Post by Satoko on Mar 25, 2015 21:40:47 GMT -6
Our scene opens with the camera panning around a trail in the middle of the woods. The sun streams through the dense trees while the sounds of birds chirping and squirrels dashing through the leaves fill the air. However those aren't the only sounds we hear, we also hear voices.
Voice: Come on, just tell me where we're going already!
Voice 2: Then it wouldn't be a surprise now would it? Besides, you should enjoy this, the forest is your natural habitat after all.
Voice: JERK!
We now see Mattaki Fukushuu and Neptune walk into view just in time for Neptune to hit Mattaki on the shoulder. Mattaki just grins and continues to walk as Neptune stares out into the trees with his arms crossed.
Mattaki: Don't worry, this forest is only full of bears and wolves, no big deal.
Neptune: In your past life you worked in a dungeon didn't you? That's the only way to explain your love of torture.
Mattaki: Speaking of torture, I'm pretty sure this is also where that murderer we watched that documentary on brought his victims.
Neptune: NOPE!
Neptune turns around and starts walking the other way until Mattaki grabs his arm.
Mattaki: It was a joke monkey boy, besides, we're here.
Neptune turns around to see Mattaki pointing to a clearing up ahead. Neptune stares at it but can't quite tell what he's seeing yet.
Neptune: Hey Mattaki….. RACE YA!
Neptune tries to take off towards the clearing but ends up doing nothing but flying backwards as Mattaki gives his shirt a slight tug before taking off himself. Neptune barely keeps from falling and runs after Mattaki but he has a sizable lead on him.
Neptune: NO FAIR!
Mattaki laughs as he hears Neptune yelling out behind him. Neptune makes up a lot of ground but he still arrives at the clearing just after Mattaki and jumps on his back applying a slight sleeper.
Neptune: You're such a cheater!
Mattaki: Well of course, you'd win a fair race but you never said it was a fair race.
Neptune: You've got an excuse for everything.
Mattaki: Well, not everything, I have no excuse for your face!
Neptune: THAT'S IT!
Neptune really starts to sink in the sleeper but Mattaki just acts like Neptune isn't even there as he walks into the clearing with Neptune draped across his back. In the clearing we see a bunch of clay pots all over the place attached to wooden posts and to ropes that are hanging from trees. There's even one off to the side that's hanging up so high it doesn't seem like anybody could reach it.
Mattaki: As you can see….
You can tell Mattaki is having trouble speaking due to Neptune's sleeper but Mattaki continues to pretend like there's nothing going on and powers through it.
Mattaki: Ahem, as you can see I set up a special training session for you.
Neptune: Come on, are you really just going to ignore my sleeper? You know it hurts.
Mattaki: Your mom hugs me harder than this.
Neptune: AHHHHHH! You're such an ass, you never let me win at anything.
Neptune relinquishes his sleeper hold.
Mattaki: That's right, and I'm not going to let you win at this either. So let's see if you can break ALL the pots. As a matter of fact, I'll even give you a prize if you can do it.
Neptune: Knowing you the prize will be a punch in the stomach.
Mattaki: No, it's something good, really good.
Mattaki's words piqued Neptune's interest causing him to quickly take his shirt and shoes off. Neptune then starts to warm up by throwing a couple of punches and kicks in the air.
Neptune: Make sure you've got that prize ready because this is going to be easy.
Neptune dashes through the clearing throwing punches and kicks sending clay pieces sailing through the air in every direction. He's fast, almost too fast, but that's what you'd expect from somebody dubbed “The Lightning Monkey”. Neptune makes quick work of all of the clay pots, that is until he comes to the one hanging high in the tree. He tries to jump up and kick it but his foot falls just short.
Mattaki: Oh, looks like you won't be collecting that prize huh?
Neptune: I'm not done yet.
Neptune now runs towards where the pot is hanging and jumps into the air doing a backflip and kicking the pot shattering it into pieces before finally landing on his feet with a smile on his face.
Neptune: HA! Suck on that! Now give me my prize.
Mattaki: It's behind you.
Neptune: Huh?
Neptune turns around looking for anything resembling a prize but sees nothing. That is until he sees something laying in the debris left from the clay pot he just kicked. He kneels down rummaging through the broken pieces and stands up with something in his hand. A look of shock is displayed on Neptune's face as he examines his “prize”.
Neptune: Are these.... cruise tickets?
Mattaki: Yeah I wasn't sure how monkeys did with boats but I figured we could use some relaxation of the fiasco we just went through.
Neptune: You know you have a rare gift of being mean even when you're being nice right?
Mattaki: I know, it's one of my best features.
Neptune: Well regardless...... thanks.
