Post by Deleted on Sept 8, 2016 13:42:49 GMT -6
Once we moved back to Florida, I thought that the nightmares would stop. It’s just what I expected considering the first time they stopped was when I first moved to Miami from New York. But they haven’t stopped at all. As a matter of fact, they’re getting worse and I’m losing sleep because of it. It’s starting to worry me, not only because it’s going to affect my health in the long run unless I get some help, but I’m also worried about the effect it’s already having on Veronica.
And for all I know, it could get worse. What if these nightmares cause me to lash out violently in my sleep? What if I end up hurting my Queen by accident? I could never live with myself if that were to happen. I seriously need to get this sorted out as soon as possible. My future marriage and being a father to my kids depend on it.
I’m sitting here in the waiting room of the Miami Counselling Resource Center, dressed in a pair of black rock boots, a pair of light blue denim jeans, a black Metallica, “Some Kind Of Monster” T-shirt and a black leather biker jacket.
Sitting beside me is of course, the love of my life, my Queen and my future wife, Veronica who is dressed in a pair of black leather high heeled boots, a pair of skin tight dark blue denim jeans and a plain black long sleeved turtle neck jumper.
Looking down to the floor as she takes my hand in hers, I raise my head at the sound of one of the doors adjacent to us opens. Stepping out of the room is a middle aged woman who looks to be of Israeli decent wearing thick black rimmed glasses and wearing a long white coat.
“Mr Robinson?”
Veronica and I both stand to our feet and I nod before outstretching my arm for a handshake which the doctor accepts before she then shakes Veronica’s hand.
“My name is Doctor Yael Levy, would you kindly follow me into my office, please.”
“Is it okay if my fiance joins us as well?”
She nods, smiling as we both follow her into the office. Once inside, she closes the door behind us and motions to a couple of chairs in front of her desk which we sit down in before she sits down in her own seat.
“So Mr Robinson, what can I help you with today?”
If there’s one thing I’ve never been good at, it’s opening up about problems I’ve been having to complete strangers. Yeah, great I know…how in the Hell am I meant to talk to a therapist if I have problems opening up to people I don’t know?
“I…”
My mouth begins to feel dry as I glance over to Veronica, trying to ask her with my eyes if she could explain to her why we’re here to help kick things off for me.
"Matthew...has been having a lot of nightmares recently that have caused him to get very erratic in bed while asleep. It just scares us a lot because we don't want something like this coming between us in our eventual marriage, or to have the risk of me getting injured now or in the future when I might want to have kids of my own."
Nodding, she takes down some notes on a pad of paper.
“And what are these nightmares about?”
Swallowing hard, I look up to her, stroking my left hand across my face.
“M-My parents…”
She nods, once again writing down what’s been said to her.
“Were they abusive to you?”
"He...lost them to an attempted robbery when he was a young boy."
“I see. I’m very sorry for your loss…”
Pushing her glasses back up onto her face, she continues writing down before looking back up to me.
“Okay, Mr Robinson. Take your time with this next question, but it is a crucial one. I need to know the full details of this recurring nightmare of yours…if you can.”
I let out a slow long breath and nod, taking hold of Veronica’s hand for some extra support.
“Well…it always starts when I hear a commotion downstairs and when I wake up, I realize I’m seeing everything through the eyes of the five year old me. I hear my father yelling so I throw back the covers and leave my bedroom and peek through the railings to see what’s going on…”
She nods, taking notes as I speak.
“Jonathan Grimes, the man who killed my parents, he…would demand my father give him his wallet, his Rolex and my mother’s engagement ring to him. My Dad refuses…and then that’s when he pulls the gun on them both. At that moment I always focus my gaze on the terrified look in my mother’s eyes…”
Veronica squeezes onto my hand and I begin to feel her shake, this is not how I wanted the first time for her to know the full details to go, but now I must keep on.
