Post by English/Corpse on Jul 14, 2014 21:23:26 GMT -6
VOW Presents
A Casanova English Original
Family
Women. Women have made me numb. Women
have always been my kryptonite. Vanessa exposed that a few weeks ago
dealing me my first official loss in VOW. I always seem to be lead
astray and defeated by women. It's not that they scare me, I value
them as equal, very much so. The truth, it's all psychological. All
this goes back to my mother. My mother. Today is her birthday and I
find myself flying back to the pile of dust I call “home” with
great reluctance. Normally I would never be here, and to be honest I
don't know why I am. It's women, it's that big god damn soft spot I
have for mom even though she is the being who has dealt me the most
pain. Still though here I am in a pharmacy just a few kilometers from
my grandmother's home looking over cheap birthday cards that say
“From Son, To Loving Mother.” or bullshit poems that have a
questionable rhyme scheme. It's funny there are none that say “For
the Recovering Addict, Thanks for Not Dying Yet.”. I grab a card
and walk towards the counter. The whole time the cashier puts the
card through all I can do is think about the irony that I buy my moms
card in a pharmacy and she buys her pills on the street. I walk
outside into the humid July air, and down a small set of stone steps
to my rented Chevrolet Cruise. I don't like to drive, I would much
rather walk. I like to take it all in I guess. It's weird how well I
have taken to the city coming from such a small community. Some
people just have a higher calling. I think we all do. That's why
these idiots need to avoid the foolish distractions like Star. I must
show them. Sure, last week wasn't quite as successful as I hoped, but
there will be more. Rome wasn't built in a day. I roll the window
down on the Cruise and place a cigarette in my lips.
I toss the butt of my cigarette from
the window as I pull off onto the East Point Road. I slow down a bit.
I try and tell myself that it is because of the bumps and cracks that
have swelled from a harsh window. It's not that though, it's nerves.
Normally I am the calmest man on earth, but it has been so long since
I have seen my mother fragile frame stagger though the wind. I
remember this drive all too well. Every second Sunday we had family
dinner here. I hated it. I hated it because I was the peacekeeper. I
hated it because every second of it was an act. We pretended
everything was fine for those few hours. You would think that would
be healthy an peaceful, it would help with family support. It was the
exact opposite. All it was was a beautiful old lady's futile effort
to stitch back together something that never existed. For me Family
quickly became the new F word. I never known what one looked like. I
blame my mother. I need to overcome this if I have any chance of over
coming Reya Serra, she has showed the punishment she can go through.
I need to show her a new world, a new dimension of pain. Why the fuck
am I here then?
SCREEEEECCCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
I slam on the brakes so fucking hard I
almost cause whiplash. I sit there for a moment looking up the road
at the top of the hill where the house peers down with two glowing
windows. I take a deep breath. As much as I want to fly back to
Minnesota, there are just some things a man has to do. As much as I
want to go back and focus on my match with Reya Serra I just can't. I
scare myself when I feel this much. I scare myself when I loose focus
of The Revolution just in the hopes I can do. . . something here. I
keep pretending that some day I can spare them. I can't forgive. I
speed up the road to the large white house that has a back line of
large thick wood. At night the white house glowed in front of the
dark dense backdrop of the trees all huddled together. It's time to
regain composure. I haven't been myself. Maybe it's the battle raging
with Star, or maybe it is the one in my head. I park the car in the
drive way. Pulling the keys from the ignition I swipe up the envelope
with the word “MOM” horribly written on the outside. I approach
the door to knock but my grandmother already has it swung open. Her
smile is wide and her cheeks a rosy red she hugs me like she never
has before. It breaks my heart a little. It's like I am coming home
from a tour of duty. She is short and plump, and her head only
reaches to my chest. I lean down and kiss her cheek.
“Hey Gram. Missed you.”
“You too Cass." I didn't think
you'd make it. Den Andrew told me you were commin' home for your
mom's birthday. It was some surprisin'!”
My grandmother always had a slight
accent, and pronunciation isn't her strong suit. I find my brother
and give him a glare.