It had been years since either member of Project Snakehead was truly able to relax which is exactly why they were eager to go on their cruise. When Mattaki was cut off from his fortune and blackballed by his own father, the two of them slipped into debt. So even when they had a moment to themselves, their minds were invaded by the bills that loomed over their heads. It wasn't until recently that they were able to start paying back some of their debts thanks to a return to the wrestling business. The only problem is the federation they chose for their big return turned out to be the worst they had ever been apart of. So once again they found themselves unemployed but thanks to better than expected merchandise sales they were able to come up with enough money to finally enjoy themselves while they waited for their manager to find them a new federation to call home. They weren’t worried about that right now though, right now they were worried about making sure all of their things were packed. We join Project Snakehead in their living room where we see them standing in front of two large bags of clothes which rest on their couch. Neptune keeps looking off into space while Mattaki keeps looking at the bags and then looking back at Neptune.
Mattaki: So explain to me again why it is you need all of this stuff on a one week cruise?
Neptune: It's for… Ugh… You know…. Just in case.
Mattaki: In case what? You spill something on your clothes and need to change into another set….. EVERY DAY!?!?!?
Neptune: You never know what could happen!
Mattaki: Read my lips, one bag.
Neptune looks sighs and mutters something under his breathe as he looks at his bags.
Neptune: I'll let you read my fists.
THUD!
Neptune: AH, I WAS KIDDDING!
Neptune doubles over grabbing at his lower back area after Mattaki hits a well placed kick to the kidney.
Mattaki: Yeah I know, that's why I didn't hit with full force, that was a kidding kick.
Neptune: I think your kidding kick may have ruptured my…. Everything.
Mattaki: I guess you'll be in the hospital while I'm on the cruise then huh?
Neptune: WHAT!?!? NO! You're supposed to feel bad now so that I can guilt trip you into letting me take both bags!
Mattaki: What do you think this is, one of your sappy anime? Mattaki don't play that homie, now thin that crap down to one bag.
Neptune: Ugh, fine. And did you just call me homie?
Mattaki: Don't tell me how to live my life.
Neptune: Says the guy making me take one bag.
Mattaki: You don't need that many clothes! You'll be spending more time out of them anyway.
Neptune's face gets a little red as looks at his bags.
Neptune: I'll take the bag on the right then.
Mattaki: Good, that makes it easy. Just think, this time tomorrow we'll be on a ship sailing through tropical waters without a care in the world. A whole week with no training, no worries, and most importantly of all, no Tanaka.
As soon as those words escaped his lips there was a knock at the door, almost as if on cue. Mattaki walks over to the front door and opens it, something that he regrets almost immediately because standing on the other side of the door is Nezumi Tanaka with what can only be classified as an evil grin on his face.
Mattaki: I thought that only worked if you said it three times late at night in front of a mirror.
Tanaka: What?
Neptune can't help but chuckle.
Mattaki: Nothing Tanaka, what brings the scavengers out today?
Tanaka: You know, you guys should really be nicer to me. All I ever do is good things for you two. Like what I have set up for you over the next week for example. I've got you guys meetings with not one but TWO federations!
Mattaki and Neptune's eyes widen, they just stand their starring at Tanaka in silence.
Tanaka: I believe this is the part were you guys jump for joy. You know, jump up and down and start screaming things like “Oh my god I can't believe it, Tanaka-san you're the greatest manager ever”. Something along those lines.
Neptune still can't speak but Mattaki is able to shake the off the initial shock.
Mattaki: I'm sorry Tanaka that actually is good news for once, you did well.
Tanaka now gets a very confused look on his face.
Tanaka: Wait… You guys never compliment me, what's going on here?
Mattaki: Well, Neptune and I never thought you'd have anything set up this fast. We have tickets for a cruise that leaves tomorrow so is there any way you could reschedule?
Tanaka: A cruise? And you guys didn't think your manager should know about something like that?
Mattaki: Eh, we were going to tell you.
Tanaka: WHEN!?!?
Mattaki: Ok, we weren't, sue me.
Tanaka: Well, keeping important things from your manager aside, I can ask them if they'll reschedule our meetings. However you know as well as I do that opportunities don't grow on trees and there's no guarantee that they'll move the meetings or want to meet with you ever again if you don't take advantage now.
Mattaki looks at Neptune while speaking, trying to gauge his reaction to all of this.
Mattaki: Yeah, I know.
Neptune finally breaks his silence.
Neptune: It's fine, we can go another time.
Tanaka: Well there you have it!
Mattaki: Shut it Tanaka.
Mattaki turns his attention back to Neptune.
Mattaki: Are you sure about this? You were really excited to go and we have no idea when we'll get another chance.
Neptune: Getting to those meetings is more important.
Mattaki: I'll make it up to you, I promise.
Neptune: You better, and he'll pay for it!
Neptune points to Tanaka.
Tanaka: WHAT? Why do I get stuck with the bill?
Neptune: Because it's your fault we're not going.
Tanaka: BUT I GOT YOU THE MEETINGS! Ugh…. I can't win with you two.
Mattaki and Neptine laugh as the camera fades to black.
