seifer: You reside as part of me for a reason, you where my persona… I see that now… I am now you and you are me, I shall carry on our blood drenched legacy throughout the last of by days no matter how few or how many… I shall take your trials upon my shoulders because they are my trials also… We want justice… We want what is right in this world and we shall attain it with the blood of those that stand before us… You failed at this… I shall win where you lost my brother… Those spoke the archangel and so it shall be…
I stand up knocking the camera making it swing around to show an ornate tombstone with the words “Here lies Adrian Black… Born 26th June 1987 Died 25th August 2004”.
If a man has not discovered something that he will die for, he isn't fit to live.
Martin Luther King, Jr.