“Yeah, it was a bit of a surprise for
me too Gram.”
“It's a shame your Aunt and Uncle
couldn't make it.”
“Yeah, I am sure they will the next
time.”
I walk into the living room, and
sitting there on the couch she looks up and her eyes meet mine. She
nearly falls over. Her face turns white. I squint, roll my eyes, suck
it up and hug my fucking mother. She laughs as I wrap my arms around
her.
“God! I can't believe that you came.
I have been clean for 6 months! I swear.”
She says hugging me tight. I shake my
head.
“That's not the first thing I want to
hear you say. Let's just put that behind us for a night. This is the
first time we have all got together since Grand Dad passed away.”
She stands up and takes my hand to the
kitchen. My mind is at ease, maybe things with her haven't been as
bad as I think. Maybe this is something I can finally put on the back
burner. Maybe it is something I can get past and The Revolution can
begin to flourish. My grandmother has prepared a fest. I sit down at
the table and the aroma of oven roasted chicken fills my nostrils.
“Smells good.”
“Yeah man, the city doesn't feed you
quite as well as this. Those hotdogs on the side of the road. . .
they were probably recycled.”
They all laugh at my brothers poor
joke.
“So I have been thinking on going to
University?”
My mother says.
“Oh yeah?”
I reply completely baffled. She never
showed any interest in furthering her already mediocre education.
“Yeah! Your Grandmother and I have
been talking about it and I think I might go back for early childhood
education or something. You know how I always loved kids.”
When you were sober
“I think it is a great idea. You will
always find a job in that field. Maybe not the highest paying, but
people are gonna keep getting knocked up.”
“Oh, I need to wash my hands before
supper.”
My mother gets up and excuses herself
for a moment.
“She is doing really well man.”
“Yeah, Cass she's been doin' really
well for the past little bit.”
“ That's good to hear. I really hope
she follows that idea to go to school.”
“I saw your match last week Cass.”
My mother says coming back into the
room.
“Yeah, it was pretty good. Another
win.”
“ I can't believe that Star came back
after what you did to him earlier in the night. I mean it was pretty
brutal no offense. He is a really tough opponent. You shouldn't take
him lightly.”
“Yeah. I just have to not let it get
into my head. I have to make an example out of him. He is spreading
some si-fi fantasy L. Ron. Hubbard bullshit to these people. I can't
have that interfering with my vision. I mean we can't have people
being distracted by the bigger picture.”
“Oh, here we go.” Can we save the
conspiracy for tonight?”
“Shut up. Anyway as I was saying. I
can't allow him to spread his lies. He has to be removed before he
hypnotizes more youth with bright colors. He did show me some heart
last week. What I did to him was completely justified, next time I
won't worry about justification.”
Andrew just shakes his head as I get up
to use the bathroom. I walk into the large bathroom. My grandmother
always kept everything spotless, likely undiagnosed OCD. It was such
a weird thing. She cleaned up all the dirt, swept it up under the
rug. Like she does with the secrets, the lies, and the truth. I look
down at the counter top and something sticks out from underneath a
white towel. My heart sinks.
“WELL 6 MONTH'S IS THE RECORD LADIES
AND GENTLEMEN!”
I yell entering the room again.
"I'm not going to sit here with
these people and be part of your 12 step fucking program. This is the
first time you see me in years and here you are having to get fucked
up. The amount of disrespect and disregard you have for human life
has destroyed the person I could have been and ripped this family
apart. No matter where I go this hangs over me like a looming
darkness. Your a fucking JUNKIE! I saw your pill in the bathroom.”
Andrew stands up to get between me and
the table. My eyes glow red with fury.
“They aren’t her's."
My Grandmother
yells.
“They aren’t!”
My mother whispers behind her tears.
“The doctors have me on pain
medication!”
My grandmother says calmly trying to
diffuse the situation. She pulls her purse up from the ground and
slams it on the dinner table shaking the plates and the silverware.
She pulls out a pill bottle of red pain medication.
