Post by Elskerinne on Jul 14, 2014 22:14:06 GMT -6
Things never change: The world's still spinning. Life's still unfair. People are still... dishonest. And, ya know... I've learned... you can't really trust anyone. The only people whose words hold any water are those who aren't drinking it. The drunks downing liquor, the kids slurping fruit punch. Honesty doesn't come easy, unless you're too young to understand a lie... or too fucked to comprehend why... you can't say that. Her dress doesn't make her look fat. The kid's drawing doesn't suck. Your grandma's red bean and artichoke cookies are SO delicious.
Get real.
We lie to protect others. To protect ourselves. To protect the very foundation of our lives from cracking. From losing valuable nuts and bolts that make it stable. The smallest of white lies... to protect what we love. What... does that say? When our lives are based off of dishonesty? When we grow up being told this exists, this doesn't, things are supposed to be this way, things are supposed to follow this order. And there's no other way around it. We're taught... no... we're trained, from an early age... to believe what we know is wrong. To follow a certain code of conduct because... because...
Honesty, trust and integrity hold no ground.
Lie, cheat and steal to get to the top. We're taught... the good guy finishes last. We're taught... to not bother helping other's. Because they wouldn't help us. Don't make eye contact with the guy with the tattered clothes and dirty cardboard sign. The rain falls endlessly over him, but he still stands there. His sign simply states 'Have a Child. Anything Helps.'. We're told that he's just a slob. A waste of life who isn't trying. He just wants our hard earned money for drugs or alcohol. We shouldn't trust that he truly needs it. Funny how that works, right? We're taught... that dishonesty is wrong, while we lie to ourselves and others every day of our goddamn lives. But... you know what I've learned? Not from word of mouth or from being... from being TAUGHT. I've learned... through experience. Through my own unveiled eyes...
There's far more truth in the eyes of those who have nothing, and drop their pride to admit it... than those who have everything, but refuse to believe it...
♫ Why am I so emotional? No, it's not a good look, gain some self-control... and deep down I know this never works. But you can lay with me so it doesn't hurt... ♫
The water's roar caused me to stir, as a cool breeze hit my face. But I kept my eyes closed, picturing every moment. Every smile. Every reaction to each of my actions. No... I'm not talking about my wrestling career. Not about what happened at the last event. A victory against Scott Knight and his Mistress. A clean one, at that. And kinda, maybe... a brutal one. But... they didn't call me the Queen of Extreme, once upon a time, for nothin'. That aside... it simply wasn't on my mind. What's done was done... what's won was won. The future, ever bright, called my name.
And yet, here I was.
No training. No worries. You have Brett Carson pushing himself. Training hard. Learning the ins and outs of whatever 'style' I was officially given on my website's biography. Yes. I had a website. The 'fans' made it out of their love and support of me. Yet they named my favorite food as steak and my favorite color as blue. Bitch, get it right. Medium rare sirloin and midnight blue. CHEA!
SPLASH!
"AHH! COLD!" I suddenly shrieked, jerking up, fully aware of my surroundings now. A wave of water had hit my lower back, and I shivered and stuck my lower lip out. "No bueno..."
"Uh.... V?"
"Ooohh why did I decide to do this when it's 60 degrees out?"
"Ah, yeah, that's kinda... obvious."
"What do you...?" I paused, my gaze trailing away from my manager, Andy Wilde, down to my chest. Ah... I knew I forgot something. Bras are difficult to put on in the morning! The struggle is REAL. It was an honest mistake!
I flushed slightly, holding my hands over my boobs and glaring at Andy as we went over the white waters. We sat on a... raft. A circular raft. Made specifically for... you guessed it: white water rafting. Feeling the waves shove us back and forth... the water splash against my bare skin... and the circular motion of the raft bouncing around... I was completely contented. Well... until Andy had made the comment about my nipples.
"I mean, I'm not complaining."
"I know yer not, ya PERVERT!"
"Pervert?" Andy looked utterly offended, as my personal assistant and friend Jessica Brennan, and the other passengers on the raft, watched our back and forth like guests at a tennis match. "I'm sorry that I can't help but stare at your tits when you're wearing a low cut shirt, clearly showing them off."
"But-"
"Not to mention, people are biologically programmed to find a suitable 'mate' that fits their ideals for offspring and a general future together. Considering I think a lot like a guy, I'd obviously be looking for a chick with nice boobs who can properly nourish children..."
"Artificial insem-?"
"Not to mention! I spent the best 15 months of my life attached to those things!" Wilde jabbed a finger toward my boobs, as the mother desperately tried to cover her son's eyes and ears simultaneously. But Andy wasn't giving up. "A time in my life that I'll never get back... that was peaceful and carefree... all of that, I see when I look at your chest!"