“Obviously, my father stands in front of my mother to protect her. At this point she’s whimpering, and every time I want to move from my spot to try and help, I’m just…frozen. Jonathan asks again for the items and again, my father refuses and then suddenly…the gun goes off and I watch my father fall to the ground, a pool of blood slowly forming underneath his lifeless body.”
She's shaking worse now, I feel her hand slipping away from mine and she turns cold, this can't be pleasant for her.
“Sorry, can you give us a quick moment please?”
She nods before handing me a box of tissues which I take as I turn to Veronica and lift her chin up with my hand so she’s looking into my eyes.
“Are you going to be okay, babe?”
"Just...please keep going so I don't have to worry any more...I'll be fine, I'm just in shock."
Nodding, I turn back to Doctor Levy and take another deep breath.
“That was when my mother’s whimpering turned into balling as she dropped to her knees over my father’s body, praying that he was okay. And then he’d cock the gun again and raise it up, pointing it straight at my mother. He could have just taken what he wanted and left right then and there…but he didn’t. And then my mother would begin pleading with him to spare her…and then the second shot came…and I watched helplessly as my mother fell on top of my father’s body. The puddle of blood underneath them growing even more and then I wake up…”
Veronica shivers once more, then I feel tear drops falling onto my hand, a soft whimpering coming from the woman I love. I never knew she would care this much.
“I’m sorry you had to hear that, V…”
Pulling a couple of tissues from the box, I pass them to her and she takes them, wiping the tears away as I wrap my arm around her, resting my head on top of hers. Once Doctor Levy has finished writing down her notes, she looks up to the two of us again.
“I understand how difficult that was…for the both of you. It certainly sounds like it was a very traumatic experience that you went through, Mr Robinson. How often do you have this recurring nightmare?”
“It depends. Some weeks I could have it four times…others just a couple.”
Nodding, she sits there for a moment before turning to Veronica.
“And how has all of this been affecting you, Miss?”
V attempts to calm herself down, but the tears only keep flowing as she tries to shakily speak.
"He cries...he cries and I want to hold him and comfort him but every time I do I feel like it's just easier to get pushed away and so he leaves the room and goes to smoke. I swear...the more it has been happening recently, the more I am beginning to regret allowing that smell back into my life. It does hurt...that it took this for me to finally even know what it all is he went through in these nightmares. I don't want to lose him...I can't lose him...but I can't let him fight a battle alone and sometimes it just seems that is so much easier in his eyes, and it hurts me more than you can imagine."
Tears now begin to trickle down my face, hearing how badly this is affecting her.
“Well I think one of the things you must do Mr Robinson is to allow your fiance in. I know that as a man, it’s harder for you to open up and to accept outside help, but letting Veronica in will help you a little bit.”
Once again, I turn to my Queen and take hold of her hands in mine.
“I’m so sorry, V. I just…I didn’t want to put you through the pain of knowing the details of what I witnessed that night.”
She shoots her gaze up at me with those puppy dog eyes.
"Don't you get it Matthew? I want to be in pain. I don't want you to be alone during this, you keep wanting to be alone. I am not going to stand by and let you break all alone...where does it leave me if your fear and depression with all this gets to the point where I lose you?!?"
Pulling her into an embrace, I softly stroke my hand through her long raven hair.
“I promise that from this day forward, I will let you in…I swear that I won’t end up leaving you all alone without me.”
Breaking away from her, I plant a soft kiss on her forehead before taking her hand in mine yet again and then turning my attention back to Doctor Levy.
“Is there anything else I can do to try and help stop the nightmares, Doctor?”
She immediately nods as she leans forward, resting her arms on the desk.
“There is actually a technique that on the surface sounds rather silly called imagery rehearsal therapy that you can do yourself, and Veronica could also help with it too. Seventy to eighty percent of people who have tried this technique have noticed significant relief and it’s really easy and straightforward to do.”