“I told you they aren't mine Cass. I
have been sober 6 months.”
I laugh, I laugh and throw her the half
of a white pill.
“Don't fucking lie to me.”
I push my brother's hands off my
shoulders.
“Get your hands the fuck off me.”
I slam the front door so hard I almost
break the glass. I stand in the yard I grew up in. I'm trying to
breath this one out, but it's just not going away. My head spins, it
buzzes, but then it all stops. It all becomes clear, vivid. I grab
the stupid fucking camcorder out of the backseat of the Cruise. I
place it on the roof and flick on record. I use the treeline as my
backdrop.
“Hello loyal fans of VOW. I am sure
that each and every one of you were thoroughly impressed with my
performance on Breakthrough. Not only did I defeat Jarek, but I also
laid waste to Star. Star, over the next little while I am going to
show you that the stupidest thing you could of possibly done was get
back up. I fired the first shot of war to the beat of your drums. I
am not a sit and wait for your opponent to strike kind of guy. See on
this planet Star everything is fair in love and war. This is the
first stages of a battle for the minds of humanity. Who knew that
World War III would spark here in VOW!”
I laugh stepping back so that more of
my body is in frame.
“This week I have a bigger fish to
fry in Reya Serra. Why is she different? Frankly, because she is
smart. She has been in battles with Seth Iser and has manipulated him
in ways that only men could dream of. She still didn't get the job
done at Exposure though. This comes to my question. Reya Serra it is
no secret that you are a women of faith. So did you read the story of
Job? Satan challenges God by saying that he can shake the faith of a
mortal. God allows him to do so. So Satan thinks of violent horrible
things one after another, day after day, hurting Job horribly but
never allowed to kill him. The moral? God allows the religious to
suffer to build character. He allows them to go through horrible
nasty things so they can develop a moral foundation. To feel empathy
for the suffering, one must suffer. Reya, you remind me a lot of Job.
Seth Iser has done and said some horrible things to you, he has dealt
you defeat. This is the testing of your faith I guess. I am honored
to be part of the process of your character building, and I sure as
fuck hope the pain I inflict on you builds that solid moral base.”
“Ahh. . . religion always makes me
laugh. Reya, you are descending down the circles of hell. I don't
know which one I am, but I promise I won’t be forgiving. All I ask
is that at Breakthrough you show me some respect. I don't want you
begging a god for mercy, I don't want you to expect some holy hand to
reach from the Heavens and vanquish me. See that is the problem with
religion. It puts none of the ownership to the person. GOD EMPOWERS
YOU! Why can't you empower you? Why can't you stop praying for the
world to change and go out and make change happen. It is all because
of religion. All because someone uses that to scare the little boys
and girls of the world from breaking the fucking mold! It is just
another way to keep us under control, keep up that idea of a one
world mentality.”
“I see how smart you are, I see the
skills you have. You lack killer instinct. See I watched Iser beat
you two times in VOW, and you know him. You know him well. That's why
I am not as worried as people think I should be. You don't know me
Serra. You have no idea what I am capable of. You have no idea the
skills I possess, and the pent up aggression I have to put into this
match. Women have always been my downfall, and Serra I am going to
make sure that stops with you. You are under some delusional notion
that this is your house. Well honey, shit is going to change around
here. Daddy is home. I must say though, you have been looking good. .
.”
“Didn't Juda kill Christ with a
kiss?”
I smile walking into the camera making
myself the reason it fades out. I push the record button off. No one
has left the house since I stormed out. I am just sick of this shit.
I must not be deceived again. I must refocus on The Revolution. I
must stop being so fucking distracted. I punch the side of the rental
car leaving a dent in the car, and a swell in my knuckles.
“Casanova. . .”
I spin around. Her blue eyes sparkle,
her black dress hugs her perfectly. She holds a small envelope
between her light blue painted fingernails.
“Kim?”
I close my eyes and hear her swallow.
“Your mom said you'd be home today. .
.”
I don't know if I'm haunted by ghosts
or angels.