Jessi and I just stared at Andy, who stuck her chin out defiantly. She was pretty proud of her speech. And I was pretty impressed, as I mockingly clapped. "Oooo that was kinda logical, and somehow even a little sweet!"
"Thanks. I read it on the internet." She flashed me a cheeky grin, as my awe for my manager deflated, and I slapped a palm to my forehead... hurting myself in the process and whining loudly. Andy copied my facepalm, as Jessi tried helping me out. But I brushed her away, gesturing toward the waterfall we were about to go under, a big grin plastered on my face. The petite blonde went even paler than usual, and Wilde merely laughed and yelled 'bring it!!'.
SPLASH x2!!
It was about a half an hour later, when we were heading away from the white water rafting area, having bought towels to dry ourselves off after that little adventure. It wasn't even that warm outside that day, but I'd still needed something to cool me off. Maybe I was flustered. Maybe I was angry. But in the end... the waters calmed me. And, somehow... helped me come to a decision. I didn't need to announce it. My tone... my actions... would speak for me. So as we started down the sidewalk, somewhere downtown in Duluth, I draped a lazy arm around Jessi's shoulder and spoke...
"The main idea of white water rafting is the excitement. The thrill of being thrown around and getting soaked..."
"Both of which were accomplished. One more than the other..." Andy tugged at her soaked shirt, and I grinned.
"It just... it ends up being the same thing. Over and over. You bump into rocks. Your butt gets all wet. Go under waterfalls. Get soaked. It always starts out slow, gets a bit... wet and wild... then returns to the calm."
"I sense some s-symbolism coming on." Jessi replied, and I folded my arms behind my head, frowning slightly in thought.
"Hrm. Well. Brett Carson... ain't like white water rafting. He doesn't begin with a leisure float down the river. He always starts out roughly. He shoves his way into things. Barges through the rocks and waters to get to the end. Never stops to gaze at the scenery around 'em. He just flies headfirst into whatever he can get his hands on. The Xcel title. The Biggest Douchebag award. And for what? A few minutes of glory? A chorus of boos from fans who switch sides every other week?"
"And the way he does it!" Andy laughed, shaking her head. "Seriously man, he just screams out his opinion. Doesn't leave a damn thing to the imagination. Belting out shit like faggot and all that, to get a reaction. Does he not know the phrase 'less is more'?"
"He just wants to be hated."
"Yeah but aren't you trying to be, too?"
"Yeah, but I'm just kidding around. Entertaining the masses. I really don't see a point in them cheering for me. I don't see a point in them booing me, either. It doesn't anything. It doesn't change me." I paused, lowering my arms and sighing. "My opponent... I just feel like... there's not a gosh darn piece of integrity within 'em. He's playin' the bad guy... portraying the villain. But he's doing it in a way where... I don't even believe him."
"Not to mention, the guy doesn't know what he's saying half the time. He just spouts off nonsense to sound tough or 'bad'. It's pretty sad." My manager lifted an eyebrow at me, and I shrugged a shoulder.
"He ain't an honest man. I don't even think he's honest with himself, let alone everyone else. Just a lil boy lookin' for some cheap, loud reactions from a crowd of nobodies. We're gonna go out there. He'll be booed, and I'll be cheered... and it won't change a thing."
"He's not a b-bad wrestler though..." Jessi pointed out, and I skipped over a few lines of the sidewalk we were trailing along, responding heartily.
"Of course. He's even more experienced than me. He's got more wrasslin' knowledge. He's stronger. He's better." My right foot landed on one of the cracks, and I hovered there on that foot for a moment, staring down with a thoughtful gaze...
"Strength... knowledge... confidence from a negative reaction... that's all fine. I'll freely admit to him being the tougher competitor. But what he doesn't seem to get? What he doesn't grasp, because the spoiled brat has his head so far up his ass...? I've always been the underdog. I've worked just as hard as anyone else, if not harder... because... no one liked me. I'm not talking about the crowd, but rather... my coworkers! Even behind the scenes... I was a nobody. But I always proved that I could blow the roof off of any arena."
"Hell yeah you can." Andy grinned as we continued our stroll, and Jessi smiled proudly too. My lips turned upward as well, as I kissed my fingers, then held them up in a 'V'.
"No matter what he believes and no matter what he does or says... he can't take that away from me. Brett Carson... he won't get the best of me, when I prove that... if I just do me, and he does whatever he believes himself to be? I'll walk out the truly stronger one, in the end..."
My words may have seemed a bit jumbled. Even a bit repetitive. But the point remained. Carson had no idea who I was. Who I am. He'd make assumptions, while using his ego to veil any truths. Cuz he only hears and sees what he wants. I'd just have to uncover his eyes.
As we got up to a certain building, I slowed down and called up to them as they continued walking. "Hey, you guys head back to the hotel..."