“Okay…”
“Basically, it involves three simple steps. First you jot down a brief description of your nightmare. Then think of a way to change what happens in the nightmare, so in this case, think of a way to change it from a negative to a positive. And then set aside a few minutes every day to imagine the altered version of the nightmare. Essentially paint yourself a mental picture of the altered version.”
That sounds ridiculous. I turn to V, and the look in her eyes is of a woman desperate and willing to try anything.
“Are you sure that could work?”
“It worked for me. I tried it myself and it has helped me considerably. I’d suggest giving it a try and if it doesn’t work, I could prescribe you with Prazosin.”
Yet again, looking at Veronica, I softly stroke her arm.
“What do you say, babe? Shall we give this imagery rehearsal therapy a try?”
"If it helps...we should do it. I can't see you like this anymore..."
I put my arm around her again and nod towards Doctor Levy.
“Okay Doctor, we’ll give the imagery rehearsal therapy a go and see if it works.”
“Excellent. What I’ll do then, is I’ll book you in for another appointment in two weeks time which will give you plenty of time to try this technique out. And we’ll see how things have been in two weeks. Also Veronica, I want you to make sure that he continues to open up to you about everything.”
"I will...if he doesn't, no more dessert after dinner."
That lightens the mood a little as the three of us share a light chuckle with one another before Veronica and I stand to our feet.
“Thank you, Doctor Levy…”
Stretching out my arm, I shake her hand again before she shares another handshake with Veronica as well. Picking up a small card off her desk, she passes it to me and I accept it.
“You’ll find both my office and cell phone numbers on there along with hours within I’m available for you to contact me if you need anything.”
Nodding, the two of us then begin to make our way over to her office door and leave to head back home to begin working on hopefully sorting out these damn nightmares.
I really hope that this technique that Doctor Levy has told me about will work and help sort out these damn nightmares. Seeing how badly this whole thing has affected Veronica has made me feel so guilty, but at the same time it has also made me more determined to try and get it sorted out.
Not only that, but it has made me realize how important it is to open up to her and let her in to help me through everything. Considering how much she cares about me and how badly she wants to get this sorted out is even more proof as to why she is the one for me.
I love her so much, and I never want to lose her…
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The people in this company can call me whatever they want. They can call me an asshole. They can call me an evil, horrible human being because of the things that I say and do to the Visionaries here that I don’t like. But when it comes to the people that I do care about? My family in The Orphanage. My two children. My fiancee and tag team partner? Nobody can deny that I am loyal to them and that I care about them more than anything in the world.
Deep down, when it comes to this match. It’s not about me. I’m not going to help make sure Veronica and I walk out of Breakthrough 51 the brand new VoW Twin City Champions for myself. No. I’m doing this for her. I’ve done everything I need to do already in this industry. Veronica is the future. She’s hungry for success and she sure as Hell deserves it.
The camera flickers to life showing that I’m sitting on a sofa in some hotel here in Maryland that I have no desire to remember the name of because quite frankly, that’s not important right now. It’s the middle of the night and I figured that whilst my Queen sleeps, I’d give the VoW faithful the gift of the greatest wrestler they have ever laid eyes upon. The King of the Ring. The Wrestling God. The Most Dangerous Man In VoW. Me. “The Punisher” Matthew Robinson.
Dressed in nothing but a pair of black tracksuit bottoms, I lean forward and pick up a tall glass of ice cold water that I poured out earlier. Taking a sip from it, I then set it back down on the table in front of me as I maintain my focus on the camera.
“I’d imagine you’re all thinking that as of right now, all I can think about are these pathetic little redemption messages I’ve been receiving lately from Owen Gonsalves. I bet you’re all thinking that all Winter Pine can think about is her unfortunate loss at Breakthrough 50 against Emma Carlisle…”
I scoff a little, lightly scratching my beard as I shake my head.
“I presume that that’s what you two are also thinking is on both of our minds too, James…and Kate? Well you couldn’t be further from the truth!”