~Roar of the Dragon~
I wasn't going to address the events that lead up to me leaving the last federation I was in and coming to VOW. I was going to bite my tongue and just pretend that it didn’t happen but you know what? That's not my style and doing that would make me exactly what I hate the most, a fraud. I'm sure you've seen plenty of them in this business. You know, the “good guy” who eats negativity and shits out rainbows and sunshine constantly? The one who tries to come off so squeaky clean that you can't even imagine him driving 55 when the speed limit is 50? Or how about the direct opposite of that guy? The “bad guy” who goes out of his way to make sure that you hate him. You know, that one that is supposed to be such a slimy grease ball that he'd ddt his own mother for a dollar? Well those people, those are the kind of people I can't fucking stand because if that's who those people really were, they wouldn't be trying so hard to get you to believe it. No matter how much you want to group things into good and bad or black and white, the world has always and will always be gray.
So with that in mind, imagine my surprise when I realized I was in a federation that was full of people who are so fucking delusional that those kind of people I was talking about are exactly what they were looking for. Not human beings with a gamut of different emotions and reactions to different situations, no. People who are either always good or always bad and if you're not a fucking robot that fits into one of those two categories then you're not what they want. As evidence by a member of the staff looking at my partner's promo before it went on the air and telling him that he shouldn't air it. That's right, he should think twice about airing it because he was supposed to be a “bad guy” and the promo in question might alter the fan's perception of him. Most likely because it didn't feature him clubbing baby seals or pushing old people down stairs. That same staff member was also kind enough to point out two of the finest robots on their roster in order to tell us who we should be like.
We should have walked out of the door right then. Or perhaps we should have left when we found out that a relationship between two members of the roster had been basically forbidden by the federation due to the relationship in question not fitting into the federation's black and white view of the world. Yes, that actually happened, the only reason Project Snakehead stuck around was because we were begged and assured that everything would work out just fine. I guess their definition of “just fine” is being thrown into a match where the robots that Project Snakehead should be like get “randomly” put in the most favorable position possible. Not only that, but the deck gets stacked against us to the point where psychotic convicts are sent after us to make sure we fail and their robots succeed. Well they got what they wanted, their robots reign supreme thriving off of the favoritism that runs rampant in their shit hole of a federation. If you're watching this, all I can really say is that you won. You got your cookie cutter champions who are about as authentic as an Adidos t-shirt. But at what cost? Project Snakehead weren't the only ones who couldn't leave your company fast enough. So go ahead, keep running things how you're running them and see how long you last once word starts to spread about what is really going on. The whole “pay no attention to what's going on behind the curtain, the people who are leaving are just quitters” act will only last so long.
Now that I've gotten that off of my chest I can turn my full attention to what is important instead of a federation that will be dead and forgotten by this time next year. So that brings me to VOW and the twin city contendership match Project Snakehead is booked in at Nothing Else Matters. Now if I were a corn ball I'd say “well that's a fitting name since Project Snakehead is booked in this match and nothing else matters”. However since I'm not that guy I'll say it bluntly, Bum, Cosmo, we're going to fuck you up. Honestly, what would make me feel any other way? Hell, what would make YOU feel any other way? I watched the 23rd edition of Breakthrough and saw you both lose your matches. I watched the 22nd edition of Breakthrough and saw Ollie lose his match. I watched the 21st edition of Breakthrough and watched you lose as a team. Hmm… I can't quite put my finger on it but there seems to be a common theme here. Oh that's right, YOU LOSE! I mean come on guys, it's kind of your thing. Not to mention the fact that one of you is a bum while the other is living the pug life so basically it's not only winning matches you fail at, you're also failing at life. Well that is if we're supposed to believe what you say you are. Personally, I don't. As a matter of fact, to me you look exactly like the kind of people they would love in that shit hole of a federation I was talking about earlier. Hey, they might even stack the deck for you over there so that you can actually win a match as well so when Project Snakehead is done embarrassing you we'll give you their information.
I know this will be hard for a bum and lunatic but let's look at this match logically shall we? On one hand you have a team that is hell bent on returning to their former glory and being recognized as one of the best tag teams in the world and on the other hand you have a bum and a lunatic. I mean Project Snakehead is known for having some of the best team work in the business, we're always on the same page, and we spend most of our time together. You two? Well one of you is supposed to be from space while the other is the kind of person who wears tin foil hats in order to keep aliens and the government from beaming messages into his brain. This is shaping up real well for you guys, really it is. Aside from all that, I said something earlier that needs to be pointed out again. I watched all of your matches and I know exactly what you're capable of. Neptune did as well, getting him to watch was like pulling teeth but I'm sure your matches have that affect on most people. Seriously, watching you guys wrestle is like watching an artist try to paint with jello. Actually that's probably giving you too much credit because that actually sounds halfway interesting which you two certainly are not. Anyway the point I'm trying to make is that we've both seen what you can do which isn't much but can you to say the same about us? I mean if you really wanted to you could dig up all the information in the world on us but did you? Judging by your personalities I'd venture to say no. First of all I doubt the bum has internet access or a television so that rules him out. As for the space man, he seems to be too preoccupied with other things than he does with actually giving a shit about winning a match. So can anybody, anybody at all give me one reason why these two have a chance in hell at Nothing Else Matters? Yeah, I didn't think so.