"Eh? Why?" Andy questioned, slowing her pace and looking a bit disappointed. Most likely because my shirt was still wet, and she wanted to see more of it. Jessi, however, also complained... which was a bit unusual for her.
"I th-thought we were having f-fun together, Nessa..."
"We were. Don't worry, we can sleep together later tonight..." I trailed a finger under Jessi's chin, shooting her a wink. She went bright red, as passerby glanced over in disgust. Andy frowned slightly, crossing her arms.
"What about me? I wanna spoon!"
"Only if you're the little spoon."
"Fuck you lady! That doesn't make any sense!" Wilde scowled jokingly toward me, and Jessi laughed awkwardly. Brushing their comments off, though, my goofy smile faded as I got a bit more serious...
"I'm meeting my sister here. So. Don't wait up, okay?"
My simple statement was followed by my quick movement forward, my manager and assistant hesitantly letting me go. My older half sister Reya Serra was hovering near the counter, reading the board above to decide her drink. I snuck up behind her and suddenly grabbed her shoulders. "REYA!"
Without making a sound, the Herald jumped a mile in the air and twirled around, looking ready for a fight. I nearly started giggling, but composed myself and smiled brightly. "Hiya."
"Hello."
"Make a decision, I'm buyin'!" I nudged her impatiently. She and I had a few things to discuss, but really? It was just going to be a little bit of alone time between sisters. Something we'd been missing for so long now. Something I wanted to get back. So I'd invited her here, and as I wildly rubbed the towel I had through my hair, Reya stepped up to the counter and politely ordered her drink. Lowering said towel, I grinned dorkily at the bewildered cashier.
"Yeah, I wanna hazelnut mocha latte! So that, her drink, and three coffees pending, please!"
The woman blinked, before smiling slightly and nodding. I paid for the five drinks, and soon we'd gotten our own and were sitting at a table. It was just the typical conversation then. The how are yous and the what's ups. But soon enough, Reya couldn't contain her curiosity. "Vanessa..."
"Ye~es?"
She glanced over at the counter, then back at me. "Do they... hold coffee for you so that-"
"Wrong."
"But-"
"Just wait. You'll see why I've been going to this cafe since joining VoW..."
There were a couple minutes of silence, as Reya frowned in thought. She then glanced up as an older homeless gentleman in dirty, tattered clothing and a cap limp in. I could practically see her heartstrings being tugged at by just looking at him. Not wanting to look rude, my sister turned her attention back to me and starting asking about my match. But we could hear the homeless guy, as we weren't too far from the counter, and he didn't start begging for anything... but rather...
"Do you have any coffees pending?"
Reya's ears seemed to perk up, as she lifted her head and watched as the woman at the counter smiled and nodded. She poured the man a cup of coffee, which had already been paid for, and he hobbled over to the nearest table and sat down. Quietly sipping his drink, the man seemed to sigh... happy with a simple hot beverage. The Herald looked back over at me, and I sipped my own drink, a grin lighting my lips. It immediately clicked as she saw the cashier peeking over at me with an almost inspired expression...
"I see..." Reya whispered, before turning soft eyes to me. But I simply stared into space as my thoughts became verbal...
"I think it's pretty clear to see... I have no idea what I'm doing. But... that's never stopped me before. And won't this time. I wanna stop lying to myself. I wanna base the foundation of my career, my relationships... everything... on truth. Maybe it'll set me free..." I paused to take a sip of my coffee, before murmuring into it... "I know I can beat Carson. I know I can beat anyone, if I push myself. But it's not to... have that feather in my cap. It's not even to win something for the gay community. It's just... to prove something, to myself. And to you. I... I'm crazy... but hey, maybe I can use that insanity to paint this world a brighter color..."
... and to never allow it to dull.
With that, I grinned at Reya, who smiled warmly back and lifted her own glass. As she did so, I suddenly held up my coffee.... and kept it there, in the air. The other patrons of the cafe glanced over. Some looked away, eyerolls and shrugs following suit, while others continued to watch. Their gazes followed where my arm was pointing toward. And that older gentleman, his knit cap falling ever so slightly to the side, noticed people staring. He quietly turned his eyes to meet mine, and I didn't let my arm... which was starting to shake from holding the full cup up... fall. After a moment of silent communication between us, he smiled... a grin which only grew when Reya lifted her glass as well. And soon? We had over a dozen people doing the same... before he finally picked up his warm cup, and gingerly lifted it into the air... the quiet, tense atmosphere suddenly a bit brighter...
And that's all I really needed...
Some people strive to be a physical threat. To prove their strength through harsh words and swift fists. But there is a difference... between a wrestler and a fighter. Peasant or not, ideals stay true. And our vision is far deeper... far more sustainable. And far more honest.
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~This has been a V rp, thanx for reading and have a great f*cking day!~