Standing to my feet, I pick up the glass of water and make my way towards the sliding door leading out onto the balcony. Digging my free hand into my pocket, I pull out a carton of cigarettes and removing one, I pop it into my mouth and ignite the end of it, taking a long drag.
“You see, considering who I am…I’m not worried in the slightest about Owen Gonsalves. He can try and play his little mind games, but when the time comes that he actually stops being a coward and actually confronts me? He’s just going to end up finding himself on the shelf again…only this time, I’ll make sure he’s there permanently.”
I take another drag from my cigarette along with another drink of water.
“No. My full focus right now is on those Twin City Championships. It’s about time that VoW had a tag team that is worthy of being called the Twin City Champions. The Neon Babes were never worthy…that’s why they up and quit! I guess they got scared once Winter and I first announced our intentions to go after their titles, so they took the easy way out and ran away.”
Leaning on the balcony, I stroke my beard a little.
“The fact that VoW picked you two to be the team to do battle with us over the vacant Twin City Championships proves one of two things. And no, one of those isn’t that they must believe you are worthy contenders, because quite frankly, one of you hasn’t even had their first damn match in this company yet!”
I turn to the camera with a sick smirk on my face.
“Yeah, I’m talking about you, James. The infamous James Mitchell Cornett. Multi-time champion. Hall of Famer. And King of the most fucked up, dysfunctional pathetic family I’ve ever seen!”
Chuckling, I shake my head.
“How the Hell did you manage to get yourself into this match exactly, James? You’ve done absolutely nothing here! Did you pay management or something? Maybe you sucked off Ryan Omega since it’s quite clear nobody in your stupid family knows what fucking sexuality they are!”
I take another drag from my cigarette.
“You’re nothing, James. Nothing but a washed up hack who thought he’d try and have one last hurrah in the wrestling business. But come Breakthrough 51, you’re going to wish you’d never even thought about coming out of retirement! You have absolutely no idea who you are stepping into the ring with! I guess once I’ve broken every bone in your body, at least one thing you can be proud of is that you saved your pathetic daughter from suffering that fate instead.”
Taking a drink of water, I stroke the top of my head a little.
“And then there’s little, young, inexperienced, naive Kate. You know, you sort of remind me a little of Zahara when she first broke into VoW. She was new to wrestling, and had that stupid mentality that you have where you like to see the good in people.”
I shake my head again, taking another drag of my cigarette.
“This is reality, Kate. Not one of those stupid MMO games you play at home because that’s the only true thing you’re actually good at. Life is cruel. The world is a cruel place. The people who live in it are cruel.”
Tossing my head back, I laugh as I recall something she said in the lead up to her match at Breakthrough 50.
“I find it hilarious how you genuinely believe that you and James are the tag team that will take VoW to new heights. That you and James will be the tag team that will capture the Twin City Championships. So what? You think that just because you beat those two whores twice that you’re suddenly better than a team like Animal Instinct?”
I have another drink of water and shake my head for a third time.
“Nobody is better than Animal Instinct. No tag team in this company, past…present or future is better than Animal Instinct! And we will prove that to you, the locker room and the VoW faithful at Breakthrough 51 when we defeat you right in the middle of the ring and are crowned the brand new Twin City Champions!”
Finishing off my cigarette, I toss the butt over the balcony and then polish off the remaining contents of my glass of water.
“We have a thirst for blood. And at Breakthrough 51, we feast. It’s survival of the fittest.”
And with that, I make my way back into the hotel room, closing the door behind and heading back to bed to once again be reunited with my Queen.
When it comes to my wrestling career now, I have a new motivation. The things I do in that ring are never for myself, it’s for the people who matter most to me. Those being my children and of course, Veronica.
At Breakthrough 51, Matthew Robinson will begin his fifth tag team championship reign of his career. But more importantly, Winter Pine will have her first taste of championship gold.
I’ll make sure of it…